I don’t know exactly what to call that part of me that “strives” for consistency and ease of function. Today is day 2 of this protocol, and I’m still adjusting.
I think I can see the positive spin on this however. Taking these meds orally is alot better/easier for controlling things. While I will be working with my doctor for “what it is” — working with is the appropriate term, its a more aggregated approach to routining this medicine on the daily.
While there are some aspects with every job that one dislikes, overall they should be smaller than the others.
I have to say while I don’t recall applying for the job of fighting cancer, I do recall the day I was told I was hired. I do recall all the steps along the path of learning and mastering this job – the steps that I let other people decide how we would handle that I could have prepared myself better for – the steps that had left me so lost, the fight against having this job. I recall becoming resigned, I recall when I thought I had finally been able to move to a different job but then the day I was told “no no we need you still here” …. and realizing how much more I had to learn.
Today is the day I realize that this therapy while in many ways much more problematic, is likely to be more dynamic and definitely allows for more optimistic of a direction and an approach then any of my others. It also allows for a daily redirection to ensure that I am focused on that “you had one job” mentality – its hard to forget your fighting cancer when you are taking medicines specifically towards this purpose every day twice a day.
On a separate and side note. I recall the day — like so many before this day — where I was walking home with my brother “buddies” from school and my brother — barefoot, having removed my shoes and slung them over my shoulders. I recall hopping skipping and jumping right on to that bee stinger. I recall sitting down and walling – so often as children do – to let the world know that I was dying of the pain.
I recall the angel that came along and used his “scarf” — something rarely seen in the heat of the Florida weather – and kneeled down to examine. How he smiled at me, and he said, as he pointed to my shoes: “you know these might prevent this” – as he peacefully and calmly mentioned “this might hurt a tiny bit” — as he freed my foot from the stinger.
I remember how he helped me by cleaning off the spot with his scarf, then helping me return my shoes to my feet, and he smiled as he helped me up. He walked past me to continue on his journey, and I proceeded a couple steps before I turned to see he had vanished. I hobbled home, limping with all of my war injury and having learned so many valuable lessons in that day.
One makes me pause today, as I encounter so many people that move carefree throughout their day without using masks in public. I hear his words in my ear “you know this might help” — I recall the words of the doctor with her nurse that told me of the sadness felt when a patient dying of covid asks “can’t you just give me a vaccine?” How they are forced to explain that the vaccines are only designed to be helpful before you get the virus to reduce and teach your cells to be smarter – Sometimes lessons in life are too late. Opportunities to learn early are there, carpe diem. By thy will shall we learn, by our will shall we embrace.
So many lessons right now for so many people, so many frustrations along the path of learning, and little daily challenges. But there are just as many wonderful things, wonderful people and supports in our lives, angels to come and take out the stinger all around us, we really only have to be able to welcome and receive.
Thank you universe for teaching me these lessons so early and allowing me to be reminded of them again and again.
Life is good.