These dreams go on when I close my eyes….

Song for today: These dreams by Heart: Lyrics

Have had some spectacular dreams of old and new things lately. Some with messages, some with hidden meanings, and some to explain thru my personal history where some of my not so great believes and patterns come from… Just interesting tales of Alethia past history.

So many too much to disentigrate at this time, need some time to think on them and break them into smaller chunks of meaning. I’m certain they will end up here once I figure out what they mean.

Had chemo yesterday, which was sorta a fun ride of will they won’t they – apparently some new billing person recoded my chemo as “something else” and that triggered insurance to require new approval. Good news! they approved once coding was fixed. New People learning new skills, what can you do but love them. I got to see my doctor, and she helped me with my deficient quota – this is why she is my doctor, she is a human first.

We are all humans, people seem to forget that with the contemplation that the flavor we are matters. It doesn’t. Its not really more important than the clothes that we wear, sure some people will tell us or think that they are sometimes in appropriate for xyz thing that we are doing, and there are differences in them – just like there are differences in the weather – some things are better than others for specific things. While I don’t necessarily feel that there are things humans are better at for the sake of their skin, I also don’t tend to feel that clothing is necessarily more appropriate for the task either. Swimsuits work just fine to shop in – gowns and dress attire are just fine for swimming – thankfully skin requires alot less effort to fix than clothing when you wear one that is less appropriate. I will say, I have always been jealous at black people ability to stand in the sun and burn much slower than me, and to indicate that they have been out too long, by the sweat sheen on their skin – black looks really nice wet even if it is sweat. I suppose maybe this is a racist thing to say, its not a judgement, more an observation. I also have been lucky to be not white enough to immediately burn with too long in the sun like the super pale, I get that warning of somewhat golden first. The hair is another area that I have felt jealous, although having talked to some of my friends, alot of the times, my jealousy is a bane for them. its the effort to which I should be jealous not the natural tendency. its only something I’m cognizant of more now because with the treatments I’m enduring, my hair is just a hot mess all of the time – but I am supposed to be super happy to have any at all – as most of these meds cause it to all fall out and leave me bald – which is an amusing thing, since my scalp IS super pale and greater risk of turning red and developing bad things. Mainly with all this spider webbing – my point is one of my dreams showed me when some of my more advanced not so hidden things developed that I have been working past since that point. I wasn’t born with discernment about humans based upon skin, this was something I learned thru personal negative experiences. I’ve been working to get back to that state of lack of discernment, because I feel its just healthier to remember that humans are humans. They are to be loved, helped, appreciated, blessed, and above all happy. Skin color, eye color, hair color, size, sexual orientation – all the features that some humans incorrectly use to separate and discern or judge based upon are just short sighted and often incorrect. The doing of it seems to be to always be incorrect, because likely its a human failing not specifically based upon any of those factors anyway.

And damn spell check on this word press is getting super annoying – it used to “stay” the whole time you blogged, but now it goes away super fast, its become a “new game” with blogging – I see that X word is wrong – I’m a horrible horrible speller – its not really lazy I just spell phonetically and words are often not spell that way or they are spelled with a deviation of phonetics. But now, the game is “can I fix the word before the option to fix it poofs” and then I have to play the game of put my cursor on the word, and type a bunch of things with one hand so that the option will come back to fix it and then try and click it in time. ….. So a line of absolute gibberish ever shows up here, its probably because of that πŸ™‚ well, and my super lazy editing of not proof reading before I publish – mia culpa.

Today I had acupuncture, which I have been severely missing – I feel this will help me handle the treatment so so much better. It somehow just helps all my body to send the medicine to the correct places, and flush out any excess so much better than my body is capable of alone. So maybe it will get the rest of Rogers family out of my system faster too. Plus I really like my acupuncturist, and I’ve missed getting to interact with her in person – she has done a few healing treatments remotely for me – She is really quite good at sound / Reiki healing – but her acupuncture is the best hands down –

It was great to see her, and to work with her thru my treatment, it brought up alot of the “tired” I had expected from the chemo treatment yesterday – I feel this is a very good sign – it also helped with alot of the areas that Rogers family (Luperone) has been causing me difficulties.

At the doctor visit yesterday – I pointed out two new spots of concern – one on my left arm, and one in the fake belly button to my doctor – and being as how she is an Oncologist, she immediately was concerned it was more cancer, or progression. This is not at all what I feel, but to satiate her fear/concerns, and to get on to other things, she ordered some tests for checks. I’m not quite ready to have these tests yet, so we will see how it goes when they finally call me to schedule – I suspect this will be late next week, so maybe tests in a couple weeks after, and maybe visit with her after that – maybe the spots will be all healed before the tests- so there will be – as I suspect “nothing to see here”

I do have an MRI planned for late June early July – before the next neurology appt, its not scheduled yet, but soon – so alot of things are “soon” for June πŸ™‚

Its been an interesting year, and this is almost to the halfway point. The nice thing, I feel very strongly that we are at the top of the mountain, and it will get better, we will get to the comfortable stream and forest soon.

I feel like I’ve typed alot, but I also don’t feel like I’ve said much. I’m trying to work to be authentic, and to share whats on my mind. There are so many things on my mind, so many babies coming this year. I heard yesterday that my favorite nurse at the chemo place is pregnant, and her husband got a new job in Houston, so this will be the last time working with her for treatments. I feel everytime I pick a “favorite nurse” they just don’t stick. This is atleast the fifth favorite I’ve had in the 4+ years there. All have moved into better positions that offered them happier and great advancement opportunities, so I have nothing but happiness for these, but it is a little funny to me that I have to meet a new one if treatments are to continue. We will see how I do this time, and what tests show and how things progress.

Can you paint with all the colors of the wind? Pocahontas



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