There are sometimes that I feel old. P had an intern this summer that was both helpful for him with the amazing work she did and with the help he was providing her with life information. In one of their last sessions their “check out” — A colloquialism that we refer to came up and she said in the sweetest tone “whats a pager?” – because she really, in her life and age and experiences, didn’t know – and she felt safe asking P for these life questions. Needless to say he and I both bust out laughing – as he went on to explain it to her, I was just rolling on the floor. This is a smart woman finishing her masters program and she really had never seen or heard of a pager. It wasn’t part of her life.
It made me feel like what it would be like for so many in history if we were to ask about this – like if someone referenced their “joke” about something related to the washboard – it is something beyond us – there has always been a washing machine.
The things that are just a headshake of a realization is that computers have always been a part of the lives of most of the people I’m encountering in my travels. They have less face to face social skills because a good bit of their life was spent with only distance and hidden and that makes a huge difference in perception of “acceptable” – because you don’t have the non verbal to clue you in to what was intended.
Was in the lobby of the place I go weekly for my labs. This was my daily “SNAFU” — because I’d sat for over an hour before “we” (the labs person who is a good friend, me, and the receptionist) – that I had not been “checked in” as intended — but during this time, I was able to meet the kind lady next to me – her husband had brought in 3 dozen donuts for the nurses — something this woman and I didn’t like the idea of doing because not many have self control to say “no” when presented with a beautiful box of tasty donuts in our face. So we were bonding over this shared lament – when I found out she was the wife of the patient – and she had Alzheimer’s – wow that is not a journey I envy or wish to travel. She was so kind, our discourse was so pleasant. It was a brief encounter but so meaningful – because it once again reminded me that no matter how big my struggles look to me, everyone has struggles and they too are dealing with them with as much grace, humility and dignity as they can muster.
There was another woman in the lobby that was a new to cancer patient – I very much enjoy talking to these people — they are easy to tell because they all share that frightened glazed look of “this can’t be happening to me” — and its truly meaningful when that look is brushed away for a few moments in meaningful discourse that isn’t necessarily a solution but is helpful and empowering to them – and by helping strengthen another human its incredible powerful to me.
This is a challenging time for me – I had finally recently gotten to a zen with taking my daily meds – both the ocd factor of timing and the balance between taking and sleeping. It was – well I still believe even with as many of my great strides, I’m likely to be a poster child for “don’t take meds” — but I had come to a detente with myself over the need vs the frustration/worry and we were in accord and happy. Now enter this new protocol which has…. “worse” meds – they do remarkable things, and I feel like they will be exceptionally helpful for me in my healing, however the “things they require” are somewhat restrictive, unpleasant, and generally I’m back to the rollercoaster of OMG YOUR LATE WITH YOUR PILLS — that I’ve had for a couple years now lol. So once I get my physicological house to allow me to have permission to care less about this, things will be better, but for now, we will endure the System of the Down song chop suiz “wake up” pounding thru my head far too early so I don’t sleep longer and miss them.
Overall life is a rollercoaster, but enjoying it with all my barn yard friends on the ride with me makes it quite enjoyable.
Life is good.