The song by Ed Sheeren – I see fire has been running heavily thru my head, its a different sort of metaphor than I usually use. Its a song he wrote for the the Smaug/LOTR thing a while back, and its very situational towards that movie/theme – it is about a dragon blowing red flames all thru the sky, burning up the sky and the landscape and killing everything in its wake.
For me, alot of the conditions in our world are like this, there is something coming thru and burning up everything we know, love, and expect to be there timelessly.
Its also a pretty good reflection of what I’m trying to do with the cells that have mutated into a cancer in my body. Being as how I’m a dragon (insert Alethia Insanity) the fire doesn’t hurt the good cells, just the bad ones. I see fire.
It brings to my mind that there is a striking parallel between these two things. Me and the virus. but I digress.
Today is chemo. They are going to give me a potassium (banana bag is what they call it which just makes me amused) bag while I’m there today, as my potassium has been consistently low for over a year and I’ve been on supplements which are quite unpleasant to take.
The infection is debating about sprouting its ugly head once again, and I’m applying all the prayers and homeopathic remedies I know to the area and to my body over all – but its challenging to split focus from “remove/cure/heal cancer” to “oh and don’t forget to kick to the curb this bad bacterial infection that has come again” — Which one is coming to kill me today.
A thought occurred to me, well a message from my intuition to be fair of “I told you so” … back when I was originally diagnosed, they sent me to see a surgeon – this was to “schedule” my port being installed. I recall seeing him – he was the second doctor I saw about my cancer, and honestly the first one where we talked bluntly about my cancer, and my intuition screamed out at me cut it out cut it out and so I asked him, the surgeon. Is there some reason we can’t just remove this tumor? … I will forever remember his reply, because it has shaped my life since that moment. He replied that while he could, he wouldn’t recommend it, because it would disfigure me and make me in eligible for doing a reconstruction, and its just not something he would in good conscious recommend to any of the woman in his life, his wife or daughter.
I remember this conversation vividly, because I went with his “conscience” not my “intuition” and it has made all the difference. I’ve since learned that probably the biopsy spread the cancer around, its what happens when you stick a sharp object inside a cluster of something solid – it breaks off pieces, and leaves an opening for more to leave. I’ve since learned that all the chemos I’ve had over the years (5+ at this point), the radiation, the testing, the surgeries (x7) multiple are all a direct and explicit result of this choice.
There are many many good things that have come from this experience, and I am not minimizing at all the positive learning, loving, living that I’ve gained. That being said, intuition is king.
So I’ve learned, to think and embrace the fact that the chemo is like fire, and its burning thru all of the bad things to stop the cancer from spreading, and my goal/job as a dragon is to embrace this fire, and to help it do its job.
I see fire.
So I’m enjoying some coffee, having a bit of water, and I’ll be off soon for my monthly treatment of fire to help me on my goals.
My life is filled with people, things, and experiences that are incredible. They have things to share with me, things to help me learn, and things that fill up my cup of blessings on the daily. This treatment is no exception, the doctors, nurses, and staff I’ll see today will make the whole experience “fun” …. in a very unusual Alethia Insanity sort of way, but then I’m Alethia and I’m the only one.