Okay so I know the lyrics are off, but its an amusing thing to me – and today is in need of more amusement.

There is this thing about tact being something lacking in our society.

One of the things I’ve found for myself, is that frequently I don’t act at all because it seems “more” tactful to fail to act, then to act in error. But I think thats more from conditions where I grew up than anything else.

I’ve found today in particular that alot of people don’t come equiped with this filter. They just throw it out there and whether they don ‘t have tact, or whether they don’t care at the offense, it is all good for them. This is a skill the “all good for them skill” that I’m trying to … well gain an appreciation for……

My life, has often – most often to be fair – been focused on whats good for everyone involved, myself second or last, depending upon the conditions.

There is a book I’ve seen recently called “leaders eat last” …. and I think, that perhaps its partially my leadership skills that have forced my focus on these things. On whats best for all – not on whats best for myself.

Not so much selfishness, more self focusedness. I’m learning to embrace my inner self focused self, and not chide myself as being selfish.

The universe is perpetually providing me opportunities to practice/master this skill. I’m very bad at it. Focusing on the “good of all” or the “good of the group” seems much much more natural. It isn’t that I’m incapable of being self focused, its just that it feels bad.

Somethings, I’ve been able to be self focused on in my life. They are things where I do not perceive any possible negative ramifications for anyone else in my life by being self focused. But at this point, its not about the possible ramifications for other people, its about the positive ramifications for me; and while I don’t quite feel free to disregard other people, I do feel alot more unencumbered by the need or desire to placate or please everyone.

Growing is a little uncomfortable and this is definitely one of those areas, its kinda like growing an extra limb of “be selfish, be selfish”

Watching other people with what seems like their best of intentions for themselves do things that are just insanely amusing to me at their ridiculousness is a good reminder that its “okay” to be human and to put myself first.

Many thanks to the universe for so many incredible people that are NOT selfish in my life to share this crazy rollercoaster.

Life is good.

Today’s lyric adventure is Ants Marching by Dave Mathews band its one of those songs I’ve always loved but I’m not sure why, the song is NOT all that happy or positive – some how just the fact that the song conveys the truth or honestly in someone elses experience.

Truth is always something that has been a theme throughout my life – its in the name. Its a recent thing for me to release/consider the naivete of my thought to believe that other people hold truth as vigilant as I do.

I can hear truth. Like when someone talks to me, I can tell if they believe what they are saying. Its a gift and a curse. When someone tells you something because they feel it will be “nicer” to say…. so you know its with the best of intentions, but you also know intimately that they are lying to you.

Its been hard sometimes, to hear people lie to me.

Not all experiences are pleasant – Hell I know how horrible alot of them can be, but its amazing to me how much growth comes out of the worst experiences, and I think alot of the songs that most appeal to me, are the ones where someone was writing or singing from their own miserable experience – or the experience of someone they cared about.

Not to mention the fact that Dave Mathews has always been one of those spirits that just sorta …. makes my heart happy. Matthew Mcconaughey is another one….. just people that aren’t perfect, and acknowledge that but enjoy life – they are about the experiences, sometimes good sometimes bad and relishing them.

I’m not really a star struck person – meaning I’m just one of those peeps that could sit down and play rummy or drink coffee with people like this – that are living their passion. Just because they are famous doesn’t make them any more important or valuable than the rest of us – it just makes them famous – and its a blessing and a curse for them. It means that people recognize them when they go about their business, and it means they have extra responsibility to the masses that the rest of us get to avoid. Kinda I feel for them, but then I recall the fact that how they got famous probably generated “things” and experiences for them that I’ll not get to have/share so its a tradeout.

My head has forced me to be very introspective today. — D mentioned yesterday about all the things she would do with another trip to London, and I immediately went out to price it – because it was just such a wonderful experience with her – to watch and see and vicariously experience her joy and her learning – but I think its time to let her have these experiences without my being there. Plus I’m not overall a fan of London. She did mention a few other trips – that might be more up my alley. Mostly its just super enjoyable to watch her be so passionate about trips.

