So P and I have been eating alot at home – cultivating our list of so good desired foods – and one of those for me is salmon. My body just sings the hallelujah chorus everytime I eat this – truth be told I haven’t tried more than once a week – as this feels “right” – but definitely been trying to get P on board with the salmon train. So we found, that he can enjoy salmon tacos – made much like a taco however with the protein is fish and the veg is a homemade slaw stuff. Its amazing, a little cilantro, a little guaq, a little lemon or lime and the stuff is fabulous.

Out eating at home adventures have not stopped there, we have been making homemade guaq, jalapeno creamcheese poppers, pico – all on demand to go with things – P burgers (hamburgers we patty/freeze/cook on demand – I call them P burgers because he does 95% of the work and the things come out fabulous) – and tacoes. We have been keeping a regular stock of “Things” including the things we toss in our breakfast which is often a scramble or some taco fixings – eggs with pico, or poppers, or spinach or potatoes – whatever we have on hand.

But aha the potatoes. P has figured out a way to make super quick mashed potatoes from red potatoes that are just out of this world – we use them as go -to with our steak, chicken, pork, veg – what ever main we are having and its extremely satisfying to the little carb mongrel that lives in my body. The one that says ” but what about bread”….. all the time, or “but what about desert” …. the other times. So Potato carb somehow makes this voice alot less empowered and alot more subdued so its easier to just put a finger up and shhh it.

So left field shift, that will come back.

We had our dishwasher “fixed” because it was randomly draining on the floor – and what I mean by randomly is that I run the dishwasher probably 10 times a week – definitely daily and some days twice, the flip side of home cooking is keeping the place clean. And the darn thing started choosing to drain on the floor once every other week or so— like randomly it would take a weird pee on the floor as if to mark its territory and say “Mine my kitchen” — P and I being the most excellent troubleshooters we are have been baffled – well finally the repair guy came out – who was also baffled until it drained for him 🙂 only took 4 washes to get it to acquiesce (good little passive aggressive thing) – which he has marked it as “leaky seal” and replaced this….. mkay don’t ask me to explain how come a leaky seal randomly “choses” when to be leaky but hey if its fixed, its fixed right? and if not, we have your number guy and you can come back 🙂

So last week, just before chemo I started smelling something in the kitchen – a godawful smell that you don’t want to smell and particularly not in the kitchen. It seemed to be coming from the dishwasher area – but I could only smell it when the ac vents were running. And it came and went. Every other time I was in the kitchen this smell was there, and growing more deliberate.

I’m super sensitive to smells – always have been – and my mind decided in its Alethia Insanity to build a bridge were known was needed – the smell represented something dead in the vents, that needed to be resolved but was going to be a nightmare and it meant the universe was telling me I was dead. A whole 15 step arch that I would litany every time I went into the kitchen and smelled this horrible smell – this litany began only after the third time I asked P to come smell and he was unable to smell the thing. Of course it had faded by the time he got to the kitchen, but bless his heart he did stop what he was doing and come on in.

So this started on Wed and its been lingering, and I’m taken by just how many times throughout my day I actually GO to the kitchen – its like nearly everytime I get up– and while this smell wasn’t there “every” time it was there most — atleast every other. Smell, Litany – insert dramatic music with lots of drums – loop.

So I had chemo on Thurs – blessedly – and opted most of Friday to sleep.

Saturday we took stuff over to my sisters house which is its own story – we will call it our three hour tour – not because it took 3 hours, but because it was 3 separate trips.

Between trip 1 and 2 we arrive back into the house and P informs me “he can smell it” – and it was like the clouds lifted, and the chorus went to work again – and suddenly just suddenly maybe there was a different outcome to this horrible thing. And then he said “I think its coming from the table – are the potatoes okay? ” — This is why I need P in my life – because I had one answer to this, and he immediately saw a more likely answer that was 180 from mine.

Short story long – it was the potatoes, one was extremely rotten, and had leaked all over the bowl and the other 6 potatoes – they were not old – likely it was rotten upon arrival and we just didn’t notice – as it was rotten in an odd place, but when I moved that bowl and brought it over for him to confirm – Yep problem solved, rotten potatoes – action required but so much easier and noted.

