This was the week of scans. MRI, CT, Bone scan…. so much contrast, my body is extremely unhappy with this state of affairs, and it has been quite vocal at expressing its discontent.

I will find out, next week, in the round of doctors appts “how” the scans look and went. This week I just have to endure the circus – all be it a pleasant one from a people perspective – ARA is “good” at what they do, and they must treat their employees well, because they are in a good mood, and very willing/able to help their patients.

This has been a week of exceptional tired. Partially because even in attempting to “not be worried” about these things, I still am…. and also the actual tests themselves. Just gimme sleep … has been the mantra the past few days.

Today is a different sort of self care/health day. Its Friday! That is a get to hang with my brother and go from appt to appt. Wrapping up the day with acupuncture which is both therapeutic and also very feel good.

Yesterday I got to hang with mom and we got to hang a bit with D but all was cut a wee bit short because I was just super super tired.

I don’t recall the contrast hitting me quite as hard in the past, but I guess its a little too much to expect for them to be “less hard” with more and more of them. They do have a cumulative effect, and this was number four this year…. for each of the tests, and each of the contrasts.

I really wish with all the technological advancements that they would find a better less invasive way to “scan” things, and determine “whats going on” …. I suppose this IS a less invasive way, but its still a bit more invasive than it feels like it “could” be….

P watched the new apple video – where they introduce the new tech that apple is hanging their business model on. We only watched half an hour, and I have to say they are actually really working on racial diversity. While they have always been a company that touted this, their presentations showed a different side – a old white man network side. This one, just like the one a month or so back – showed a different side. It showed tremendous sex/race diversity. The information and the way it was presented also showed this – in the idea font being more than just “get on a stage and show off my tush, while everyone watches a video” …. which has been the norm in the past. This presentation was far more engaging, and seemed like you were personally involved with the technology.

Thankfully they cancelled the debates preferring a hatfield vs mccoy method that I was also able to avoid – having no network tv. Sometimes, its nice to remain blissfully ignorant – particularly when you know no good will come of knowledge. There is an expression which I have always embraced which is the antithesis of this concept “Knowledge is power” — but there is also a time, when power isn’t important. Power – while in a sense it turns on the lights, it doesn’t “actually” “turn” “on” “the” “lights” – there is no “action” in power, its a state of being – a construct – and it really isn’t power; its a false sense of attainment to something that is imaginary.

Love is power, and I’m certain there was no love in these futile attempts to panhandle opinions. I think Love Lost is one of the more sad things right now. Losing opportunities to share, and increase love. Its like missing that chance to hug- never know if it could be the last one.

There is so little we know… power grabs we do, and they are just — well when you watched the bully on the playground when you were little, you either walked away, you stood up to them, you went and got the teacher…. you did something, maybe you got bullied. It was still a bully, and it’s easy to recognize as an adult. Doesn’t make it any more valuable today, than it did them. Just forty more years sad. Sad they are missing out on the true value in love.

That song “all you need is love” – is frighteningly the truth. While I recognize you can’t actually “eat” love…. there is so so much food waste, that technically, if everyone was practicing the concept of “all you need is love” – you would be eating in abundance, from love.

Personally, I’ve been focusing on healing. The combination of Love and Gratitude.

I am grateful for all the blessings, and helpful people in my life. I’m surrounded by love, and I’m grateful for that, it has been allowing me to elevate my healing, and that for that, I’m very grateful.

There is a juice place – Juiceland. That makes amazing fresh veggie and fruit juice. They used to have one close, but the one we are using now is pretty far away.

There celery juice is amazing. Their “I dream of Greenie” is just fantastic, and they have this shot – with Ginger, Turmeric, Lemon juice that is both super potent, and just “Pow” to your immune system.

They are not cheap, but everytime I get it, my body bows its head, and folds its arms, and says “thank you” with all the gratitude of the universe.

Its very very hard NOT to want to have this feeling all the time. When you know something so powerful is so good for you – NOT getting it is…. well it feels like being a custodian of your palace and not picking “the best” wallpaper, or the “best” floor…. Yes, yes contractor we will go with the “cheap crap” it won’t be as pretty or as good, but it will be cheap.

