There is a song – by Crazy Town : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FEDrU85FLE called “Butterfly” – its a little dirty, and its always been one of those songs for me super empowering, super fun.
Today was a crazy town day. Apparently my chemo got “relabed” in the system where my cancer treatment is done, and this meant they were triggered for “insurance not having approved it” — after months of me getting it and insurance paying for it…. So yeah, they called me yesterday to let me know I might not be getting chemo today…. they were asking if I wanted to reschedule my dr appt, and labs? yes, second time for labs this week.
Crazy town crazy times – they did labs on Monday but apparently it wasn’t “all the labs” they needed. Long story short, unsurprisingly they DID do labs today, and equally unsurprisingly they DID figure out the admin issue to get my chemo relabled and showing approved so they could actually administer drugs today.
I don’t know how I feel about this, I was pretty okay with the idea of not getting it – the idea of a vacation from it seemed pretty swell – yes I said swell, I’m trying to focus on that time period, because from a historical perspective, it seems somewhat strikingly parallel to our time now. They survived, thrived, and brought about new interesting things.
Sufficed to say, I got treatment today, which means I also got all the “good premed” drugs too – so I’m feeling super tired, but also super “swell” right now… Life is good.
Came across two interesting realizations for ME personally about sometimes lemons are lemonade.
1- This month is the start of year 5 of fighting cancer. I feel this is the year that Cancer gives up and lets me win the fight to go on and harass something or somewhere else. Its a long time, and I’m tired, but I also feel strong. I will keep fighting for as long as it takes to win. Some games/challenges are worth the cost.
2- This social distancing, has afforded me the personal luxury of having P work from home until likely atleast Sept – which means I have been fighting during this difficult and challenging time, but I’m not alone. I have had him within ear range, its a comfort and a blessing.
Speaking of lemonade – I found a really cool lemonade with lemons and matcha tea, super easy to make, super tasty and just feels good. Its quite satisfying. Have been doing some of my other kitchen cooking things, soup, chai, chia pudding, all the yummy things that are healthy for me that take a little time and a little effort but produce yummy health results. Now I just have to get in line with making the frozen part of my green drinks, got the recipe from A and got the ingredients, hopefully over the next few days I’ll get a little umpf of motivation to do the cleaning/chopping and separation to get these new ones frozen. Its pretty tasty, and its really not that much effort just a few more “spoons” than I have right now.
Have been finding extra sleep is helpful for rejuvenation – there are a couple of new things we are monitoring, and the doctor has asked me to get new scans, so we can see how the chemo is working, hopefully they will get scheduled soon, she is trying to get them before next week.
Today Starbuck was feeling especially playful – he is trying to help me build back some trust bridges, he even played fetch today for about 20 minutes, crazy times.
Here is hoping that the balance of things will shift to the positive happy side soon for everyone. I did get to fill a bit more on my hug quotient today – thank you for souls willing to give out hugs in this time and space – I know its a scary time – but I also know they have proven the scientific value of hugs for living better and longer. https://www.healthline.com/health/hugging-benefits#5
More hugs all around. Sharing blessing and happiness with the world, to try and heal and soothe the many forms of things that are hurting people these days. Wishing everyone, including myself safe, healthy, happy days.