Litany resolved – there will be no death because of potatoes! I cried, this was the mostly profoundly happy thing in a while I’d had – and yeah apparently I’m just ridiculously emo these days – but I’m also able to laugh about it – somehow the dead smell had pyramided into me being dead – There is a reason we call it Alethia Insanity – the trick is to find checks and balances that allow me to re-write the things that are so out of control as to not be particularly helpful/relevent.

The morale of this story is Rotten Potatoes saved the day!

Life is good.

There was a video – she is currently watching the tiktok platform for a number of reasons – heck I think most people are at this moment. The video was of Dolly Parton – whom I’ve always in fringe admired and respected because of all the things I’ve heard about famous people she is a down home body I’d have to dinner at my home – I digress – a video, where in the recent floods in her hometown which put so many people out of a house or in need for a long time, she created a personal fund to grant them each 1k for six months, and gave them a 5k bonus at the end, and the video was showing the unexpected bonus at the end and the people so awash in gratitude.

In my world, 1k is alot, however its not the whole budget, but I recall the days where my budget was 1k for the whole month, and I can only say her doing this is a god send. Her helping, not because it would be public, but because she could and THIS was the time to save the world…. atleast her world of the people in her sphere.

Its a lesson to me that the circles are an explanation and the amount is by what is deemed reasonable. For her, this was a very small amount, but had such a profound impact.

Mostly, the video made me cry – because I too needed the profound reminder that as much as there is strife and struggle in the world, its still a beautiful place and I’ve a right to be here.

I’ve been missing my blog. Its very hard to write about myself in the third person when so much is papercuts in life. It is however, necessary to document these for reflection as to big and large things and developing a perspective about whats important.

I’ve been enjoying my favorite treat of late – April Pancakes with a slab of greek yogurt. They are somehow taste, texture and overall win for flavor. They are pumpkin. Its hard to go wrong with Pumpkin in my life. It is satisfying to my soul in a way no other food really is…. I’m not certain why, I haven’t delved into this memory but somehow something is both soothing, reflective and overall happy about everything pumpkin I eat – even when the taste is less than – and thats not at all the taste with these pancakes. She worked hard to perfect the recipe so it includes very little ingredients that are unhealthy – while still retaining all its pancake and pumpkin goodness. They freeze exceptionally well, and one is more than satisfying.

Travel is on the horizon, I have the bug and I’ve been feeling a yellow light after the red for so long from the universe. It will still be …. less than ideal but it will also be alot of the new normal. I remember flying before 9/11 when we didn’t have TSA – and then after TSA …. This will be the next thing…. so gotta learn the “new” protocol.

I’m extremely reflective today – I asked P about possible hitting up the dam — which is oddly not called a dam (Lake Granger) — before we head to chemo – its not c ritcal but it would be a nice start to a straining day, so we will see if is sleep patterns acquiesce or require more mending.

Weather here lately has been so uncharacteristic, which has made all the allergens super high. We are both feeling this and you know your sinus/allergies are bad when you have Benadryl on subscribe and save.

Of all the things, life is good.

So we had no power for 20 hours. It was during a time when P was off, and the temperature was moderate – and while having no power for that amount of time is inconvenient in this modern day and age, of all the times it could have been it was outstanding in its delivery of “less” – so its fair to say that the lemons we were able to turn into some outstanding lemonade. We learned, we came, we saw, we conquered.

Many times in life things are going to be “not good” – how we chose to measure that “not good” is infinitely personal and I’m choosing to measure this time as a win. Both P and I were able to curb our bad emotional desires to just order out, and we slung that food like the best of them and cooked at home. The rewards are outstanding – there really isn’t anything that we get delivered that is nearly as good or healthy as the food that comes out of our kitchen.

I’ve noticed the scale has finally called uncle and has started to swing the pendulum – its also allowing me to be “less starving” all the time – I’m finding more and more alot of my “hunger” is emotionally not physically generated. Driving to the “lake” — aka Buchanan dam or lake granger are helping. While the one is so so much closer, the other includes a much longer drive.

P & I have been toying around with the idea of driving to Olympia – and yesterday watching him struggle to drive after being so so tired was a sure fire way to convince me that it truly isn’t a viable thing. We are not spring chickens anymore, and driving for 33 hours is not a small thing – even if we break it into 3 days its still 12+ hours a day – and we would need to take Starbuck with us so it would probably be even longer days with stops to let him move around/walk. I love the idea though, its so so great to pie in the sky a super longer driving trip thru parts of the country I’ve never seen. I even plotted it out and planned “stops” along the way. Was a super fun exercise for me — but a little sad at the “what haves” that could have been, cause there just isn’t a world in which this is possible today.