This is not really a safe time to travel. Conditions because of this virus are tenuous, and travel is not really a particularly wise idea yet – but I do have faith that it won’t be ill-advised for ever, just for a bit longer. I’ll get to have some amazing experiences in other parts of the world again soon.

Its a powerful thing, faith. The mustard seed is strong in this one. I have faith that things will progress to a new normal soon, and I’ll be strong enough to thrive in the new normal.

Life is good.

The clouds in the sky today reminded me of the starting theme song from the Simpsons. It was one of those days today – so perfect in the weather department that you are more forgiving of the horrible allergies looming all over the place.

D came over today to help me whip up a present for T for her birthday this week. Was my first time baking them and they turned out amazing – thank you internets for all the help with the recipes. Reminded me that I really enjoy baking.

P has been feeling down still from his shot – the second one is a beast, I just didn’t realize how much of how crappy I was feeling was actually from the vaccine vs all the other things. Sometimes its hard to keep straight what exactly is making me feel miserable, and alot harder to not say anything or whine about it because it was pretty icky.

Starbuck has been so cute lately – he was laying with his favorite toy – which happens to be this stuffed hedgehog I had to do surgery on the other week. I used some yarn to stitch up a patch he had broken into the inside. I saved the hedgy but apparently my stitching wasn’t the best as there is a tail coming out from the stitching – so the hedgehog now has a yarn tail in the middle. P ordered a spare so the next time we will just swap again – Starbuck is just so sad when we swap – last time it took about two weeks before he finally embraced the replacement. All his good smells were gone from the new one.

Seems I also broke one of P’s camera things <again> this time, its not fixable. I am not certain how this happened – its a camera on his go bag. I took the bag to the car and somehow it broke the camera off the bag and apparently this is the second time I’ve done this.

One of the things right now, is the fact that I just don’t remember things. I do recall there was “some other” instance of a discussion about me not being careful enough with his bag – but somehow the why or the reason slipped my mind and the fact that there is a camera attached on the outside also slipped my mind – go figure.

My mind just doesn’t remember things. This is kinda a blessing often – because otherwise I’d probably spend alot of time stressed, worried, concerned, or frightened for the world we live in – but as it is I get to just focus on healing and above all being thankful and happy for being alive.

Sometimes its a concern to me and a thing I’m nervous about – I mean maybe not remembering isn’t a good thing? Maybe I should be concerned with this?

Thankfully my whole life has trained me to use “tools” for the things that need to be remembered / documented….. Like health things, medicines, fluids…. these things I have “tools” that I use to help me make a physical copy of the event so I don’t forget. Mostly put into place when I have found myself not remembering.

P constantly tells me its just getting old – and maybe that is part of the “older wiser” adage – wiser to forget then to recall.

Just know it was super fun to get to spend the day with D today; and her help in making the cupcakes for T was great. The project was a success and a tasty treat was enjoyed by all. More days filled with joy and blessings.

So I’m enjoying some soup I made a few months back and froze – its a potato and kale one with alot of veggies and its just amazing. Just the thing I wanted today. Feeling a little laid back. Had my appts this morning and all of them wanted to shift and rearrange – lets dance people lets dance.

P is feeling … down because of vaccine, will be another couple days and then he will be good as gold. So I made him the poppers we talked about earlier but I didn’t quite get the kitchen cooking bug out of my system – but somehow eating soup I made sorta helps, its like “yeah me”

Last night was sushi night, and tonight is all about soup. Comfort in the tummy somehow makes the comfort around the house amped up it like takes things to eleven.

Got to hang with R & E today a tad on the way to acupuncture. She was missing her mommy and quite vocal about it, but it was nice to know she is related to us with the fact that music soothed the savage beast. She immediately went into quiet dance mode as soon as it was an artist she appreciated. Gotta love this family.

I so enjoy the staff that take care of me at the place I go for treatments. They are so amazing and I’m just blessed to have them in my life. There is always something happy around there, they have a st patty’s day basket right now – which reminds me its right around the corner. Somehow with all the things last year I missed it and this year I intend to make up for lost time.

There is this weird thing where lately I’ve been wanting a glass of wine. Namely a glass of super good merlot – I know its not really great for me right now, as it forces my poor liver to process more things – especially fermented grapes, but somehow it seems “right”? Going to have to pause and pray about this some more.