P has taken to calling this place “Israel” because even in the most direct route, its significantly further away than any of my other appts and not close. Apparently the one that used to be closer; and somewhat on the way to/from many appts; closed – the manager of that location is now the manager of this location – so the quality and happy employees seeps through the entire experience.

P will ask me, “Do you need to go to Israel?” – and in my head now, I’ve started calling this juice place “Israel” – I am not a jew. While it is something I completely revere. While it is something I can think of no higher respect than to honor it by marking my journey to the healthiest most incredible place here in town that I can frequent – with this title…. I can also see why its potentially irreverent.

The bane of seeing things from both sides.

We were talking today – about the fact that there are NO drive thru Indian restaurants. How this is 100% a missed market. How I told P that what we need is to find an Indian family that is able to cook incredible things, and willing/wanting to open a restaurant … and be silent partners.

I can visualize this incredible place, with NO indoor seating. Outdoor pavilions/pagodas that could be decorated for each holiday…. but could be hosed off for cleaning, to ensure its safe and clean. With a drive thru, to enable delivery…. maybe a walk up window, but maybe not. Maybe just a drive thru for order/pick up.

When we were talking about this, I said one of the most racist things I’ve ever come to say…. realizing it as soon as it slipped out of my head/mouth. The Indian restaurants that are “the best” are only staffed with Indian people. When an Indian restaurant goes bad or down hill – is when they staff or higher white people. I don’t know why this is the case, and I can see that it’s probably “not” that they are intentionally “not” hiring white people…. more that they have enough family or relatives in need of safe work to staff.

So I think, maybe with my recognition of my flaws of racism, I’m not cut out in this day and age to open this restaurant – but I certainly do wish there were a drive thru indian restaurant … and I wish Juiceland were closer.

There is a song… “walk the dinosaur” — with wonderful lyrics like: “Boom boom acka-lacka lacka boom” — its one of those songs, that can’t help but make you happy.

It also talks about the dinosaurs and while its kinda easy to acknowledge they are extinct, it’s also kinda a cautionary tale.

Thought occured to me, which will seem a little spiderweb ish but is gonna go back to this tale…. This time, this day and age…. this virus… its one of the most social impactful things for tying together the “alike” ness of humanity. While there have been times in history as P so cleverly pointed out to me, in the past where “things” forced a societal shift in “this is good” or “this is bad” … they were not as global as this one is…..

Instantaneous communication allows for instantaneous shifts. Its like humanity as a whole has developed this incredible superpower. The ability to instantly – or with in a very short period of time – change an entire “thing” …

Oh the possibilities of this….

In this particular case, its about survival, so adoption is pretty much kinda a no brainer, and its easy to ostracize those that “don’t” comply…. not certain whether this is actually a good or bad thing… but it is definitely “a thing” — and the power for good or bad is clearly self evident.

The possibilities of this, for climate change, or for social integration of deltas in lifestyle or perspective… is so so inspiring. Knowing that this tool is out there, is both incredible frightening and incredible liberating. There is the possibility of change.

The thought was put before me that this virus … is Mother Natures way of culling the herd of humanity. Its a way of reducing the excess population. I don’t know if I support this concept wholly… but it is an interesting thought. Also makes me ponder if Virus’s/Bacteria are actually a superior species than humanity…. Much like a predator is generally considered as a superior species — or maybe superior isn’t correct, but higher in the food chain. We are effectively food for this virus.

When we congregate, and make it easier for the virus to spread, we are effectively providing them with a smorgus borg of humanity to enjoy. Dunno why my head has gone to this space, but its part of recognizing that all life – even annoying virus’s is a precious thing. … I will just continue to pray that it leaves my friends, family, and all of the loved ones of my loved ones alone.

I wonder what the planet would look like with extinction of humanity. Or in another random thought – what did it look like when the dinosaurs were the head honchos on this world…. I wonder if they considered what it would be like without them thriving. Humanity is strong and resourceful… I don’t think the extinction events that killed the dinosaurs would actually whip us off the planet… I’m not precisely certain what would, but while we are here, perhaps being better stewards is a thing.