In the course of talking with P we have discovered the source of his vehemoth hatred of trips – he passionately dislikes airports – the entire process at the airport including the time – like waiting at the gate. While I don’t understand this, I respect his distillation of discomfort – its not that its an overly pleasant place for me either, but compared to all the other things I do that I have passionate distaste or dislike for — aka Medical things — the airport discomfort seems so so small, and I spend the time focusing on the fun that will be a byproduct – I see the effort as producing result.

Something I’ve learned, I have a pretty high tolerance for “doing things I don’t like” and or “discomfort” if the results justify/produce the desired outcome. Focusing on the goal. Or starting the project with the end in mind. Seeing those results vividly and keeping them as the attention rather than the discomfort of the moment which too will pass.

It was interesting to notice how truly quiet our house is without any power once the batter back ups stop squealing every few seconds to let us know “yes yes the power is still out” …. I also was made aware of how I’m pretty darn good at accommodating for this – as I had candles close and at the ready so we had “an ambient glow” — atleast for a few hours into the night – which I have to say was pretty helpful as “finding the toilet” would have been significantly more challenging in the black of night.

Overall, Life is good.

So many things going thru my head right now. I’m tired. I slept long enough last night, although bluntly who knows how long is long enough – sufficed to say I slept long enough to be more awake than tired, and able to get up happily and function.

I started my day off with a bang – started chai, started coffee, cleaned up kitchen – started laundry – all the chore things that a few months ago were alot less activation energy than they are now – thats life I guess — it seems to be life amidst the pandemic for alot of people. Activation energy is at a premium. Will things get done? The world may never know.

Today was filled with doing things from one task to the next before my mind or body had time to tell me it was too tired. These are normal routine things I know I can do. I’m tired now, but its a good tired its a tired from activity that makes me happy – and my house smells like tacos & chai — oh I forgot to mention — chopped cheese, made pico, making tacos …. three loads of laundry done.

Juicing might have to wait for tomorrow – I’m planning to make some juice out of my celery and the omg thats alot of ginger from costco — both juice and a simple syrup from the ginger so I can have all the homemade gingerale my little heart desires.

Dr appts were – as usual – a pita. Its a balancing game – while I need some of the things that they offer, I don’t need the headache they provide.

I found out today, thru the course of my – well Alethia’s wonderland — aka alethia insanity – — that P has not watched Aladdin….. Let me give a moment for that to sink on — like OMFGO how has he not watched this Disney movie that is so pivotal to alot of my expressions and thoughts, and more importantly HOW HOW have I missed that he has not watched this for almost 24 years?!? — I’m furmongled — which is part of my colloquialism but apparently google doesn’t recognize cause I can’t check the spelling — dictionary found it to be synonymous with “unglued” which is pretty much the definition I’m using. Long story short – I’ll be adjusting this travisty in the near future – this just pushed to the top of the “P must watch” list — its becoming more extensive, and I really should impliment some “table” to this list rather than just having it be an obscure thing.

I mean I realized the other day when I was talking to my mom and sis that we don’t watch things – we haven’t watched our ginormous tv in …. well more than six months – and the last movie i watched was early in 2020.

Its amazing to me how much of movies and music influence our thought patterns and habits — and amazing how much I’ve been isolated from them and how it has made me more cognizant of my own patterns and habits – Balance in all things.

Overall Life is good.

There was an old jingle from so so long ago “Michelob, some days, Michelob lite some days, Michelob dry some days …. are better than others”…. Its stuck in my head – I have to my knowledge never had a Michelob, and would not bother to try them but the jingle did what markters hope, it got stuck in my brain in a way that its taking up landscape that could be perhaps enjoyed by other more dynamic things.

My sister and I went to London recently and it occurs to me, I don’t remember going thru customs – I recall her being so excited because her passport finally had a stamp in it – and I “know” we had a driver set up to pick us up — I recall alot of the drive to the hotel as I was engaged with the driver. The experience for customs – I can “invent” in my mind – I’m quite good at Imagineering – thanks Disney for that expression – I can imagine what it would have been like to go thru, having gone thru many times in the past; after a long travel flight, but I don’t honestly recall the experience.

