Passions and oddly perfect career paths

In another life, where money was only slightly more free then it is now, I could totally see my perfect profession being the hostess of a Hugh Hefner style mansion, with a perpetual night club party atmosphere.

Listening to my favorite Pandora Radio Station “Pitbull Radio” the thought suddenly struck me that I would love to own a night club. The pure reality of the logistics aside, being able to listen to dance music and enjoy the company of people inspired and driven by music to move is rather an intoxicating thought.

Being able to sit and monitor and watch the action is an overly appealing thought to me. While the idea of dancing and grinding to the music is not unappealing, I think it would be secondary to the enjoyment of feeling the energy and general sense of the atmosphere in that type of situation.

The heady feeling of mingling through people lost in the moment of sensation and motion. Dancing and playing, mingling, vying for attention.

A friend a few months back shared a guilty pleasure with me, one of his very own, and while this was not to my particular taste, it did sort of leave me pondering, and I think tonight I started to touch on it with this idea of a night club slash play girl mansion.

I’m not saying it would be precisely like the infamous playboy mansion – but somewhere where co-ed folks went for nights filled with really really good music, dancing away hours, and like minded individuals of the same thought and spirit. Sort of a tribute to Bacchus from a female perspective, representing both the sensual and sexual nature of men and women through music, dance and expressionism.

Maybe I just need a good night out to a night club – hard to say – but I do know that the reality of the experience, from historical personal experience, would probably take away this lovely imaginary fantasy I have right now — I mean its rare that there isn’t someone puking drunk, its rare that there isn’t some ungodly line at the restroom where you have to carefully avoid touching anything for fear of contracting some highly contagious this or that, its rare that the place isn’t miserable steamy hot from all the flesh and the inability of the modern methods to maintain a sub zero temperature…. there is also always the possibility that someone else would have a different opinion of “good music” from my own… No, no, I suspect I’m better off in my fantasy world of a lovely estate type house, that is a pleasure trove of famous musicians and little know talent for latin style, reggaeish dance hip hop music that holds 24/7 festival style events, with lots of large dance hall space for dancing, and on hand seeded members to keep the atmosphere consistent and allow for mingling by the regular guests in a consistent upbeat party.

Tried out a bottle of wine tonight that we have had for a few years – 2006 – turned out quite nice, was quite a treat actually, the wine fridge made itself a worth while purchase tonight. Thanks wine fridge for keeping it real since 2006. May there be many more years and many more enjoyable vintages to come forth from your safe haven.

As might have been guessed, my head is still a little froggy from the day – we could blame it on the wine, but I’d think thats somewhat unlikely — easier to blame it on the crazy ebb and flow of the dynamic days of late. Company sales are never a dull moment. Welcome to the new world for my job. Apparently I have a new title – interesting that seems to be a significant promotion but this is the first I’m hearing of it, and now I’m dreading what additional work this new title may entail that I’ve been arbitrarily committed unto – but tomorrow is another day, and its always a reassuring thing to have a recently polished resume close at hand.

Now if I could seem to only recall how to use one of those recently re-polished resumes I might be in a significantly less stressful position.

Here is hoping that tomorrow brings more clarity, less chaos and equality of purposes.

Wild Ones…

And other things from Florida — or rather Flo Rida – who knows– maybe its all the same thing.

My brain has decided, when I go too long without taking a moment to download back up to this blog, it will start to suddenly give me memory crashing errors. Twice today — You know those moments when you suddenly completely, in the midst of expressing something specific completely lose the thought, the whole ball park of where you were going, and what was intended….. or when your walking somewhere to do something – ask something specific — and you get halfway there and can’t recall why, who, what, where or when you were going… at all – no trace, no bread crumbs.

Here’s to bread crumbs! Not only do the make amazing meatloaf, but they also do pretty well for so many other things in a pinch.

Riding tonight, there was a sexy guy on a bike; you know the type, tight jeans, black bike, cowboy boots, quite quite fit, with a black billowing t-shirt with angel wings in silver on the back. Including the sword. When you think about whether or not angels are among us, stop asking if, and start considering that maybe they aren’t exactly where you expect or what you expect to see.

