This has always been something, I’ve not only been good at, its something I’ve often felt that I was well strong suited for – the ability to take a plethora of things, and min/max them to what is most, and shuffling down importance scale – but there is more to this…

There is not just prioritizing but defining by priority – or rather, pondering and labeling something by its nature of when it must be done, and then incorporating it into the big priority list.

Thank god this is a skill I intimately understand – because right now, it allows me to see where I am and where I am going and move either continue to move along that path, or to slightly alter my surroundings, or method to facilitate a different course.

Right now, however, I’m having a struggle. Weather conditions are so so unpredictable as to make it difficult for my head and sinus. Its also that time of the year when all the trees, pollens, and molds try to bless us with their annual goodness. This makes for alot of discomfort for my head and sinus’s — this coupled with the medicines I’m taking, and the side effects they produce — as well as the Big C itself, and the damage from other treatments, as well as the “just me” in the particular day —- It has put my multitasking/prioritizing skill to the test for a few months, and I’m just tired.

I’m not a pop pill person – I’m actually quite the antithesis of this, having had my experience with the dangers of pills in the 20s — and the damage its quite capable of doing even to a 20 year old liver. I have avoided- much to my detriment – many of the “things” they have suggested to allow me to “feel better” because I know they come with a cost.

However, this all being said – I’m to the point where I’m ready to just put something in my mouth to help my head feel better…. the work of trying to determine the cause of the discomfort, and figure out what helps more than hurts my body is very tiring. The discomfort is very tiring, the prioritizing and multitasking is very tiring.

I don’t enjoy the unknown of trying to figure out if its a “thing” or if its a “thing” …. I just want to function, and to be able to have a higher quality of life. — This discomfort is greatly impacting my quality of life.

There are new tests – the end of April that will show “whats what” … and maybe this will help. Maybe I’ll just pick up a habit lol – I am very routine oriented so maybe this is what my mind needs to calm down.

Was dreaming about trips last night, and thinking about the fact that my grandparents – mostly having talked to my grandmother – they didn’t take very many out of town in my meaningful childhood or adult life – all of their time was doing “escapes” within town – driving to little places to enjoy the marrow of life. I recognize this feeling -but there is still a part of me unresolved to the idea of not getting a plane again and not flying thousands of miles away to enjoy some mystic anomaly of a different world.

Maybe conditions will shift for the better soon, and this will be a thing.

We can hope.

Life is good.