We had dinner early yesterday evening, and I was <again> as seems to happen alot lately, freezing cold. I stepped outside after dinner and sat in my chair which – typical Texas – was quite warm in the late afternoon, early evening. I fell asleep. After about an hour outside, I opted to retire for the evening, which ofcourse has me up quite early. Something P said yesterday struck me, and is still rolling around in my brain. He feels I am often quite tired, but I push myself to stay awake thru sheer will alone.

Somehow his words ring very true, which is why they are still rolling around. Right now as I type this, its earlier than 5am, and I’m awake – having woken at a little after 3 and tried to convince myself to sleep, but Michelob had other plans. So I rose to greet the day, but was it my wakeful ness in the midst of tired or is that sheer will alone? I don’t know.

There were crusty things and an overall redness in my left eye this morning, not both only the left – the side of my body that is struggling with a few challenges of late – extra lymph in my leg and arm. Now the eye has joined its flight of fancy.

The things that strike me lately are … quite diverse, I don’t know if they have always been or just more so now – I was having a rough Monday, when I went for my injection/labs, and one of my favorite nurses asked me the usual “psychological questions” — for documentation purposes a little preamble here about the fact that every visit to the Oncology office is riddled with a survey of “how are you doing”…. I don’t know who or what they use this “data” for but — I do know its been many visits of information captured about “me” – well, and every other patient that has cancer – it asks about 15 standardized questions of “how are you doing” type nature – most of which I just breeze past 95% of the time with a 0 on a 1-10 scale of “are you doing okay”…. except pain which I normally put between 2-3 depending upon the day — well this Monday pain was alot higher than usual – so I indicated a 6 – which one of my favorite nurses, as she shares my sisters name, and a general overall kindness that is contagious – was shocked, as I had in her experience never indicated such a dramatically high level – she commented about that, and provided extra sympathetic support —— I often feel like the nurses go above and beyond to provide for not only our physical, but also so many other types of support – it really is a thankless job that they do — Reminder to myself to express my gratitude to them over and over again. Somehow her expression of surprise and shock were engaging to my mind, and while I don’t recall her precise words of sympathetic support, it was … well it got my mind flipping it over and over again like a pancake.

The medicine I am on causes depression. I am perpetually on the look out for “these” signs. My feelings the past day or so have been down in that alley kicking the ball around with the boys from the badside of the town. I should not be in this place, its neither healthy nor constructive for me – but its challenging to leave.

My brother shared a picture of my niece and my mom with me and it was so great, it was a beautiful photo and it was incredible to see the resemblance to my mother in the baby. I reached out to my dad to let him know I wish he were here to see her – she is such a gift, a cherished present in these tumultuous times in which we are living. A shining ray of hope in a dark place.

I have to remind myself that hope springs eternal – like so many of those streams and waterfalls in my mind from childhood memories of vacations driving thru the blue ridge mountains. Just like the water over the rocks, hope is always there. Much like the words of the Desiderata – “… and whether it is clear to you or not, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should…. It is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. “

Life is good.

… and the rest will follow… — Okay so apparently I looked it up and its actually “free your mind and the rest will follow” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7iQbBbMAFE

80s song by En Vogue – which is … oddly more appropriate for the day and age than the thought I’m having.

So so happy about my sister graduating – she got her official diploma for her bachelors just before mothers day and I am just so so grateful from the universe that I was able to attend – all be it virtually.

She has started exploring her possibilities and its amusing to me to watch P start to get motivated by her achievements – gotta keep the pace buddy – so she is so much more an inspiration to him for somethings than I could ever be to encourage him to go back and study more and get his PHD.

We were exploring last night, and found a program that atleast seems interesting to him. He, as usual. doesn’t feel qualified to apply – to which I just smile and shake my head – knowing full well that they would be BLESSED and grateful to have him.

He had a day yesterday – hell we have both had a week. Chaos is strong with us right now – so much in flux so much dynamic going on.

One of his co-workers – distant one gave him kudos – and he was able to help the guy solve a problem – much like the ones he himself has recently been struggling with – in record time. They guy was so grateful, and so surprised when P was not only willing to help but super fast and able to get to the root and solution very quickly.

