Fall Dayz

Inspiration hit me today, like a brick to my head. I feel alive, I feel inspired. I feel like a mexican jumping bean ready to bounce out of my clothes.

Now to hold onto this, and let my muse guide me. Muse in the oddest place, in the seriously oddest location. More on this some other time.

I’m in a good place, and my head feels happy.

Today was workout number three of this week, trying to get back to hour long workouts daily, but its a slow process.

It was identified through several sources to me over the past few weeks, that this healing I’m doing is a multiple year project. 3-5 years, of working on curing. Two parts to that, the working, and the curing. The curing comes naturally from the effort and work I’m putting in, but the working was something that I identified, and now it has a i/o to go along with it.

Aha, inspiration you are a tempting old soul. Always lingering so close to touch, but then dancing away like a fairy on a nectar buzz, but not this time. This time, I have you held close, bundled up in my mind of a crafty writers ploy that I already know will work, and I am just so so happy.

Time to sit back and roll around in this feeling. I understand now why clean dogs roll around in the mud, because it’s this feeling, this wonderful feeling of knowing something that all I have to do is enjoy it. Well, welcome to my mud. Thanks for sharing the roll.

Oct 13 2018

Super sleepy today. Sleep has been a little bit of a tempting mistress lately, without much of a finish. Waking tired to be becoming the new norm.

Picked up the car from the dealership today, which of course meant returning the loaner. Pretty happy to have my car back. While I would really like to have a new vehicle, a plug in hybrid that does not yet exist, I do enjoy the lack of a car payment, the desire for the one not exceeding the enjoyment of the other, coupled at this time with the lack of a car to suit my wants with needs. My car is no longer “sick”, now its time to work on the cosmetic things that need a bit of tweaking to make it more appealing of a raid.

Today was the concert for my niece, which I wasn’t able to attend. Wasn’t feeling great, and decided going out to a strange place with alot of other strange people in heat was probably not the smartest thing for me to do. This did mean however, that I missed seeing her get into the finales, and perform for that honor as well. Maybe another time the event will afford me the chance to attend.

I made the fat bombs today that Phil has typically been making for me. They are a nice thing to have around, and I’ve been out for a couple weeks now, so its quite nice to be stocked up on them again, and to have had the experience of actually making them myself. I feel I can definitely replicate these now on my own with out guidance or supervision. Tomorrow we will make the fat head dough which we use for the keto pizzas. Its all very exciting.

I have been watching the big bang theory, working my way through the show from the beginning. Its a show that has been on my long term radar for a long while, but the spark of interest suddenly blossomed into a flower of intrigue enough to get me motivated to watch it. Its pretty entertaining, and I find myself laughing alot watching these episodes. Still working my way through elementary also – LL just always makes me smile.

Have been seeking some source of physical inspiration lately. Some eye candy I can watch work out inspiring me to want to work out also. Someone that has a down to earth no nonsense approach that is refreshing, and yet uncomplicated enough for me to feel strong enough to follow through on the idea. Still seeking.

Oct 12 2018

Today started pretty late for me, but that was due to a long night of conquering the universe. Sometimes, its just really great to get out of my head and into the head of something else, and just relax. It was pretty fun, and lasted probably later than it should have been I kept “just one more just one more” and suddenly it was 6:30.

Six hours of sleep seems to be my “go to” amount – I don’t know if this is healthy, sometimes my body wants to sleep more, but usually that’s on days when I have obligations that require that I not. Its an interesting thing for me to contemplate, that on days when I could sleep as late as I desire, often times, I find myself invigorated and thriving to start the day.

Today started with some water, and coffee, like most do. A little breathing and introspection, then distraction and a start to cleaning up things around the house.

Its a good day so far, I remembered a few of the things that I needed to get done, and have actually accomplished them. Small victories seem to brighten my head quite a bit.

Now if I could only manage to put some time into some of the larger victories. I feel they would provide more bang for the buck.

Pretty excited about tomorrow, here is hoping it goes as planned.
Although to be honest, even if plans fail its still one of those things where the effort will be partially its own reward.

Its been a week of ups and downs, trying to focus more on the ups and allow the downs to take care of themselves. They seem to be able to do this most of the time, and I don’t need to own them when they are not my own. Its rather freeing to realize that I don’t need to worry about other peoples things, only my things, and even then, I don’t really need to worry.

Its becoming easier and easier to just let things go, and let things be.

Oct 11 2018

New day, new format, new thoughts.

Today its clear, after so many days of rain in a row. I’m not sure if I prefer the rain or the clear, but I very much enjoy the change from the one to the other. Its also significantly cooler today, fall having fallen, this I love. I love the cooler weather, when the windows can be opened, and fresh air pours through the house with the sound of the windchimes, the birds, and just the general breeze fluttering about in the air.

I really enjoy most everything about fall. Its cornucopia of holidays, all about getting together with loves ones, and sharing goodwill. The falling of the foliage, bringing its brightness of red shaded colors. Cool nights, for cuddling, and wrapping up in a package of warmth. Delectable dishes out of pumpkin and the smelling of cinnamon and cloves wafting through the air.

As a part of my healing therapy, I’ve decided to try incorporating some daily writing into my routine. It can be a place for me to be comfortable and speak the thoughts that are rattling around in my brain.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that my new mantra is an old one that has been resonate throughout my life – Carpe Diem.

Today the car is at the dealership to get repaired, and the thought crossed my mind, as I drove home in the lexus loaner car, that maybe after 12 years, its time for a new car. I know this idea or concept will be very much lost on P, but it is a thought that crossed my mind, and I regarded it with careful consideration. It seems to stem more from a restlessness inside my head, a desire to “make something new” to allow me to feel like conditions are changing.

Along this same thought was another of its ilk, of the fact that perhaps its time for me to “put down my foot” and demand that alaskan cruise that we have been talking about for more than ten years. Glancing at ever so often, and fantasizing and pondering about here and there over time. But I realized, in the course of this thought popping up on the cusp of the other, that this is just another attempt of my mind to provide a diversion from dealing with the conditions that are at hand.

While its not at all that the idea of the trip to Alaska is repugnant, far from it. It is however, not something “I” actually want to do right now. Realizing that this is the case, that my mind gravitates towards things to escape, that aren’t’ even things I want to do, that afford me a target to be disappointed at, and allow me the luxury of a self pity party when they are rejected, is a humbling piece of knowledge.

There is many an opportunity for growth and development in these words, and I think thats enough introspection for today. Off to other adventures.