Mad Caucus race and other round maps

The Caucus Race

Another good quote is: “Everytime she finds a minute thats the minute they begin it” — From Disney’s Cinderella.

Time for a brain dump, or so my guides have indicated to me. I seem to be a bit of a slacker about this, and seem to like to be overly melodramatic about “waiting” to post, when really its just pure slacker.

Reading a very interesting book about Habits – why we have them and how to shape form mold them. “The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and …”
It is definitely providing some much needed food for thought about where I am and how to get to where I want to go, whilst also explaining the where I detoured and what caused those patterns.

Many things going on, not sure where to start. We took the trip to NY – and it was educational – it is not a place I would chose to return, hopefully the universe does not require this of me. It was not a horrible trip, in the sense that I accomplished what I had hoped, and found pleasure in the little things – it was however much more of a working trip then a vacation.

Speaking of working – Stress is an interesting beast. Its definitely a lower elemental form, and while it is a highly enticing title and description to utilize, best to not give this one any more power than necessary. There is really no such thing as stress for me, there are conditions I am able to accommodate with the tools I have at present, and there are conditions that are beyond my ability to handle and require me to learn rapidly new tools. This year has been greatly filled with the latter, and while it would seem like a welcome condition to request more of the former, I am evolved enough to recognize that there is a balance in both, and while I do not perceive the balance at this moment in time, it is progressing as it should.

We have a new pool – its P’s pool really, for me its somewhat a chlorinated heavily hot tub. That is not to say I am unhappy about the pool – more that its urgency and need was not my own driving force. It certainly is nice, and it will especially be nice on cold winter evenings and weekends. P has been using it extensively, which is quite nice to see – score another one for me about knowing and timing.

Right now it feels to me like I’m on one of those very very long road trips, where the journey is more than halfway over, but the brunt of the trip is still lying ahead. There are some lag times, long times of very little scenery and quite moments ore reflection, but they seem to be frequently punctured by the noise of horns, blares of sirens, and general ambient lively distractions.

I did a stupid female thing the other weekend. I was turning and missed an extra median in the road, and drove my little electric car over the curb – popping both the front and rear driver side tires. While I was quite blessed that it was only the tires that were popped, having no damage to the car itself or even the rims, it was a quiet respite, it was an unusual condition to have some what of an enigma in the sense that I had done something “dumb” that afforded me the luxury of something I had highly craved. Quiet time to contemplate.

They are doing renovations at my “Muggle Job” – to coin a phrase my dear sister has started using, and I decided I have found it endearing. My Muggle Job is doing office renovations. They managed to blow up enough dust and dirt to make nearly the entire department sick. Many of us were out for almost a week – I guess this is what comes from turning a warehouse into an office with the lowest possible margin of cost. Not to say it was cheap – heh far from it.

This would be the same Muggle Job that sees fit to give and to take from me nearly in the same breath on a repeating schedule of oddity. Promote here, Punish there – Reward here, Chastise there — I don’t get it. Sufficed to say, I’ll leave it up to the muggles to figure it out, and spend more of my time and energy focusing on the important things in life.

As I mentioned previously, the universe is driving me towards decisions about a few things, but presenting me with challenging opportunities to clearly decide things. For example, for this coming weekend, there were actually 4 available opportunities for me to allocate my time. Two of them being clearly down one path, and two being clearly down the other.

Each day, I begin to feel more and more like Alice in the wonderland of life – verses feeling like the caterpillar or the Red Queen – both of which I have felt in the past for extended periods of time.

I remember a play many many years back that I saw in Orlando – a semi small stage performance of a re-written version of Frankenstein – there was one part of the production that was particularly dramatic – the main character was huddled down, and three other performers were circling around as if the voices inside ones head, chanting loudly “Who are you, What are you, Why are you” over and over to a beat of a crescendo. Lately I’ve been feeling more and more like that huddled figure. Not so much that the questions are the same, but that sense of overwhelming space enclosure has been amping itself up. — This was a queue from my mind that it was time to blog, and I chose to ignore it until it reached a numbing point.

Life feels alot like a roller coaster, from the line through the wait, through the anticipation, the picking of the seat, the start of the engine, up the first hills, around the bends, and over the fast turns and twists, back to the station and exiting to start at the line again. Endless cycle of known possibilities repeating in a fresh perspective over and over again.

The barista at my favorite Starbucks the other day tried to explain to me how Starbucks Green Tea had more caffeine then coffee — and I laughed and tried softly to educate him to the difference – did some research, and while I realized I was indeed correct it has significantly less — less than 1/4 the amount of caffeine of an equal amount of coffee — I realized that it just didn’t matter. At the moment when we were having the discussion, in the drive thru line when he was trying vehemently to get his point across — to the point when I bothered to take the time to look up the actual numbers. Being Right doesn’t matter.

Commissioned an artist to create a Soul Mandala for me back a few months ago, and reached out to her because it seemed as if it were being delayed. She expressed that she had some difficulties, and had restarted the work twice – apparently my soul is more varied then any she had previously worked with – and while she was struggling with some personal challenges, it was assisting her and helping her to develop tools. She expressed gratitude for being able to do this work for me, and at the opportunity to meet with me and my soul. The work is still not finished. While I have no doubts that she is the real deal, in terms of having seen and experienced other of her art work – and I also understand the need of an artist to have an open window of time, the business person that my Muggle Job has cultivated — this person never existed before this particular Muggle Job – is struggling with feeling the need to be overly protective. Its an odd sensation to be balancing two sides of my personality to find a happy medium. I embrace the need of time for achievement of the highest possible good.

We have had the same cleaning lady for many years now, after a string of cleaning staff that stole from us and or did not perform a very adequate job. This lady is kind, and a hard worker and her rate is both within what we can afford, and a rate that we feel is adequately compensating her for her time. We have a cleaning lady because cleaning is not something I particularly relish – and while she doesn’t do a spot on perfect job, she does the rudimentary tasks of cleaning, allowing for the time to expand upon her works for both P & I while still affording us luxury time – the benefits of having a muggle job that can afford this luxury. This cleaning lady has a mischievous side, she likes to move things around in the house in the interest of “straightening” – and she has trained us both to clean up before she comes, for fear of having her “hide” things we might need in the immediate future. Overall her regular routine visits have kept our house presentable, tidy and trained us into some nice habits. Lately however, I’ve been having this sense of doubt. Like its time to stop having her clean the house. While I recognize part of this is from the need to take on some of the actual cleaning portion she performs – I would be much more acceptable to this, if it weren’t for the Muggle part of my mind starting to infringe on my head with all sorts of nonsense doubts about the value of the service and whether or not our house is safe.

Have been seeing alot of Dragonflies and Dameselflies lately – looked up the meaning in animal speak and its spot on – I suspect this is a new animal totem for me. It is also the reason that it became part of my tattoo from the trip to NY – the pink lotus with the blue dragonfly representing a balance to the experience and the rite of passage being achieved.

S has been quite interesting lately. It seems he has decided he would like another dog. He has decided until we get him another dog to micromanage, he will micromanage P & I both. He has exhibited more behaviors of trying to train us. While I still dearly miss both Rommel & Sasha, he is an interesting family Member to have around.