He is an incredible guy, and this is a very trying time for him. Its trying for me, this infection on top of all the other things just won’t go away.

Insert Alethia Insanity here: I’ve had some meditations/dialogues with the bacteria invading my body – they have explained they have been here for decades and they are offended at my resent attempts to rid them of their happy homes. I’ve expressed that the greater good of the whole machine is the objective and there is no home if that falls apart. Negotiations are somewhat at a stand still, so unfortunately a new round of a new antibiotic is invading the rest of the happy homes of the carefree supportive gut biome that is keeping me alive – time to figure out how to raise the oceans without completely eliminating florida – I mean heck it has some nice places.

Today is a chai day – yesterday my body decided to wake me at 2am, and I tried for half hour to convince it to sleep – we ended with me acquiescing – it was a small battle to lose – there were obligations involved with this – I made P his jalapeno poppers – and I baked – the thing that my mind wouldn’t let go to use up the rest of the flax seed flour taking up landscape in my kitchen.

So the baking adventure started with me using my mask — unfortunately snotting all over the inside of my mask – time for a replacement — to protect from the Jalapeno juice/spices that always end up making me take three times as long for the “breaks to breath” from the heat – they are especially hot this year ESPECIALLY – so the act of washing, clipping and cleaning somehow produces this enormous cloud of “heat wave” across my kitchen – I thought i was being clever to use my mask – hell its an application for it right? — Um apparently when the air the mask blows in comes from just outside where the jalapeno juice is…. its not really protection from that 100% — I will say I didn’t need breaks, I was able to do the whole thing in the original 10 minutes and the mask did catch most all of the post nasal drip that my sinus like to provide when I give them an irritant – of any variety “raises fist in mock curse of the ragweed and other pollens” — I digress.

So after throwing his poppers in the oven, it was “time” to endeavor to experiment with my cooking ponderings. Flax flour, eggs, garlic/onion powder, salt, pepper, greased pan, shredded cheese, 3 jimmy dean sausages — 50 minutes …. and I had something similar to a frittata/.quiche ? but apparently after cooling an hour didn’t ever set up completely in the middle. I tested the sides, and it turned out beautiful on the outside 1/3 both sides, and I was able to salvage the sides of the middle so I got roughly 3 – 1 inch pieces — add a little salsa and a little sour cream and we will call it “bbas” breakfast bites alethia style — a little more time consuming and maybe a tad more labor intensive than just frying eggs – but kinda interesting and I think I can tweak this.

Today just chai – well I started another batch of my cold brew to continue to be able to enjoy Nitro – we have started making that here at home, and its just so so smooth – P has looked at a device to allow me to make more than “one a day” using the whip cream maker – but its just not …. well it would be a 1 hit wonder appliance and we already have so many of those, and its likely to end up in the hands of my brother for beer …. its basically a 64 oz container that allows you to “Nitro” just about anything – so I’d be adding cold brew, and it would save me 1 cartidge and potentially 1 day of labor – as I’d only have to clean/sort it out every other day when I ran out of coffee – its actually more like 54 oz of coffee — to allow room for the gas to permeate — while it would definitely be stronger nitro I don’t know if that’s a good thing, and I can’t imagine it would be as easy to clean as my little one considering its super fast. So we wait for our super cool new coffee maker that has been on back order since last year – and is scheduled to come before third quarter – my faith is strong but not abundant that this date will stick.

Life is good.

There is a game that I play on the regular called WOW or worlds of warcraft. It has a place, a magical island that shows up once per month per faction to allow “players” to visit and experience a carnival. I remember doing carnivals when I was little – the little gypsy things that would set up in the grocery store and be magical. This is a virtual version of the carnival. There are quests, pets, all sorts of things only available from the place.

Today has been one of those days, where I am struck by the parallels between medical and gypsy carnivals. They are both offering something esoteric in their design that isn’t exactly what it says it is in either case.

There were things. — Truth be told, many of them.

People were humans – How Dare They!!!

I evolved.

There is a part of me that learned some lessons and some tools today. More things to be aware of, sort of like traffic lights verses stop signs – they both serve the purpose of regulating and controlling traffic – however some are designed with larger audiences in mind.

Thoughts are sort of like Jello and deciding to firm up in my head.

