Have a challenge of getting my thoughts to slow down right now; and allow me to concise one or two of them into something cohesive. Due to this challenge, going to just ramble alot until they synthesize – coherence maybe lacking.

P told me about this wretched thing, he screens my news, but this was one he felt the urgency/need that I be aware of….. the misguided – yes I’m thinking all sorts of thoughts about words I’d rather use for this, but going to stick with misguided as I do believe that while I don’t understand it, that perhaps there was some force at work for good in this “misguided” individual. — the misguided individual that went into stores, hugged random strangers, and then proceeded to tell them “congrats your infected with Cov” —

I have so so many conflicting thoughts about this…. As a hugger, not getting my quotent I’m appalled and aghast that someone would take advantage of a time like this to do this sort of a sick practical joke. While I realize “infecting someone with COV” – or even “implying” they are infected is a serious matter….. choosing whether or not to accept someone’s infection when they are telling you that they have wrapped infected arms around you and hugged you – is not the same as getting it. — I mean there are nurses, doctors and other staff perpetually exposed in direct conflict with people in the hospitals that absolutely ARE infected with the disease – and yet – most of them walk away unscathed…. its not like there is some “miracle” cure – although I suppose that’s exactly what it is to someone so ignorant as to spread propaganda and fear this way… Go take a shower, wash your clothes, and help do things to boost your immune system. Pray, mediate, stretch, breathe, exercise, eat right…. you know all the things we should all be doing REGARDLESS of a virus that is capable of killing you.

News flash – there are literally hundreds of virus’s and bacteria that “can” kill you — this is a mutation escentially of some old ones, with a little bit more subtrufudge that both makes it harder for immune systems to identify, harder to fight, and longer to overcome. Maybe it was needed for us all to remember to focus on the basics – wash your hands, clean your body, clean your environment. I have a crisp clean memory of my January adventure to the hospital, when I was finishing up with my (nurse) escorted journey to the bathroom – and I asked kindly – please let me wash my hands – and the nurse acting so so surprised and elated at the fact that I would want to do this – and her comment that you would not believe the number of people that don’t….

This comment has stuck with me so so strongly. How can someone use the bathroom, touch heavily soiled parts of their body – you know some of the worst ones that bacteria, fungi, parasites, and virus’s LOVE LOVE LOVE to grow and explore – how can they touch those parts of their body, not to mention – a toilet where OTHER humans have touched parts of their dirty birdy bodies – and NOT immediately want to wash their hands…..

I know I am human. I have felt my heartbeat, felt my lungs expand and contract with my breath. I have felt, at various times throughout my health journey – the blood rush from one part of my body to another. Felt the pressure of inflammation in so so many areas in my body. Felt the pain this inflammation causes. I know I am human, that my body is fragile, and that my time on this earth – by my right of being human – is limited. Its a finite commodity….. I do however feel I’ve plenty of time to wash my hands.

I’m excited about the mandarin orange tree in my back yard, its fruit has started to turn from green on to …. more yellow than anything else, but I have researched and found that is a good sign of it going to orange soon/eventually. There are just so so many of these fruits on this tree, this tree we have had and planted and hoped for what seems like forever that it would flourish. Its such a hopeful promising thing, especially this year – this year of all years, that it would be so thriving.

I’m not particularly a good gardner, in fact I’ve been a self proclaimed brown thumb for as long as I can remember, but this year, I decided to shift that – I mean if my thumb has to have a color why not purple at least instead of brown. I don’t exactly know what that means in terms of allowing plants to grown, but I feel it’s definitely an improvement. In addition to our tree, beautiful tree, my jasmine plants, and our crepe myrtles are growing so mature and lovely. Its natures way of reminding me that growth and healing doesn’t happen overnight, it takes time and nurturing. I got a peacebloom from my dad earlier in the year, which I have surprisingly been able to keep alive, and my brother got me a marigold plant – (which was the favorite flower of my maternal grandfather) – that I have also managed to keep alive. While I don’t know if either plant is thriving – its really hard to say what state of alive they are in…. they both still have blooms, some days with the heat the leaves look more wilty – some days they are just bright happy and shining – I’ll confess that most of the time these are on rainy days. Its something I am learning – at the same time of learning how to be true to myself, and still nurture myself, and grow, and evolve.

Got invited to a retreat thing a few weeks back – a detox retreat from a friend that is a life coach. I had to sit on this request for a few weeks, because the wanderlust part of my spirit was ready to jump at the chance. I prayed. Spirit answered me with a laugh – as usual. This is my year, my time to learn to evolve. To stop following my old pattern of feeling like I have to “run away” to get to a happier, or healthier, or life sustaining place. This is my time to focus on making my home this place. On feeling that I can do these things, where ever I am, to not feel the compulsion or driving urgency to “run away” — There is a snoopy song that seems appropriate – “come home snoopy” — bit of a sad song – another thing I’ve been realizing lately; alot of my “favorite” songs, or songs that resonate with me the most – when I break down the lyrics, or the “source” of these lyrics – they are truly NOT a – well not the happy go lucky thing I typically think they are…

There is a sense of foreboding for me, about this year…. it feels alot like Winnie the Pooh with that comment about “I’m a little black rain cloud of course” when he is attempting to persuade the bees to ignore him as he is reaching to pinch their honey. I think my focus is on finding the blessings, sharing the gratitude, and living the happiness that is here in the moment. There will be more of these things, they will sustain me and this moment of time in the world, for my family, and in my life will not be here forever, it is fleeting and there is joy to be experienced here.