When at first

Its amazing to me how much value can be had in recognizing that failure is part of the process. Even when through some divine intervention or someone else providing all their “learning” which included likely many many failures along the process that you are able to bypass this necessary set step. Failure is just an indication of an effort and allows for elimination of possibilities that existed and were considered most relevant that are not at the top.

The goal is not to eliminate failure, just to fail “up” or towards the goal. where the knowledge is easily able to be leveraged about what “worked” and what “didn’t” — to make the next time expontially greater likelihood of nirvana.

So today, I’m up at quarter to 4 because the young version of myself — the pre-ten version I’ll call her … “wants” to be up and moving, not sleeping. So maybe there is a nap in my future lol a few dozen hours from now. For the moment its delicious coffee, and a much needed blog/mind dump.

I am learning, that slowing down and relaxing is as challenging as the go-go-go I have used the majority of my life. This is not to say I have never used this skill in the past, but I have always considered it to be “me taking a holiday” type of thing and some part of me considered that as “bad or lazy” … I have come to recognize I am not bad, and overall I am not a lazy person. I prioritize, I just in my life have not remembered that I am on the top of that list. While I have always consdered it extremely valuable for others to “do this” and considered it to be an enviable thing – I was stupid in the sense that I failed to be able to leverage this for my own life, my own experience.

The universe has put in my life from early childhood many many life teachers, many close many in various circles of my trust and life – but its a lesson I have been resistant to working on or dediating mind space to – partially because its really hard to focus on things for yourself when you see them as “bad or lazy” – so that has been the first second verse.

Being able to recognize priorities for ME as being my top concern, and being able to develop a comfort zone inside my head with this being the case, being necessarily the case, and actually being a fabulous wonderful thing – has both allowed me to enjoy when I do this so so much more, and also allowed me to value it as a priority.

The data analyst in me keeps trying to count up “this is how much of that you did vs how much of that you didn’t do” …. but the tools I have available now, make it much easier to spin doctor this information and also to de-prioritize it as in – I’m sure there is value in the balance, but at this time in my life, my cells need me to focus more on making up for all those decades of failing to put myself first – so the scale is going to be necessity be unbalanced for the forceable future, and that is actually going to be an incredible good thing.

The ability to “see” the scales being unbalanced, means I’ve been able to “see” myself in the future sense of being to a time when this might be something worth addressing. This is so so powerful.

Protocol is hard, balancing so many little things about it are challenging. The physical things it does and doesn’t allow to function like they have my whole life is — odd, complicated and challenging.

My cup runith over with valuable things to put towards making the best me, the strongest me, and the healthiest me.

Life is good.

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