I am wondering still if any of the wines in my wine fridge are still … well if they haven’t gone to vinegar – its been a few years atleast since I’ve rotated them and on the one hand it might make me sad to determine they have gone, but it also might eliminate the craving to find out they are salad dressing now.

Life is filled with happy people that make me smile – my sister in law has always been one of those peeps, and her daughter is adorable. I sent her some flowers just to let her know she was on my mind and has grown into an amazing woman.

Its amazing to me how quickly that happens from baby to adult in just a few decades.

More time for me to experience this amazing dynamic thing.

Life is good.

Today is all about making things more vibrant. I’m making chai today – which I really haven’t felt like doing for a couple weeks – and its super nice to have the whole house smell so so yummy.

Had an interesting dream last night of making cupcakes for my new sister in laws birthday next week – made enough to spell out happy birthday T – and suddenly realized I’d need like 2 dozen – they were filled and frosted and decorated – it seemed like such a fun thing – but the reality of it well – it maybe a spicy beyond my current level …. I’m currently “cinnamon” and this maybe “Chili Pepper”

I’ve decided all the negativity I’ve felt is doing nothing but taking me off the straight and narrow. So I’m going to address it from the spice perspective and say “don’t care for that spice, lets move along”….. Most spices are so so yummy – but in my life I have found a few that I just don’t enjoy the smell/taste/texture off…. They are usually “okay” if they are hidden in a food so I don’t notice them.

Its also interesting that my spice tastes have changed over time – much like how I didn’t enjoy coffee until my 20s. I wonder if eventually I’ll evolve into a “the spice must flow” creature. Certainly spices make things better.

I started a couple years back making my own “taco” meat – because the taco seasoning has too many preservatives – and I enjoy very much using lentils with the veg and spices – its remarkable easy and extremely satisfying. … Left overs go amazing with eggs.

P goes for shots today. Little nervous about this, but it will be over before its started hopefully and then its one less concern to be had.

Made doctor appts so I’m all set up for another few weeks. Overall, life thngs are progressing as expected.

Need to get someone out here to check our foundation – since it starting to do this “thing like its shifting” … but it could just be the squirrels wintering in our attic again. Its hard to say, thats probably why an expert will tell me again soon.

Saged the house – had been doing that daily but its been a couple weeks and dang it feels so so much better after its done. The lingering smell always is pleasant for me, and the clearing out of old vibes always feels amazing.

Today will be an adventure day, I’m hopeful P makes it done with no incidence and then there will be amazing chai at home to celebrate.

Life is good.

So I’m having a struggle today – where I am trying to actively “forget” I’m now a texan in a state with an incredible stupid governor. Yes, in this case, I will call out someone who is in leadership for making such a dangerously murderous announcement as yesterday – I mean can’t he just have gone to cancun? At this point I feel like Ted Cruz was “less” bad.

In a state that is known to be the “cattle” state – where it is known that herd saturation is 70% you would think that he would have waited until atleast 70% of the state had been vaccinated if he was going to make such a ridiculous and unjustified statement – but no only 25% vaccinated. I mean I know 7M people vaccinated seems high, but the population of Texas is over 30M people governor. Even applying herd logic of 70% we aren’t there yet. If it were your cattle you wouldn’t let them be free, so why are you allowing people – which I’d like to believe you value more highly just die.

My Inner tigger is bouncing. The thing about tigger is he tried everything, everything was “his favorite thing” – and right now, my inner tigger is looking for something, anything to make this right.

Sister showed me a tiktok of someone who recommended applying extra flatulence to the problem, and it kinda made my brain think that maybe I need to gather up some dog poop and package it up real nice to hand to those people who need to be given shit for not wearing a mask.

I mean we all know most politicians are too stupid to do anything else, maybe this is just another case of how ignorant they are…. the problem is the number of honest people that trust and feel they are our superiors. That they are “incharge”. This is just a mental reminder that THEY ARE NOT. They are just doing a job, and mostly their job is about money, so talk half of what they say and throw it completely out the window, and the other half is immediately suspect – its like the guys selling solar that came to our front door. While I’d love to believe they can do all the wonderful things they say, the reality is I know they can’t so there isn’t much point in my time being spent here.