It made me laugh no doubt about it.

Books: reading one, I think I actually read it a few years back, however my mind decided it was time to pick it up again and start it over again. “Many Lives, Many Masters” by Brian Weiss — great book, many thoughts about this one….

So I’m taking a reiki certification class in two weeks, and my mind is still running though the lessons I need to refresh before this class, trying to clear and cut and go in with a fresh perspective. I do think its an interesting phenomena that once you start down a path the coding in Google sort of starts sending you all sorts more of that particular path, its sort of like “Hey you liked that one link, how about these other 50billion?” …. Really? I already decided that I was going to do this … no need to inundate me and make me question my decision. Where are the links for synergies instead?

Tried an interesting — ODD — yet interesting restaurant today. Inchin’s Bamboo Garden — They had a buffet for lunch, which was priced reasonable, the service was quite good – it was just sort of an enigma. It was Asian style Indian food. Sort of a fusion of Indian and Chinese, with more of a significant lean towards Chinese. Quite tasty selections, just quite odd.

Got an invitation for a crystal class this weekend at Natures Treasures, and am sort of torn about whether or not to take the time to attend. Lots going on right now both with home, work and spirit. More information while always nice, is threatening to exceed overload.

Dunno, have been sort of having difficulty lately with priorities. There are so many things to do, that it just seems like I want to sit back and watch for a while, and laugh and smile more. Its not so much a lack or undesire for motivation, its more that the laughing and smiling just seems higher priority then focus and resolve.

So many happy things going on all over the place, so many changes so many interesting evolutions in life going on.

Had a conversation about missing someone the other day — with the husband about his mother. I indicated that I missed her, but not as much I miss my dog. I qualified it to express that it wasn’t that I didn’t miss her, I do a good deal, but I miss the comforting presence of my pooch more. This caused him to consider and he indicated he missed her more than his pooch. It was just one of those somehow comforting conversations where discussing together brought more peace about the missing. Kind of like one of those misery loves company sort of things, but more of a positive type, where there was comfort in knowing that it was a shared experience.

Have a trip planned for August to NY – and I’m nervous. Its not in my top 10 list of places, while its probably in the top 100 — I don’t actually have a top 100 list yet, maybe thats a project for another day…. Its probably on the list. Still Nervous. We are not renting a car, and its crowded with many many many people. Not a huge fan of dark cavern like things of subways, and not a high love of mass transit or taxi’s. Guess I’m in for a culture shock in my own country! Coupled with the fact that its not likely I manage to get to do the few couple of things I’d actually like to do in NY – hook up with a friend from the Ridge last year — see the Statue of Liberty — Go to the Met — Go to Gordon Ramsey’s restaurant…. Since its unlikely I’ll get to do most of those things, I’m equally not excited. There is a conference there, which is the reason for going. I’m just a tag along, so its not especially costly for me to tag along, and it is a trip.

Tomorrow we head over to some of our family people’s house for dinner, very looking forward to the catch up time. We have been trying to get onto a routine the past few years, somewhat sporadically successfully — spotty at best, but time passes one way or the other, and we have such great family. So much to learn from each other.

Enough for now, my brain feels like its empty – maybe next time I’ll listen and blog before it decides to pull a Cntrl+Alt+Delete on me…. Lesson learned, I got the message, kkthx.

On a clear day…

And other lyrics from random songs of yore. A DMB lyric keeps striking me the most today, well and most every time I blog – “so much to say so much to say so much to say…” — So many of the lyrics of that band resonate with me.

In the recent past, a friend thanked me for a mix tape I’d shared with her. For a time, I was making what I so aptly dubbed “crack mixes” – a mix of song stream of consciousness that was a mishmash of odd genre and songs, always telling or leading through a rabbit hole of a story. I had a personal break from doing those, and it was a fitting time for this friend to thank me, as I’d recently made a new mix. Irony is that I will make a mix, and then I will effectively play it out. I have this tendency to fall madly in love with a song, until I’ve sucked all of the love out of it, and that it starts to turn into a dull ache of encumbrance to listen to it further. Its a rather strangeness about myself, because I typically will put it aside at this point, and then several years later find the song again. And the bitter sweetness of the memory of the passion I’d once felt for the song brings such fond memories.

