I think Heart said it best when they sang: “These dreams go on when I close my eyes”

So I mentioned to P yesterday that its actually pretty common in my “healing” work to have some crazy dream occur in my sleep. When I look back at the particular fantasy world or the objective in the dream i was reaching to, its always health – even if sometimes the story is crazy mad.

In my returning to WOW (Worlds of Warcraft a MMORP – Massive Multiple Online RolePlayer Game) many of my dreams have been about a particular dungeon in this world. Its a bit of a “time saver” when I can use someone elses fantasy world lol – IDK if time saver is the right word, but it definitely is somewhat helpful for those times when nature wakes me and I try to return to sleep. Ive also found for whatever reason – probably not as positive one – that nature doesn’t wake me as often or as frequently when I’m using their world – probably something to do with being “more” disconnected from my body, rather than “just don’t have to go” — but maybe I’m just seeing this from an overly critical side.

I’m enjoying my time gaming again – it feels “normal” so much in life right now feels snafu (situation normal all F@d up) but gaming feels… well even the unpleasantness within feels like “thats just the way it is” there is some recognizable pattern that is easy to flow back into for me. I suppose any type of routine would be like this – some more some less constructive – but this is mine. Or the one I’ve had for 15+ years.

Its been interesting to watch many of my friends grow into family people – getting married, having babies, having the babies grow into young people… and watching them struggle with whether to let them game. – It really is a reflection/alternative reality.

I got my sister and mum introduced to a game this year – Animal Crossing – they are both still regularly enjoying it – I play “ever once in a while” but mostly its not all encompassing enough for me.

I greatly enjoy the aspect of gaming that it pulls you in; to the elimination of all things. That is… until I realize I have missed some precious moment IRL that due to the all encompassing nature of, I didn’t’ realize was passing. C came over, I was in the middle of “things” — “things in the game” tend to go on and on and on… its other players your with, so they want to “press here” …”press here” … for hours. I realized he came over, and I heard him and P talking on the back porch. It wasn’t until much later in the evening that it “struck me” that I had missed out on spending time with him at all – he left while I was still doing “my thing” …. and while this was “not the end of the world” … for either point. It was a point where I somewhat missed out on something I’ve been looking forward to IRL for a few weeks. I care a great deal about C and his family, he did get to spend time with his brother without me interjecting, which is also nice, but it might have been nice to get to catch up some with him. They have been social isolating to the extreme – which is both good and sad for me from the selfish perspective. They are safe, I can’t really ask for more, but I do — lol I guess its human nature to always want more. I am very happy they are safe.

Had chemo yesterday. Its the first time that I can remember in a long long year, that I had the chemo WITHOUT an infection or antibiotics to muck up assessment of how it hits me. I’m very tired. got alot of sleep last night, alot of good quality rest – well until my water bottle decided to go flying off my night stand into the abyss beside my bed, releasing its wet goodness all over the cables and side of the bed – it was only 20ish ounces it let out. it was fairly easy to get back to sleep and the beauty of P being on vacation is that he had Starbuck on the quiet side allowing for the much needed rest. We will see if the sleep fades away in a couple days as expected, and maybe I’ll start the year with a bang, or at least more energy than I’ve been having.

Here is to hoping for more blessings in 2021.

Gratitudes abound, my mum got to spend the weekend with my new niece and she was so so happy, the pictures of her – this brought such a beauty and youth to her face. This year has all of my siblings successful and happy. I’ve gotten to reconnect with P and we are able to talk thru things that have for the rest of our marriage been put on a holding pattern. Life is good.