Tigger and I are going to focus on fun things today. I haven’t decided what those will be, but I’m sure to have them to show for the day. Something unusual and amusing at the end to brighten my life and bring me joy, and help me forget some of the crazy dumb people in the world that have been elected to serve.

Today is a day that is hard to remember blessings. Its hard to remember gratitude. Sometimes these are needed so I can back up and breath and focus on the positive.

P got scheduled for his second shot, so that is off the anxiety radar! Yeah team!

Starbuck’s little bad spot has healed up completely. Another joy to be happy of – happy puppy.

Family are all doing safe, happy and well – life overall is good.

Some craziness is to be expected, and I will be like the guy from Dune –

“I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass through me. When the fear has gone, there shall be nothing. Only I will remain.”

The wonderful thing about tiggers, Good start to an amazingly beautiful day.

Its a happy tuesday – this was one of those days that I blissfully got to sleep longer. Had a meeting of the mind with my inner child and convinced/bribed/coerced her into going back to sleep around 330 when she decided to wake up and explain to me all the wonderful things today would hold….. She finally fell asleep around 5 and I slept soundly till almost ten. Good Day – long sleeps help alot.

When the cedars finally decide they have populated the planet enough with there joyous yellow spray it will be a much blessed today – but for today and the next few they are on their mission to propagate – its like a frat party of the trees. My poor sinus’s and P’s poor head. Not the most comfortable time in the world – I mean I know its an annual thing, but it just seems to last longer and longer each year – its like the trees held a convention and said “see it works better if we just go and go and go for half the year”….

Had some interesting/weird dreams last night. One of my nieces has been heavy in my heart lately, made a point of sending some sunshine her way today.

One of the other dreams was me giving a financial lecture – which just makes me laugh. I mean I’ve started to understand some of these things, but I wouldn’t say I was any type of a facilitator for teaching other people yet …. but that brings me to another dream where one of my friends who is a teacher was having a sit down card game with me and two of my family members who were also teachers – I guess I qualified to host because of my financial teaching lol – We were talking about conditions in the world. Overall very odd things.

Some days, sleep is just busy like this – where it seems like more work was accomplished than rest. Thankfully not often.

P is finally getting scheduled for his second vaccine and I’m super super happy to hear this, will be better once they confirm his appointment.

Still waiting to hear about my numbers for the week, and to hear back from the doc about the rx change that was put into effect due to mother natures shutting down pharmacies for snow. Overall – I’ve found the supplements I’m taking to be super helpful with generating more good days.

P made a mention last night – well we discussed that I just have intentionally been keeping my circles of exposure to outside content very limited — Makes for alot of time to contemplate the valuable things in my life.

It also somehow acts like a catalyst for inspiring thoughts. When you aren’t thinking so much about other people, you realize how many things you have available to you and what a great thing it is….. I’m blessed this way, to be able to dance around my house and find things to make me happy.

To have people reach out to me to check on me, people that I can send random hugs – is a godsend.

Thank you universe for filling my days with blessings.

Or rather, maybe its the path I’ve traveled less – Learning how to just focus on myself. Kinda put up a box of “this is for me right now” and kinda formed some questions to help me keep straight. “Is it going to help me heal? — Is it going to at all limit my capacity to heal? — Is this any of my business? ” —

I’ve gotten kinda good at asking these questions to help focus my attentions – now we will see how much help I can do myself. — That is to say, wonderwoman has been engaged – its not just for underroos now.

I wonder what travel will look like in a few years. I wonder if airplanes can be solar powered. I wonder if there is a way to filter air on airplanes so that its not enabling virus’s to have a all you can eat buffet – Okay so maybe this is just Alethia insanity again, but I feel like being stuck in a small little vehicle with 200+ people with air that is perpetually recycled is probably almost as bad as those weirdos that wear a mask beneath their nose…. I mean come on guys, its NOT a fashion accessory – and even if it WERE a fashion accessory — would you be wearing one?