Music for me falls into four categories. Timeless Music, this is music that hits a soul level for me, and from the very first time I listen to it conjures visuals for me that are so strong and powerful they transcend all explanation. They simple evoke some strong feeling in me. The genre doesn’t really matter, nor does the singer, or the band, I have a few songs of this type from some very oddish type methods. Examples would be Enigma “Principles of Lust” — Sting “Desert Rose” — KD Lang “Calling all Angels” — Ottmar Liebert “Barcelona Nights” — Indigo Girls “Secure yourself to heaven”

Then there would be the category of music I’d call addiction music. This is music that is so close to the above type, that it fools my body into believing its that type, and I try and overplay it to turn it into soul music, when its really just physical music. I tend to play these over and over and over till I start to hate them. Some times they bridge the gap of time, and become by virtue of the bittersweetness something more than just pop music, through self inflicted memories of music. Examples of these would be: Rihanna “Shut up and drive” — Train “Drops of Jupiter” — Tori Amos “Precious Things” — Adam Ant “Stripped” —- Again there are many different flavors of this type of music too, generally its music that starts out as a “Wow I like this song” — and starts to become “I really like this song” to “I must have this song, it must be mine” … and eventually to “Meh, this song again”… and then finally full circle over time to “mmmm I remember that song”

The next type of music is the general “Meh” songs, these are the ones that I really don’t like or dislike – some of them I have learned the words to just through sheer radio play simplicity or repeat play of an album through trying to devour the above type of song, and these get caught in the cross hairs type of music, or basically 95% of all other music falls into this category. Most Beetles songs fall into this group for me, as does Barry Manilow, Elvis Presley, Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers..

Then the last and ultra rare type of music, is the type I’ll define is ugh music. Its the type that usually I didn’t have a strong opinion of to start with, it was probably a Meh song at first, but it generally over time and repetition becomes one of those ones that I strive to turn off every time I hear it. Unfortunately, there are actually a few bands that I feel this way about, and generally I’ve given them unflattering nick names. Whether it be because someone I cared about just really loved them, or laziness of the stereo repeat playing them, or them being “the album” that was available at the time. The cause can be from many sources, but generally they are the ones that start to give me a headache after a few minutes of them playing.

Its just funny because most people talk about music with an eye to the author, or the sound or the lyrics or the genre, but for me … its all about the self filters. Its about what the music evokes within me that matters, the instruments, the lyrics the sounds are all just sort of icing for me. Although I can acknowledge that I tend to find flute music haunting, and violin music engaging.

Its the most amusing thing to me how talking about so much and nothing can help me feel so much more relaxed. Like the cares of the world are suddenly so much lighter to handle and to hold. Writing is a form of meditative prayer for me, its an outpour of my most intimate self into a world filled with hope, dreams and possibilities. Even if the irony of the fact that the very adding the thought and love to the paper or to words somehow diminishes it in a slight way, for me, it gives me inner peace of knowing I’ve shared it – even if its not read by another soul, I have still expressed it, and for me that is enough.

Sugary Slope

Why must there be so many sinfully tasty sweet things? We had round rock donuts today, too many of them. This is not the first time for this type of encounter, and while it should be less frequent it seems to keep happening. It started as a desire a for a donut unrequited, and turned into a massive binge of more carb than a weeks allotment.

Its back to this emotional eating, bad creature pattern, but very very difficult to remain diligent against, as I keep observing more and more things that are triggers. It would probably also help if I weren’t feeling so burdened by so many things – hence the desire for blog posting.

Lots of stuff for work, lots of stuff around the house — lots of challenges all over the place, and very little light hearted laughter material.