Or atleast more singing and dancing…. “Boom boom acka-lacka lacka boom”

There was a song when I was growing up – hell I’m still growing up who am I kidding – but there was a song when i was “much younger” … by a group that I don;t think is even still “around” much anymore… Seven Mary Three The song was called “Cumbersome” – the lyric in this song that always comes back to me is “There is a balance between two worlds one with an Arrow and a cross” and then a little known lyric on one of the versions of the song “You must decide for yourself, between what is won and what is lost”

Life is perpetually sending me reminders “Balance in all things”…. that song, always comes to my mind when I’m getting another one of those little jiminy cricket moments, its like he is channeling the group and singing on my shoulder.

So infection seems gone… and I’ve been working to “reduce” my dependence on the Steroid that I’ve been taking since the last radiation. It has overall helped my health, and kept alot of very unpleasant symptoms under control. However, my intuition has told me that its time to reduce this as a part of my healing.

Also recently, I had the revelation that I was drinking a little bit much caffeine. I mean coffee – like all things is good in moderation, but its also not the only source of caffeine I imbibe nor is it little on the scale. As I’ve done in the past, I thought “Heck” lets do a detox from caffeine!

The universe was quick to remind me – balance in all things. Less than 24 hours after making this decision — I suddenly felt exhausted, and really really run down. Like 12+ hours sleep, with a nap, and that two days in a row.

Man what was wrong with me? I talked it out to P and he is like “Um, why are you giving up caffeine again? (He knows me so well, and he has been through a couple of these detox things in the past) and I’m … well I pause and realize Maaaaaaaybbbbbbee this isn’t the best time for this decision. So I get some coffee and like magic I suddenly feel better.

Balance in all things grasshopper. The time will come, the season to reduce caffeine, but this isn’t it…. reducing steroid is good for my overall health right now, and the caffeine will help deal with symptoms from that.

Had the RR workshop last night, and the lady went through the EFT as a tool for releasing suppressed emotions. As I know this is a HUGE thing for me – I’ve been doing this actively for months now, casually for a couple years…. I paid close attention. EFT is such a profound thing, I need to explore it more.

Its really cool to be doing this workshop with my mom. She has such a different perspective – and also some of the same perspective. Her takeaways are always very intriguing for me.

Next week is my next “performance reviews” — MRI< CT< Bone scan — then the week after will be the appts with the doctors to “review” the results. I will admit I was alot more nervous about those before the workshop last night, somehow it gave me a little spring in my step that these are going to be good reviews this time, and that I just need to keep focusing on the positive.

Roasted a pumpkin yesterday – and the seeds, which somehow I burned the seeds…. also I “learned” that the seeds can be (according to P – for more favorable taste/texture) shelled…. although the shells are very edible…. and “some” of the ones I roasted were still edible… I think its the spices that I used that actually burned, so next time a little lower temp, and a little longer on the roast, and shelled first 🙂 …. but I have to say OMG I’m so happy. The pumpkin turned out amazing. I can’t believe I have been confining myself to the can so so long. The true pumpkin was so easy to do, and tasted just as I’d been hoping/craving.

It makes the most AMAZING snack with a little greek yogurt. I roasted it with pumpkin pie spice & coriander — with a little avocado oil inside to keep it moist. The spices permeated through the shell and it just turned out so so so yummy.

I can’t believe its taken me this long to try this – I’ve roasted winter squash for a long time and just love them … but this was a first, and will DEFINATELY be repeated again. Had to have P help me with the in half cut, as I have always had a bit of a Knife restriction in my life – but even more so of late.

The balance is real, and for all the struggling I’ve been having to try and find a way to enjoy pumpkin without all the sugar, this was a true blessing. It satisfied my craving, so that itch now has a scratch.

I get to have my coffee, pumpkin and eat it too! aha Balance… Life is good.

When I was a teenager, one of my guilty pleasures was watching the soap opera “one life to live” Something about watching other peoples lives spun out in ultra dramatic format seemed glorious to me.

Its not that there was NOT my own fair share of drama, its that these people – well first they all had money, and amazing things that were supposedly to be aspired to…. Sure they had people going crazy, and people trying to kill each other, but my somewhat irrational teenage mind, while acknowledging that this was entirely a fictional show … somehow reconciled that: “Wealth brought its own share of problems”

Since coming to realize that this show was … well soap operas in general, I suppose serve a purpose — much the same as the news anymore…. they are about sensationalism, and drama.