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of masks out now that look so so cool, function so cool – they are stellar – its one of the industries/inventions we have to thank for these times, but if for some reason this virus had an “expiration date” on it – like suddenly just disappeared …. because realistically thats the ONLY way things are “going back” in any form to old reality. If suddenly the virus just ceased to be….. would you be found to be wearing a mask? …. I mean its a pretty common thing in Some parts of the world – has been for decades, but it has never made its way into Middle America until now — guess this explains how come we are getting dumber as a country.

I think this probably sounds negative, but I’ve been pondering for many decades actually the reality of the fact that America as a country and populace has been deteriorating intelligently. Meaning to say we are more commonly doing stupid things out of ignorance, and holding more strongly onto incorrect information —– Its like a modern version of the dark ages in a particular angle.

This pandemic is somewhat telling in this regard, just the sheer number of “dumbies” we allow around, and lament about but still permit is just frightening to me – only because they are impacting MY safety. So I’m protecting their freedom at the expense of my life, liberty and pursuit of happiness? — Seems contrary to the intent of this country.

I mean we wouldn’t let any other type of murder run around free — Sure sure, lets protect his right to chose to kill people — I mean jeez, he isn’t killing me so its okay right? …. I’ll just avoid him – he has friends, so its okay that he kills random strangers with his germ warfare right? If it were an axe he was swinging instead of the exposed nose we wouldn’t be so quick to call it “freedom vs murder”

Maybe this is something I just “feel” too much about, I feel – have always felt strongly the need to protect everyone. Those I love first, but always with the greater good in mind. its the antithesis of the mindset I’m trying to cultivate a harmony with inside – protect myself FIRST.

This year could be the one, where people get smarter, stronger, and healthier — they figure out ways to give the virus a eviction notice from the planet (other than vaccines which are a nice start, not a solution) — were greater minds find a way to put a countervirus into play that works to protect humanity while enjoying a feast on this existing one. …. Maybe this is a concept like cancer – where they leverage something in the virus to mutate to a strain that doesn’t harm the human host but mutates the virus into something that fights other virus’s.

Its the world of scifi and higher intellect than my little fluff brain can handle right now.

P and I have a running joke about me going to Linux – because microsoft has just gotten bad. Its firewalls are so — i’m not sure the word to use but frustrating seems appropriate … “You have no access to the internet” says Microsoft on my system — launch bing — oh look internet works…. its magic— you have no access to the internet – Oh look feedback to microsoft works …. internet access is back apparently. ….. When the solution to the internet access is trying to use one of Microsofts inferior products….. It makes one wonder when they got to become the dictator for the internet. …. So the joke is, I’d use Linux – or some other open source software, if my brain weren’t have jello….. watch it wiggle, see it giggle…. so for now, I work on healing and just suffer to the gestapo that is microsoft (and yeah I don’t feel like using the autocorrect to capitalize this because I’m using lowercase to indicate my angst) …. atleast their products can still get past their firewall “enhancements to prevent internets from working”

Overall, when I reflect on things – I am just so thankful, grateful and blessed. Its a crazy, chaotic, insane time that I’m blessed to be here to enjoy and experience — and while the experiences aren’t always the most pleasant in my life, they teach so much – for which I am thankful to be able to learn. My life is filled with superstar friends, that bring me joy and happiness on the daily, and family that are outstanding at reminding me the important things in life.

Thank you universe, for another day to treasure.

Its a tad warm today – not really warm more its humid and the temp is around the best normal range possible, but the humidity makes it feel so much more heavy in the air and this makes it feel warmer.

Its a very odd thing – I actually find myself enjoying the warmer right now. This is something new for my life – I’ve always been a cooler is better gal, but lately I’ve been finding warmer is just great.

We had a coffee chat with family today – just the gals and we gossiped – which is again not something I’m particularly accustomed to doing, but it was pretty amazing fun. Plus the coffee – hurrah coffee.

It has been a day of learning and practicing for me so far – P dealt with the fallen tree that has been leaning on the fence since right before the blizzard – he got a new toy (chainsaw) to deal with the tree – so today was the magic day. I, however, am having a fairly low energy day – so I felt the “need” to not go help him. This was hard for me – particularly since yesterday I thought to myself “it would be a good day to deal with this thing”….. but today, was the day P chose, and since he was doing it – well that is more appropriate.