Its been a few days/weeks since I blogged, so I figured I’d toss a few words up to download whats in my head.

People are great. People suck. There is no extreme or conflict in these two statements, its just how it is – there is a blessing and gratitude of being alive to experience them.

Basically I’ve found I probably need alot more sleep ideally on the regular, but there is just so much life to experience and I’m here to enjoy.

Life is good.

May Day activities are virtual now, so I’ll just swing my birthday sasha and prance around the virtual may pole and celebrate.

Everytime the First of May rolls around, I hear the song from the musical Camelot – I have to give a big shout out to my motherinlaw for turning me onto musicals at a young enough age that the passion for them kinda stuck – Camelot is one of my favorites – and they do this amazing May Day song… Sorta happiness in a chord.

I’m trying out a first version of a new granola recipe today. If this works out, its a little more complex than my chai to make, but not much and I’m excited at being able to control the sugar – if it doesn’t work out — well it will be tasty either way, just not quite the granola I’m seeking …. so we tweak baby!

I enjoy cooking a bit, more baking – the aspect of developing/creating my own recipes and seeing them produce such fabulous things.

Another thought that is Alethia Insanity 101 came to my mind last night when I was doing my wind down meditations.

I have been PCOS my whole life. I’ve also been overweight since the age I hit puberty. This somewhat goes hand in hand in my opinion – something “breaks” in my body when it hits over a particular weight threshold and does not produce enough hormones. This has been – well from MY perspective, not something medical or scientific – but from an intuition perspective…. with what I’m dealing with in the big C – and the fact that it is triple positive and super aggressive – this is kinda a good thing.

The particular flavor of cancer in my body loves hormones, its also ridiculously aggressive and tends to move alot faster than I’ve been able to see — but I feel this is likely due to the fact that a normal human body producing more hormones is feeding it alot more of a smorgasbord of a diet. I have been … well being in a state where my body isn’t producing extra hormones may have actually be helpful.

This thought/intuition was brought about by something P said, and something I replied to that was… a left field response unexpected and was totally true — I wondered about it for a brief bit, but my head decided to produce an answer….. Goodness knows if its right.

So I think I’ll go back to my May Day bliss and wrap up with my Life being Good.

For things that make you shake your head – I guess the concept of life points should be explained too…

Like when you do something that makes your inner child happy but is NOT detrimental to the goals of your teenage or adult children you get points – big points – I think the child is worth more points than the other two – or atleast for me.

When you do something that is “bad” for your goals – those things, you know your going to do, because its part of being human that are not “great choices” …. you lose points. Maybe not as many as you gain – if your an optimist like me and you feel that a good growing points total is a happy thing.

Sometimes you loan or gift points to someone else when they are having a down day = and while you do get points for this action – depending on if it was beneficial or detrimental to you – its never as many as you give like it has diminishing returns – because some one else is not you.

That adage of put on your oxygen mask before you help someone else comes to mind.

P mentioned an article he read recently — this was after I expressed my outrage/frustration/headshake at the article posted in broad letters on the front page of the texas oncology place – you know the cancer treatment center where I go twice a week or more frequently – where some “kind hearted inaccurate soul” — thought to post an article about “does cancer eat sugar” — where they are in support of the concept of “good sugars” are okay….. Um… I don’t care the subject, but I can find research to support just about any position – that is one of the things that English taught us “how to write a good debate paper that supports your argument”…. the support can be loose. In this case, I went to the support because I was so so outraged by the article – the support is actually an MD anderson – the leading experts on cancer — an article loosely taken out of context ….. Let me explain. Cancer Cells eat sugar 10x more effectively than healthy cells. So “while” your body, can eat sugar, its a carb, it likes those too….. It 100% will feed cancer at a much more aggressive rate — so, yeah…. some carbs are necessary or less bad, but most are better avoided if you already have cancer in particular – I mean yeah the processed candy tastes great, I love cake, pie and ice cream as much as the next person, but having cancer is just an excuse to have “less” of those things on the regular than the normal person 10X people 10x — think of a salad bar, or a desert all you can eat…. and your healthy cells – the ones keeping you alive they have to wait while 10 of those cancer cells gorge themselves on the bar before then can even get there.

