Was talking to a friend yesterday – well she is a friend, but she is also the incredible lady that does my hair – has for many years – wow close to ten at this point. She was attempting to fix my “hot mess” that I am learning to enjoy at this point.
The warzone in my body between radiation, chemo, diagnostic tests, cancer, healing, praying – well sufficed to say, it has caused my hair to become switzerland and basically peace out. This has been double unfortunate, since earlier this very year I did a really cute highlights with the purple again the way I most enjoy – it looked great. But duck and cover times came, and … well when you have hair as dark as mine, and the cute purple eventually – yeah I can manage to keep it exceptionally long, but all good things must eventually come to an end – washes out, you are left with Ronald McDonald orange…. coupled with the Grey that has since I turned 30 started peeking out like a weed – I mean wild flower – in the spring. Sufficed to say, the little amount of hair I have had for the past few months is a hot mess of ridiculousness fighting for some semblance of consistency. …. The new chemo causes Alopecia which is a really spiffy word way to say “causes your hair to fall out and not grow back as fast” – Go medical. But I digress.
We are going to call her “M” – mostly because her name starts with M – and I recently watched Dr No and one of the best lingering characters thru all the james bond is M – so this is my own personal M —…
She and I were talking. Another spiderweb, but she mentioned she raises chickens – while this shouldn’t probably have been a surprise to me, she grew up on a farm in one of those… I don’t remember which one … states that grows alot of our food. She is going to give me a few of her fresh eggs this weekend, and I’m pretty excited about this. I have found in recent years that the brown free range eggs make my body the happiest. These will be the best so far, and hearing her talk about her chickens was just, well it made me smile and also it was a comfort. She is an incredible powerful soul, and I’m so glad I have her in my life.
As is usual when I go to see M – we talk – alot. We both love to talk, and I guess its one of those things for hairdressers and bartenders alike to listen, and share and talk. She recently had a baby – I say recent – the child is 18 months old, its such an exciting thing though, because she had alot of difficulty getting pregnant, and I was there with her, along the struggle and multiple IV treatments to eventually “win” — She is one of my heroes in this regard, because as hard as it was, and as many times as she considered, and pondered giving up, she had her eyes set on the prize and she kept fighting for it. It was one of her last “attempts” at IV where finally she was pregnant. I was so overjoyed with her, I remember how we bounced around her shop, and we talked, and I could just feel the happiness rolling off her at the time, throughout the pregnancy, and even after he was born. Some people are meant to be parents, M is one of those. I digress.
We were talking yesterday about “conditions” in our world. We were talking about those three versions of ourselves, and how in order to be happy all three of them have to be in harmony and happy. The young child version of ourselves, the teenage version of ourselves, and the adult version of ourselves. … I suppose, although I don’t know yet, that probably there is a variation version of adult self eventually too…. where its not just the “adult” self but the younger adult and the older adult self – so maybe eventually it becomes 4 or 5 versions — geez the family of me in my head just keeps growing.
We were talking about keeping them happy – and we mentioned about emotional eating – something we have both struggled with over time – her alot less than me – or she is just better at reframing for her child into non food things.
For the little kid in me, food has always been a fall back for comfort. I remember my mom telling me when I was a wee wee one, and she was visiting my father’s parents, that my grandfather hollered at her for giving me M&Ms – he tried to lecture her that she should have been giving me raisins or not any food at all. She and I have talked about this conversation many times over the years, each time taking some smaller and different truth out of it – but the fact is even at that very very young age – my young self LOVES foods.
When my trip was canceled – the one for my birthday in April – the one P had been responsible for planning and had aquessed to doing, for two weeks on the Oregon coast.. … that little part of me was irreconcilable. So emotional eating has been something I’ve been struggling with again, after a few years of feeling like “I got this” — suddenly the little part of me is like “we want pumpkin pie” – and I’m like … can’t we just take a walk instead? …. So in conversations with M we talked about this.
It felt good to talk with someone that is not overly younger, and not especially older than me… but also not family… (I adore my family but their struggles are very similar to mine) … Someone in my circle of incredible people, that was experiencing the same things, and understood them.
We talked about prayer – growing up in the way and community she did, its an integral part of her life and personality too. What name is described to that divine energy that makes up the space above, below and in between all that we know…. its there, and praying to it brings comfort, and understanding that we are not alone; never have been alone, and never will be alone. That we have support, and there is more love in the universe than we are able to possible fathom.
We ended our session with a hug. M is so so great – she is a huggy person too. We normally start and end the session with a hug, but its so hard in these times to understand other peoples boundaries and limits.
I read an interesting science article the other day about the fact that COV is less contagious than the measles or chickenpox. I don’t know if this is 100% accurate, and the truth is, its not really relevant. You catch things not by hugging. You catch things by being silly and not doing proper hygiene. Don’t go out when your sick, cover your body parts when you cough or sneeze. Wash your hands, and don’t be a dirty birdy.
Hugs are a part of life, they transfer energy from one person to another, and they help us both balance, and heal. Its like a warm fuzzy meal for the soul. The best baked homemade bread, with the warmest freshest best ingredient soup, on a cold day. They bring hope, they help inspire, and mostly they are a physical reminder of the same thing as praying. We are loved, we are not alone, and we have each other.
I saved this title, from another blog I did recently – I don’t think this is at all what I was intending this blog to be when I did that, but I feel this one says the best for the title. Hugs, Prayer, and eating for sustenance (not for emotions as much as the little Alethia in my head believes to the contrary)
I am so thankful for so many bright and beautiful people in my life that all have a story to share, and all have struggles that I can help them fight thru even if its just a quick hug, or a quick message, or a quick video chat, knowing that others are climbing their own mountain – well it doesn’t make my mountain any more or less, but it does make me realize I’m not alone, and together we can all get to the top of the mountain to enjoy the view together.