P and I were talking last night, I told him about one of the “new” techniques I’m trying/cultivating to allow my mind to try the pattern of “letting it go and being okay if we forget it” — To this end, I started brain dumping in a non-descript doc on my desk top anytime I find myself with more action items on my “to-do” list than my mind will let me focus on one to knock it out – basically my mind has become liken to a pinwheel – it likes to take an item and …. well there was a movie where the leads went to a fast food resturant and the catch phrase was “And then….” repeated over and over and over again….. and my mind has taken to the “this is how we do it” routine of just repeating what I need to do like a litany in my head.
While this has “in the past” be somewhat helpful sometimes for me to file things in my brain so that they don’t get lost – right now its stopping me from having enough energy to actually “do” the things instead of think about them.
So list — My gosh I love organizational tools – they just feel so crisp shiny and make me feel like I did something. More importantly, I’ve come to start letting them “keep track of all these merry go-rounds” so my head doesn’t have to….. Wow its alot more peaceful place now.
That being said – I had a weird one – a guy I went to HS with back … EHS 1991 – his first name was “Richard” — we were in …. well due to the nature of the programs we were in, and the size of the school – pretty much about 5 classes together. We weren’t “close friends” we were just school buds, in the sense that we talked, — I got pranked by he and his buddy, playfully, in one of the classes regularly — probably it was the combination of my pleasure, and distain all mingled together that sort of got them to continue – while I often “give alot of lip service” to not wanting to be the “butt” of the joke – there is a part of me that enjoys the comedy even if its at my own expense. Humor makes me happy — people having fun also makes me happy – provide its … safe, and not toxic — its just entertainment in a more personal and intimate place.
This friend – I ran into him a few years after HS – maybe 3 – at a community college we randomly passed between classes in the hall – the incredible rarity of this meeting and the fact that we both had to hurry onto class – made it a brief encounter that somewhat has stuck in my head. It isn’t what either of us said – those are gone from my head – its the fact that we both had a smile for each other, mutual recognition and respect.
My head, has decided in its infinite love of circling concepts that remembering this person’s name and making at minimal a cursory attempt at finding him is of some type of value in my life. While I don’t discount the possibility that there IS some value for me – it isnt’ visible to me readily and while there are alot of avenues for locating him and connecting the return for the effort is puzzling to me. Rarely in my life have I ever looked at the scales of energy cost so vigilantly. It isn’t a bad thing, its just not a skill I have honed as much as it is now.
So universe, so Richard, whomever/whatever the plan with this loop in my head about finding/connecting is…. I release it. I send it back to you, either provide a less expensive method energy expenditure, or provide me with a larger view of why this finding/connection has value to my needs, goals, or present objectives. Thanks.
Overall Lists are good. LIfe is good – freeing my mind — so the list can own the caucus race – is a blessed thing.