The pure and simple fact is — I have one life to live, and its filled with one love – a pure love for everything. That doesn’t mean that I won’t be grouchy or agitated or angry at some of the things that that “one love” has brought before me….. but it does mean, my goal is ultimately to remember that I love them, at the core beneath the surface annoyance.

Sure that guy that cut us off on the road, and nearly caused a four car back up, because the guy behind us was riding our rear, as was the guy behind him, and him and him…. Maybe the guy in front really didn’t see us…. there are all sorts of rational justifications for the worry and stress he put me thru … choosing to react is my choice. Particularly when we were, ultimately, safe, and not harmed other than the “shock” of it – but then there are alot of shocks these days …. most of them are also not worth reacting to….

Its hard, when the sources of so much of the shock and inconceivable story is propagated by sources that from a society perspective – from a leader perspective are supposed to set a tone and example for “how” my behavior should be – and they are anything but calm.

But then, I think if the soap opera had just been like leave it to beaver or hazel – probably I’d have turned them off. There is a part of my personality that thrives on sensationalism. But its a balance.

There is a reason why they call it the “calm before the storm” — your supposed to get a period of calm “before” you get the shit show. I guess from a very high level view, this “is” the period of calm… and while it “seems” like its a perpetual shit show…. maybe this isn’t the real one… maybe this is the time to just be happy and enjoy the amazing things that ARE here.

To remember, the words of Bob Marley – “One Love” — Lets get together and feel all right….. “”Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right.”

Had some weird clarifications this year about some appearing divergence in spiritual thinking that isn’t really divergent at all its just perspective thingies creating the illusion of difference – as usual, practicing what you preach brings illumination. Energy is energy – its all one. Religion is about creating a banner or business to promote the delta rather than the uniformity. …. Kinda like in spaceballs when they sold canned Air, sure its possible to can it – sure its possible to can it, and for some folks that is what they need…. Just one calorie.

I love ritual and religion is chalk full of that… so I think, I’ll continue to take/embrace the ritual that works for me, and still continue to discard the labels applied by religion. …. its like the theme song for the show on Showtime – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4KfJztaJ5I (Little Boxes is the name of the song) == oddly the TV show was called “weeds” and was about selling POT. — It had alot of entertainment value for the sensationalism aspect.

I feel like maybe I’m old enough now to just remember I have one life to live, and that all I need is love – and to remember its all around me.

We got invaded! There were two of them, and they scared the living begesus out of us when they were clawing at the glass on our back window last evening. Its fair to admit that I thought it was Henry, the neighbors dog arriving for a visit – as he does or has in the past, because the clawing was persistent and had Starbuck all barky barkerson.

No it was not Henry – it was two enormous Armadillo. While its not the first time I’ve seen a live Armadillo – its the first time I’ve seen them in pairs, and so huge. They proceeded to climb all over my patio furniture, and up to my firepit. I watched as the littler one – which its sort of worth mentioning – neither were really “little” – help the larger one to get up on the ottoman, from which the rest of the porch was pretty easily circumventable.

I did capture a couple of photos before P decided “Enough of that” and went to scurry them off the porch with a broom.

It occured to me — both in my elation, that another spirit animal with a pretty clear message to me – that these are the “true” texans… They were here, likely long before people arrived. = We were the tourists as far as the dillo were concerned.

In looking up these animals it was pretty interesting to learn a bit about them from “Wiki”

As the initial excitement of the dillo invasion passed, and they went back to aerating my lawn – as they have been doing for months with P claiming it was them…. and me just well, it’s hard to care about this right now, with so many other things going on. As they haven’t done any damage other than creating little soil pockets every few feet, neither P nor I had considered it too much of a nuisance.

We have been pretty certain that they have a nest in my rosemary in the front – having eaten thru one of the bushes completely and taken another down to its roots. We were never ever to “see” or “find” them with our casual attempts – I mean lets face it – I’m not really animal hunter – I leave that to cats…. and “finding” would have meant “determining what I was going to do about it” and that would have been another contemplative project probably fraught with sadness – best to just let Nature be Nature.

