So I mentioned about new protocol – finished first cycle – its …. well all the chemo protocols are different sorts of icky and some more effective then others. This one is worse for many of the icky for different reasons then they would tell you lol but it also seems to be feeling like its more effective.

The second cycle starts tomorrow. Every time a cycle starts I just feel overwhelming dread. Its like those times when you were waiting for the relay race team picking to start – when you “knew” that was today. Maybe its just me but I was always picked in the middle – not the first, not the last but the middle and somehow that made it worse from a stress level.

There are many so so many things I have learned about myself this year – through world conditions, different physical conditions, and the general feeling with how I am handling different challenges. We learn so much about the tools we use, abuse and overuse when we are forced into a position when we recognize that maybe they aren’t and haven’t been the best.

Its interesting to me to reflect back to the time from whence the came, or when my brain – in its youthful sense even now – why it chose this as “the best way” …

I watch the videos and I got to do a live stream this weekend with my baby niece E – she is growing so fast, and watching her make the leaps, learn the best and understand when its conditions for X or Y or Z even in just an hour long stream — its so so enlightening about how much of our lives is based upon reactions to things we encountered.

Sort of like the old story of “the quickest way to teach someone that a burner is hot is to let them feel that its hot for themselves” — while the quickest isn’t always the best, and it isn’t the most thorough either, so it often has to be repeated in its lack of depth but it is quick.

Its very inspiring to me to watch all my friends and loved ones come to these same type of aha moments from themselves, to watch them grow and learn and evolve. We are all in it to win it – but winning looks so so different for each of us.

Resolve, Resilience, Endurance – these are the things we are all working on helping and building.

Live is good.