Speaking of that, when did it occur that the mud became more prevalent then the pasture? In discussions today it came to my attention how much we cuss, how much we point out the negativity, how much attention we give these things — its not that we are alone, quite the contrary, more we are the norm. What happened to being gentile ladies and gentlemen? I know it became unvogue, but maybe its time to become a rebel and social outcast but trying to revive these traits?

I remember even as a very young girl there were just certain things you didn’t do or say around my grandparents. It was out of respect. Cussing and raised voices were two of these things, it was okay to get passionate about things, infact it was something they seemed to enjoy, but there was something that just naturally made the time spent with them seem more sacred. More pure.

I think this purity is something I’m craving. I have spoken with others in the past; and they have mentioned they feel this at church, maybe this is the appeal of these places for some people – I never really felt these at churches in America. It was interesting to notice it a little in some of the churches I was able to visit in Europe. Maybe it was about the age, or maybe it was about the casualness.

I do recall, my grandparents maintained a certain decorum about most things. There was a proper way to press a blouse, shirt and slacks, and there were certain topics that just never came up. It wasn’t that they were taboo so much as just not something that was discussed. I remember talking to my grandmother about sex. The conversation was in private, in the comfort of her bedroom, with just the two of us as we folded laundry. It wasn’t that the subject was off limits at all, more that there was an appropriateness of time and place for the conversation about intimate things.

While I recognize that there is truly value in the freedom to express ones beliefs, and thoughts and exhibit both public displays of affection and even public displays of outrage, it just seems like these are more the norm then common decency. Call this maybe a personal epiphany that if I want to see this obtain a revival, I need to be the first one to step out and begin doing it.

Since its June and I haven’t really set my resolutions yet for the year — long story on this one – perhaps this will be one of my resolutions for 2014. I resolve to work to be more gentile, to moderate my tone, my actions and my words in public settings and consider the appropriateness of my actions and attitudes to the environment I am in, to strive to encourage others to do likewise.

In the course of discussions today, P & I ended up talking about some of my personal history. It made me acutely aware of an outstanding debt I hold to someone who was above and beyond gracious to me at a time when I was a spoiled punk kid. While the universe, from the continuing discussions, has provided me with many ample opportunities to pay this forward that I have graciously taken advantage of, I need to return this debt with interest to the original provider.

We also talked about several other things, its hard to tell how much of the ground work I’m laying is actually going to take root and bring forth trees, but I can say that the acorns seem to have been planted in fertile ground. Only time will tell on this, requiring practicing of ample patience as always.

When your doing the wrong thing and even if the reasons are correct, does the fact that your very good at it justify continuing to do it? This is not the first time I’ve asked myself this question, and the enigma keeps coming up – I personally believe is the universe telling me that its time to stop doing it. Working towards doing other things, just more patience again.

Read more, listen more, learn more, love more, be more.

Second verse the same as the first

So beginning again, two steps back, one step forwards. Lets see how well this will work.

Finally after a week of effort, I have a blog of my very own – of course, there are many tweaks, and kinks to be resolved, and I’m still working out some of those details here and there, and probably will be for a few weeks — since this is a sideline thing for me.

Goes back to an article I read the other day about doing things that you are hungry for… hungry vs passionate — meaning you will constantly enjoy feeding things you are hungry for, because if your hungry for something you have an unquenchable appetite to achieve it.

I’m hungry for self expression, and for self reflection – and for generally speaking my mind in an open environment.

I’m hungry for story telling, and tale weaving, these are things I’ve always been hungry for – its more than just a passion, its a hunger.

Hence the need to have my own space, my own writing forum, my own blog.

Welcome to the whole new world.

Chapter one, in which we allow for independent self expression, less adulterated. Curious how this will work itself out.

I’ve ideas galore, now its time to pen some, and to feed this hunger at regular intervals – its part of who I am, and bluntly its been a sorely neglected part for a very long time.

Back to treasuring time verses calculating and trying to horde it.

Expect surprises, expect stories – short and long – expect random thoughts, expressions, and streams of consciousness – expect the unexpected. Hopefully you will find yourself entertained, and laugh more than you cry.

May these words not offend, may these posts bring about wisdom, blessings, love and light.