One thing I did notice, I don’t know whether its because of the isolation or the not having trips – and bluntly, I noticed it much more profoundly shortly after the dillo visit…. when I suddenly realized really good. Somewhat like coming out of a fog or haze. Like suddenly all was right with the universe….. Really a dillo invasion fixed my world? Yep.

Trying to sort out how I felt/feel about this, or what it means is still something I’m allowing the recesses of my mind do…. and ofcourse I’ll get help from the Paid professional today…. but overall, I laughed about it, because it felt pretty incredible.

Still don’t know if I should be letting “nature” be “nature” … but its probably what’s going to occur… until I figure/find/hear of some reason this is “bad” — I mean I don’t want these guys wandering into the street and getting themselves squashed – but I also don’t really want to have some animal control guys hauling them off to get Excommunicated either. — a thought for another time.

Got P to take me to juiceland yesterday – have been craving it a bit for the past few days. We drove to the location in Georgetown, only to find …. rather abruptly that its closed. To be fair, I think R told me it closed, or somewhere in the corner of my mind it “seems” like something he would have told me…. but it also didn’t seem super vital, I’m certain at the time. So after a negotiation with P and getting him to take me all the way up to this place … to find it was closed, it was not a happy camper moment… but good news we found, “there was another”….. so we drove to the “other” which was a little further in an entirely different direction…. but was satisfying.

Got my juice, and it helped my body get some of the nutrients its been craving. Got labs done yesterday – so so much taken so many tests. Happy to find out alot of the numbers are looking good. … Oddly they didn’t do a CBC – so many labs drawn – 5 vials in total. but no CBC? very very curious. Rather makes me super curious what else she took. I will get a full report on Friday when I go in, so curiosity will only be a bit longer.

It was a rather interesting conversation to overhear in the waiting room about two folks from Taylor talking about how that town has evolved in the past few years – not being or living in Taylor I didn’t have much of a say to join the discussion, Many of the places they talked about are areas I’ve “seen” driving thru…. or heard my friends who call this home, talk about. It was just another case of small small world.

Suffice to say, its rather surprising to me how happy I can be about being invaded – I mean these were rather interesting looking invaders, and as realistically, I guess I’m more the invader to them … I hope they found me Texan enough for the time being. *busts out a little hum for – The stars at night, are big and bright…. Deep in the heart of Texas…*

Right now, I’m working to reduce my intake of caffeine and also reduce the amount of steroid I’m getting in weekly doses. These two things at once have made a powerful poppy impact on my body. Sleep is just one of things that is coming more and more natural to me right now. While I know that doing these is the right thing, the being so so tired is a bit hard.

Also know its time to get back on the low carb wagon very soon. Trying to moderate the other things first, so as to have a bit more energy to move thru that phase. Have heard from a few friends that its not as miserable the second time, but “not as miserable” does not at all mean its a pleasant experience. The end result will be “good” as it has always been.

Small moves forward, that concept of just keep swimming. On the plus side, my bed and I have taken our relationship to the next level. We are having frequent “sleep overs” now…. I washed the sheets this weekend, and it felt glorious. Something about clean sheets will just always be such an amazing feeling to me. Its like fresh rain, atleast somewhat in a sense.

We did a driving adventure again this weekend – to lake granger. Got to take D with us – it was as always – such an amazing time. The weather here has been so “fall” lately – with the leaves on the trees just beginning to contemplate whether or not its best to stay on the trees…. that contemplation can be felt most acutely by my sinuses.

The trees got a hair cut this weekend also – P took care of this; which is an ideal thing, since he is very critical about who will cut the trees, and what they will do — I always just look for the best price…. He found someone, they agreed on it – and our trees now look quite spiffy with their newly cleared limbs. They seem happier – and our grass is also happier at the new sun its able to get now. The guy was pretty good and also mulched our other trees and my rosemary and roses in the front. The whole yard – both front and back now look all spiffy and ready for “fall” to “fall”

The weather has been just amazing, with the highs in the low 80s and the lows in the 50s – it makes the day just wonderful – and we have had blustery days – the sort where the chimes in the back go off throughout the day, and the wind just keeps everything in flux. Its great for opening windows and airing things out too.