The tree itself was “given” back to the side where it came from – especially considering we don’t have a fireplace to burn the wood hanging over our fence. It was a personal challenge to sit on my bum and do nothing, to say nothing and stay out of his way. To not be a distraction, to just do my own thing – knowing this was a lesson for me in taking care of me first.

That old adage “put on your oxygen mask before you help others” …. has always seemed like something I understood, but its something that until the past few months I’ve often neglected. I’m coming to recognize that there is no value in helping if you aren’t taking care of yourself.

So I’m learning, again, how to take care of myself. Lessons you don’t master will keep coming around repeating themselves until you have managed to “get them down” …. this is just confirmation for me.

We ordered a few more of my supplements again, there are just so many I’m taking on the regular it feels often like we are always ordering supplements. Its like “Hey P, can you order me some xyz…. ” … again and again – but its what happens when there are just so many that I take regularly. I’ve been body testing each of them every day – I’ve also tried a few times of “not taking them” …. just to validate that they are helpful, needed, and making me stronger/better able to heal.

There are alot of things in my life that are just so serendipitous. These things, and the folks that turned me onto them is just another example of leading me to the proper fastest course.

Its really a blessing to have these tools available. Its also a blessing to have P to help me keep them available and in stock.

The world is full of blessings, and I’m so grateful to be the steward of so many of them. May life continue to rain its joy upon my days and nights.

So it was a beautiful full moon last night, peeking thru the clouds. Got to experience her in all her glory as she shined brightly glowing in the night sky.

This morning, the fog is thick. We got up early to do our weekend chores – I started this thing, when we are winding down on Friday Nights to set listen to P let me know his goals for the weekend, and I volunteer my services to help him get them accomplished. This weekend was a bunch of errands – but we got them knocked out super early Saturday so he has the rest of the weekend to relax. Yeah Us.

The fog was just so so thick. We went for a drive – down our usually route (130) and it was so thick with fog that the road was completely obscured- making the normal route somewhat “new and different” because you really couldn’t distinguish all the normal landmarks.

Its very amusing to me how things that can be just the norm can be totally different with a minor deviation. Its like a fresh coat of paint in a new room – it somehow makes the space completely changed.

Life is like this amazing ferris wheel – where you go around and around, but the view keeps changing based upon conditions. Never a dull moment.

I got to see P’s offsite storage today – he was a tad nervous I’d make him feel judged about this – so I eliminated his concerns by … Not.

There are just so many amazing things right now, even if its crazy and a reminder that the devil is in the details. Its all and always about the little things.

Had some anxiety dreams again – about ball parks and huge stadiums of people and appointments. The song “take me out to the ball game” going thru my head as I waited six feet spaced thru this incredible hours and hours long line with all my closest friends – I mean random strangers all doing the same. Somehow it was my nervousness about P not being scheduled yet for his second shot.

The county – williamson county – took over the “vaccinations” where we got it – so I’m 100% certain its bound to have a ton more red tape and be alot less efficient then it was originally when we went thru – something about government involvement making things take longer and be more difficult. But I’m sure someone needed their pound of flesh — I mean million dollars of revenue – they couldn’t just let people get safe without taking some toll for this cause. Now its soon to be his time to need the second shot, and they haven’t done the things needed – Red tape…. gotta love it.

I’ve learned and read alot about these vaccines, and its a very curious thing to me how they are so much the same, and so very different. They are humanities way of side stepping Darwins attempt to wipe humans off the planet – the Virus’s shall rule the earth. …. well atleast sometimes, it feels like thats the “way”

But then I remind myself that the Mandalorian all wore helms and that was “the way” and its interesting to me that the helm is sorta like the “mask” we all wear all the time now – so maybe fantasy is the perpetual reflection of reality I’ve always believed it to be……

Go figure.

Life is good – I am grateful for so many inspiring things and people in my life. Thank you universe for filling my heart with joy and people to remind me how great the world is right now.