Is like a dark morning where the sun has refused to get up, and lingers behind its pillow top clouds dancing with the rain and threatening to hide for the day in protest of the dawn.
Words are my friends. They have always found their way, quite too vigilantly out of my head and mouth. I’m learning to put on some reigns and recognizing that my cells believe the words I allow to populate my mind palace and my mouth. Choosing and being more selective with these words, well its a little challenging. I’ve always just been picking and choosing from the alphabet soup – like a swarm of insects, that is available to me.
Now I am actively working to temper these thoughts, these words, and to propagate them with the ones I want to be sailing the ship. Its more than just gratitudes, blessings, and relaxing mantras of belief. Its more like, setting pathways, and deciding like the gambler said in that song – bless you Kenny Rogers – know when to hold, know when to fold, when to walk and when to run —-
Today is usually the day I go for iv steroid – twice a week, typically on Monday. I have been “thinking” that its time to reduce this – however, thats not what intuition is telling me – another of those detaunts between thought and intuition. I woke today and thought “Hey I feel fine, see see, this means we don’t need it” about 2 hours later, it was clear that my body had been expecting it, and was just not amused that today was a holiday.
Promise I made to P – when I felt that physically my body needed it, I would stop trying to temper it and I would just take it. So I did, and magically I felt better – go figure, physically my body needs this stuff, somehow its doing more things for me than I understand, and while my mind keeps saying “no no, we don’t need this anymore, we are stronger, we can do without it, stop cold turkey” – my body just laughs and says, go take a nap cause mind, you are clearly wack.
Its a hard thing for me, to let myself take the medications I need to be taking right now, and not obsess about them. When intuition tells me to stop – thats easy, it pulls different ropes inside of me, that are not relative to mind things at all, and it makes the correct pathway super easy. I know its not intuition telling me to back this stuff off – it has let me know that it will be time to back things off “soon” – which when Intuition says soon its like when parents or teachers said that to you as a child when you asked in September when Christmas was … “its soon” they would say – and you scratched your head and contemplated “soon”
Tired is another one of those things – the comparison – well I feel like I have been this tired before in my life – when I was a wee wee one – but it was so so long ago I just don’t remember it. My mum has pictures of me falling asleep in the ketchup or other condiment, because when I was tired, I just fell asleep wherever I was, and no regard for what that meant for anything else around me. I don’t remember that feeling or time in my life – but this Tired, it does feel familiar, like an old shoe that fits just right. I know that resting during this tired, somehow – when you wake is the most amazing feeling – its like the sun has returned, the life force is renewed and all is right with the world.
Was realizing as I sat and meditated this morning, that I am spending so much time just relaxing and contemplating life, and all the amazing things I have in mine. The blessings, gratitudes, and thankful things. The healthy people I have in my life, the diverse weather, keeping us all on our feet as to what it will be., the safe home, with temperatures to protect me from too cold or too warm. The beautiful foliage outside, growing plants and trees to provide me with beautiful flowers and vistas, and the back yard recently trimmed that affords the opportunity to watch Starbuck run – so carefree and happy thru the yard exploring his domain and sniffing and investigating all along the way.
There is a project in the house I’m working on – can’t do it fast, its a slow bit by bit project, but I did work on it some today, and it feels so good to have it started.
Made Chai today, and the whole house smells magnificent, all perked up with fresh ginger, cinnamon, cardamom, clove & black pepper. Its just finishing now, just in enough time for me to enjoy a cup before I sit back and relax into more peaceful thoughts of how nice it feels to be able to stretch and move, and enjoy this amazing memorial day.
it being Memorial day always reminds me of talking to my grandfather about his time in the service, and what this day meant to him. He always had poignant comments to share about anything I chose to ask him. Very rarely did he go out of his way to try and assume I was there to be educated if I didn’t ask, he was a quiet man, a humble man, and a wise man. I loved him, and this holiday always was one we talked more than most – well that and the beginning of football season, when I always endeavored to try and understand the game that he was so engrossed with that just wasn’t my bag.
May we all enjoy a peaceful, safe, healthy and above all happy Memorial day.