I tried another recipe from my hunts of late for a “breakfast thingie” that doesn’t include eggs – well or atleast doesn’t have them as the main ingredient. This recipe was Oat Bars. At first, they seemed to come out too soft – as they were designed to be more like “granola” style bars. They were tasty, but soft. However, that all changed when I froze them and tried them the next day! Amazing how the freezer can bring out the best in some things…. Freezing slowing things down, and moving it backwards to move it forwards.

May all things move backwards to move forwards as long as it keeps the progress forwards…. may rest be achieved, and gratitude for all the loving people and times in my life.

Apparently the 45 and his wife have tested positive for the fiend. While my brain is creative, I’d like to think that any of the possible reasons someone could say they tested positive while not actually being positive – well … life is about suffering. Learning about oneself and become stronger. It is against my nature, and the energy of the universe to hope anything other than safety, health and happiness for every other human being. Lying however, comes with its own karmic repercussions of which, I am not the judge and jury. So just moving my creative mind on to other thoughts.

Unicorns.

There is this really cool place magic unicorn advertisement off 79 that I’ve noticed a couple times now, but we always go past it so fast I’m not exactly certain what it is or what its for – I also have been unable to locate it using the oracle — goggle. It too is a mythical creature it seems – not just the unicorn it advertises. Maybe I’ll figure it out someday.

The past week has been sort of a rollercoaster transition time from up and down…. both of emotions, and physical things. Sorta makes me think of an old gif I used to have of pooh bear doing morning exercises – “up, down, touch the ground – for a healthy happy pooh” –

It is possible to love someone and not agree with anything that they believe, say or do. I somehow feel that is the true meaning of love, and its unique ability. Love transcends our boxes of individuality, and sorta is all encompassing based upon a pure energy existence having nothing to do with things that make us unique, but more to do with things that make us the same.

I have found lately, that sometimes doubt creeps in – but by relying on that five year old inside of me – the one with infinite believe, hope and faith – I am able to circumvent the doubt for a bit, and live in the bliss. Unfortunately the five year old IS NOT allowed to drive, because she just loves eating… bad for me things… all the time. All though, I did find a very funny thing that she loves – I love – that is super easy to satisfy her, and also while not particularly “good” for me, its alot less bad and it staves off many of other bad avenues…. its a silly thing… its Licorice Gum. … specifically “Black Jack” – I don’t recall where I first got introduced to this – it was eons ago – or maybe just many years 🙂 — its oddly satisfying.

Talked to friends a long while ago about the fact that part of my emotional eating has to do with oral fixations – my husband says it’s the only time I’m quiet 🙂 and he might be right – keeping my mouth full. I do very much enjoy chewing gum. Its a small little comfort, and calorically and health wise its not really bad for me.

Some folks have been sending me these beautiful cards in the mail. I love them. They are small little sparks of joy when the mail arrives. Something I can “wonder” and “hope” for that isn’t about my physical health. I’ve been debating about turning these cards into art. Some sort of wreath or hanger that will allow me to see them all and have them as a beacon for those times when I’m feeling … well when I need some bolstering. Little things all over the place equal big things in the heart.

By somewhat stopping the world, its been an interesting thing to watch the people around me and enjoy the pace at which they learn, they thrive, they evolve as humans. This is something I’ve “noticed” in the past, but not with the enormity that it is thrust on me these days. People are incredible things. My friends, family – my pack/pride – are the most amazing of things.

Watching people individually and as a whole, the interactions — the ebb and flow – like breath or tides…. its a very awe inspiring thing. Its also humbling and awe inspiring to watch the babies – the babies whose lives I’ve lived thru – grown into adults. Also to realize they are some of the crazy drivers on the roads now 🙂 — a whole new generation of crazy drivers to scare/shock/and make me shake my head…. when they bob and weave thru traffic like an art form rather than a safety dance.

Its good sometimes to have things to shake my head at…. its a wonderful thing to be able to shake my head. Chiropractic adjustment was good day – more headshaking in my future.

Many things on my mind right now. Where to start.