I digress

P mentioned an article that came up on one of his feeds – that was along this same vein – “essential oils cause 1/3 of seizures” …. we tabled it for last night, because 1 – it was way too sensationalism for me to have any belief in it, and I was too tired….. but tomorrow is another day in the words of the great O’hara — and I’ve done some research. … Camphor and Eucalyptus was the “source” of the accurate research – and they looked at Epileptic adults having seizures in the hospital – and the findings were 12% — which is alot less than 1/3 — but hey reality used to be a part of me…. I mean 33% ? Really? No Fing way.

I like essential oils, and I do feel more research is needed….. Mostly because they are insanely helpful – but they have now coined an ACRONYM about this seizure thing…. EORS – Essential Oil related seizures. Wow – someone has a thing against smells – why don’t we just coin one called GRS – Game related seizures or TRS – Tech related seizures…. I mean seriously? Essential oils are “plant based” and while I will be the FIRST to recognize they are potent – why be fear mongering?

For reference, garlic has also been noted/documented to caused “increased neural activity” – aka seizures…. I will be the first person to tell you if I NEVER ever experience one of these buggers again I’ll be happier for it and if I had some magic to prevent my sister from her struggles I would do it – but I don’t think blaming essential oils – which help one naturally “RELAX” — I mean I’d actually be more interested in which of the anti-seizure companies are using plants specifically utilized in essential oil therapy to construct the anti-seizure meds they use — chamomile, lavender, These are essential oils – do they cause seizures? There are essential oils for nearly every type of thing one wants, they are lumped into a category – might as well say “drugs cause 1/3 of all seizures” because I am pretty certain I could find proof to verify that thesis faster/easier than “essential oils cause 1/3 of all seizures” ….

Things that make me shake my head – Yes I’ll take erroneous information for 1000 Alex – and don’t be shorting my cash because you can’t make up your mind!

Life is good.

Right now many many thoughts are tossing around like a tilt-a-whirl inside my brain.

There is a post-it on my desktop that says – its from a ted talk I watched recently “are my thoughts useful? How do they behave?” ….. I thought it was such a profound thing at the time that I posted it and kept it to remind me —-

In these times especially – focus on what I can do – what I can fix – what I is within my realm of responsibility – and forget or eliminate all the thoughts, worry and concern over all the other things.

Today was an exceptionally productive day – we accomplished alot of my “honey do” projects today — but I found a thing I’m not particularly happy to have found. Trying to focus on the good things, and not linger my time or energy on the other. Its a challenge.

Its a good day over all, with me feeling alot more – well I feel stronger today, except for this thing – and overall its alot easier to stay focused on what I need to be doing to heal.

We went to HEB today — well, I went – because there was a thing I wanted, that instacart “couldn’t find” … its sort of … well it makes me shake my head…..

I’ve had alot of discussions/thoughts about how fast food isn’t really fast – the latest thought is that instacarts is not really convenient for me anymore.

Being vaccinated – and being as how the store is so close – and being as how they are still enforcing the covid mask things — I feel its practically safer to actually shop myself – not to mention the fact that I can find reasonable alternatives if the product isn’t available, rather than just some crap that will cost me twice as much – and I don’t have to pay upcharges or service fees, or tips — for the privilege of getting my groceries delivered on someone elses timetable.

There is / was a time place where it might have been a better choice, but I feel like perhaps that isn’t where we are today. It took us 20 minutes to fetch the things I wanted and it was alot less expensive than the couple of things I had delivered about 2 hours before. …… basically I feel like my 20 minutes netted me a reward of food half the price of what I got delivered.

We are scanning with our UV all the foods we get – and I’m able to just “not touch things” until I sanitize after having been in the store.

New normal is very …. odd – its a very odd place to be.

There was a guy at the infusion room today – overheard his conversation – his last name was smith – which kinda made me giggle a little inside – but he was talking to one of his “farm hands” about feeding be new bulls he just got delivered from his son in Colorado yesterday — and he was jokingly telling the farm hand that they would be “super docile” …. and I laughed — I mean bulls and docile don’t really mesh very much — had the chance to talk to him – and he was a happy guy – I mean I was happy/having a good day …. and we were both in the infusion room for “things”…. so health was obviously foremost on our minds — but we had a short little banter back and forth and it was fun and amusing.

Some things in life can be the same – while everything else just isn’t anymore.

All in all – life is good.