When I was younger, and I especially when I would stay at my grandparents house, we would always watch the price is right – the original one with Bob Barker – and there was one particular game – its the game of how I feel today — Cliff Hanger – https://priceisright.fandom.com/wiki/Cliff_Hangers#:~:text=Cliff%20Hangers%20has%20a%20cardboard,mountain%20climber%20to%20his%20doom. Where the little mountain climber is climbing up the mountain and your supposed to stop him when he gets to the price. Except its health not price.
I’m climbing this giant mountain towards the goal of health. and right now, I’m having to “stop” to enjoy the rest?area? – it doesn’t really feel like a rest or really an area – some things “other than C word” are causing me difficulties – they are just weird timing things, and weird things that I haven’t ever really experienced before in my life.
One thing I’m learning thru this experience, is not all of the “things you have never experienced” are the most pleasant – but thats part of life right? Good with Bad? Balance – some of the things have to be unpleasant so I can fully appreciate the beautiful amazing things.
I went to water my plants today – they are really doing amazing – and the bird was STILL living in the marigolds – I feel for this poor creature, I mean I water this plant EVER day – marigolds need the water, and with as hot as it is – maybe its like having a hot tub in her nest? I dunno. I was a little sad to disrupt her, maybe its a balance thing for her, the good and the bad, fresh wet soil for a little extra water once a day?
I got some chocolates today, the Keto type, from a company – well I fell for the hype – facebook is perpetually sending me ads – and this one looked good – https://phikind.com/ – they are chocolates without sugar, all good right? Except they have Stevia – sigh. Its really quite unfortunate since they use really good chocolate.
Taking antibiotics for “things” going on right now, and I was realizing, this is the first time in over 4 years I’ve had to do this – I honestly don’t’ recall the last time I had to take antibiotics. My stomach is already shouting at me in protest, but its necessary. I’m beginning to realize this is one of the parts of the mountain climb that is hardest for me right now, accepting the fact that some of the time I need to just tell my mind to STFU and just take the meds the doctor tells me to take.
My mind has alot to say these days, alot of it isn’t super great, but sometimes it has the most profoundly grateful things to say…. Like I’m super grateful for warm Texas weather. I know this will sound a little odd – but it is such an amazing contrast to go outside, and experience this heat, and it will help clear the virus from outside things. It also makes me realize how greatful I am for ac and the fans we have to keep it cool inside.
P was driving me today, and we got cut off by a Florida driver. He said, its another Florida driver – and I said ‘I’m from Florida” – and he said “yeah but you have been in texas long enough that you are a Texas driver now” – it was a pretty amusing thing – As I haven’t been able to drive in two years, I guess its sorta a pretty irrelevant point for the moment. I do miss driving. There was something about it that was therapeutic in a way that I haven’t found anything else to fill that gap. Its not so much a necessary thing, as just a comfort thing.
This feels like a time of learning for so much of the world right now. Its tricky to try and make sure that this can be seen from the positive, the learning, the opportunity to advance knowledge and perception. Its a big emotional framing thing, to be able to see it from a good perspective, when it feels so “not good” – whether it be frustrating, sad, or angry. Its not that these feelings are wrong or invalid, just limiting, and they aren’t helping the learning go faster, or the knowledge get integrated any easier.
Drink more water, is the thing my head and heart can agree on all the time right now, alot of the time they are just in uncomfortable discussions about what I should be doing, or what I should be focusing on – there are so many things right now, inside and outside of me, and I find myself alot of the time just tired, so tired. While I know atrophy is a decision, it feels a little less wrong right now than usual. Doing the wrong thing, or stepping the wrong way feels alot worse than usual, and my usual curiosity has decided to just take a vacation and hide in the back of my head – its been saying “yeah you got this, I’m enjoying the mia tia’s, we will be curious again another day” — this is like a night and day thing, I hope it doesn’t impact my nine lives – well probably 7 or 8 at this point, I’m certain I’ve used up one or two already.
Tomorrow will be a busy day, but it should be a hopeful helpful day, that lets me renew my believe that humanity is a gold star of life on this planet. Or atleast I’ll feel better tomorrow 🙂