It was a beautiful 53 degrees out when we ventured out this morning. The power company had elected to let us know that they would be shutting off our power for two hours this morning 8-10 – and we elected in response to “find other business to take care of” – it worked out rather serendipitous that we had noticed yesterday that our registration was due to expire today.

We headed off to the inspection place. Here in Texas vehicles require inspections before you are able to pay for the privilege of registering your car. To be honest, I think this is a very cool thing. The 10 minute shop we stopped at, we happened to catch just before they opened (not really happened, P planned this) and we were the first ones in line. The guy – who we have worked with before – was super fast, super efficient.

Little snag, the paper copy of our car insurance that P has been carrying around was expired – but in this day and age – he was quickly able to pull out an electronic version of the new card, which the guy accepted without any problem and finished our inspection. The car passed all its exams, and we were on our way – the Sir at the shop did however let us know – as the Sirs at the Costco had a bit back when we got a tire – that the car was desperately in need of an alignment.

We headed to Starbucks – which would have been the first stop if the place had already had a line – but it didn’t so being first was P’s idea of the best breakfast ever – I however, prefer some coffee.

With Coffee in hand, mouth and heart – we headed on down to NTB – and had hands down one of the best customer service experiences I’ve had in a while. Not only did they get us in as a walkin, they were super fast and super efficient – as we waited in their lobby, I watched the Customer service agent at the front – who was amazing – help over 15 people – both on the phone, in the office, set up new appts, arrive for appts, show up as a walk in, and call with questions. We were only there about 45 minutes, and this person was HOPING.

The persons name was Krystal – but they were clearly gender neutral. It really sparked my curiosity and I desperately wanted to ask them “what pronoun they chose to identify as..” but there was NEVER an opportunity. I also wondered if my asking that way would be considered offensive. I watched as some folks referred to “her” as a she and other folks referred to him as a Sir…. and Krystal was comfortable with both, and never blinked an eye at either. So so curious. But mostly I was seriously impressed by the superior level of service EVERYONE received. There was not one down minute during the entire time we were there. It was as busy as a Starbucks during a morning rush.

I complimented the person as we left on stellar customer service, and a bit ago I followed up with comments on the company webpage and also with a shout out on twitter – I don’t know if there will be anything to come of it, but I do strongly feel when someone is in their element and doing amazing work – it really deserves recognition. If all of life, everyone went above and beyond its unfathomable to conceive of what life would be like – too often, people are not in their passions and share their unhappiness with all of us…. something I too have done, and this is a cautionary reminder tale for me.

After getting the alignment, we made a quick pop over to deliver some of my Chai to mum and get some much needed hugs. I have always enjoyed the making and more so the sharing so that it all gets enjoyed when its fresh and at its best.

Next we we stopped to get the registration done. This too happened to be incredible good timing – they had just opened up this area of the store as P walked in and he was in and out fast enough I was truly shocked.

We popped by the house to spend some much needed time hanging with C on our porch – it had warmed a bit but its still so comfy out there.

It was a super amusing thing to me that P decided to accidentally banter about the debates last night with a bigger section of the pack/pride than he had intended and so so many chimed in…. I missed it as tired came on me last night super early, and the beds call was too enticing to avoid… but it was the most amusing chatter to wake up this morning and read – having not seen anything else about the debate.

I think family humor is the best sort. When there are inside jokes or stories shared, or when views and banter are back and forth in chats, there is something that is like warm bread or pumpkin pie to me about that. It is just heart happy.

We had a few more errands today, all of which turned out great, and then we finally headed home. I realized in the process of this, that interacting with people is excessively tiring for me right now. Energy all around me is chaotic and most people are taking more than they are giving. Its intuitively logical to me why this is the case – not enough hugs – this still poses a challenge of exhausting proportions.

I came home and somewhat immediately fell asleep in my chair.

Sometimes its hard to know things. To know that santa clause is not really going to pop into my house and deliver gifts, that he isn’t really a man living at the north pole. These are hard. It’s easy to believe in the ideal, in the dream. I feel, often, I would rather know than not know, but it’s still hard to know things. That expression of curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back….. I’ve always been a satisfied cat…. and I know, for a fact I have alot more than 9 lives.

There is life, there is death, and there is the space between. We are born from the space between, may I never need to return to that space between. May my life be long and as happily filled with blessing, joy and gratitude as it is today.

Was realizing today, when I posted it in a chat that my family is like a pack/pride – we look out for each other. Over time, and years we have adopted other people into this community – and over time, other people have left – either thru action, inaction or just divergence of life. We look out for each other, and keep each other safe. Its an interesting thing.

There have been so so many hawks lately on our drives. Some of them are “regulars” – there are a few spots just outside of the neighborhood where there are two that regularly perch – I guess its good eating over here. They are such an amazing bird to see in flight.

I have these recipes that I found when I was searching for “healthy breakfast ideas that don’t have alot of eggs” – the benefits of chaffles is they are healthy the disadvantage of them is that its so so much egg to use them as a bread substitute. Egg is okay for my body but too many eggs within a period of time makes my digestion super uncomfortable. We have been alternating Chaffles with Pico Eggs – both of which are great, but sometimes a girl just wants some breakfast not eggs but also not that carb heavy love of mine of pancakes or Dessert for breakfast as we call them these days.

In the course of my search I have found a ton of recipes, but most of them are kinda carby – this search is where the “feel good apple muffins” came from – and there is one I am planning to try next “Healthy Vegan Oat bars” = which seem a slight amount more healthy than the apple muffins – I opted to figure out the calories before I had a tray filled with these delicious things this time…. and now I’m struggling for activation energy to make these – particularly before my bananas go too bad. Aha the struggles of the day.

On the plus side, infection seems to be going the way of the dodo. Here is to finishing off the antibiotic (fifth round) and then trying to rebuild my gut from so so much of it. Tired from this round of chemo is lingering and taunting me with visions of the comforts of bed, but I have developed a plan for this and it seems to be keeping me entertained a bit.

I play this game called Hearthstone – its a blizzard card game – you can play against yourself or against other folks. They have this Pez dispenser of objectives that is not really trivial but I’m working it and trying to accomplish it – if you get 500 wins with a class you get a “gold” emblem for the class – I did this a few weeks back with one class, and now I’m about 21 wins from second class – its a little thing, but its an achievement that doesn’t require alot of effort just time spent in peaceful relaxation. Its a bit of a win, in its relaxation it gives me motivation in breaks between games to get up and do things, and its something to keep my mind entertained which doesn’t require a significant amount of effort.

S tried to convince me to try out a new game – Genshin Impact – but the cautionary tale of a new game right now – even one that looks pretty, is that its so much mental calisthenic. P made a mention that part of my “super tired” is likely from using my brain so much – I made the mistake of looking into political things for the upcoming election – so many things. I’ve also been looking at alot of things related to healing, and trying to find more cat videos for happy nonsense things. Searching is taxing. Reading is very taxing. These are probably the cause of so so much tired, he is – as usual – right.

I am quite blessed to have so many strong and humbling people in my life. Their positive energy and spirits is always uplifting. Got contacted by another friend yesterday, who let me know he was doing okay – and family check ins from distant family – it would be nicer if my whole pack/pride lived within hugging range – but we work with what we have – I guess some of them would rather live close to the beach rather than close to Texas lol.

i just love this weather, and I’ve come to realize there are alot of things I truly love about Texas. One of them is absolutely this time of year, when it is in the 50’s at night, and doesn’t get hotter than 83 during the day, and the wind – oh the wind is blowing and crazy and tickling and soothing, and makes the chimes on my porch go nuts with small and broad tinkles. So much to be grateful for…

There was a thing that one of the radical remission workshop people mentioned in the previous one – it comes to my consciousness alot these days, and I’ve started doing a variation of it myself – she mentioned when she was having difficult or challenging days in her healing – when her little voice of doubt would creep in – she instituted a policy of everytime she would walk thru her house, every doorway she would cross, she would speak something she was grateful for in her life. She would feel the gratitude. This is such a profound small thing to me, and one I’ve been doing a modified personal version of myself. I will say, it absolutely helps, because its easy to find things to be grateful about, and its nearly impossible to be anything other than happy when you are dwelling in your gratitudes.

I am grateful for life, family and the birds that soar so amazingly in my skies. Both the avian type, and the human type.