The present

So many definitions to that – so many ways to see and take it. “the present” really is a present – its not something you can assume will go on and on forever – for good or bad.

Its like when you have a birthday and there are no “presents” – sometimes presents are wrapped – and you get to unwrap something that is already there – something just waiting for you to enjoy.

Sometimes presents come as unexpected arrivals of things or people that were just not anticipated or expected and just bring joy and surprise – showing us the blessings to be grateful to for the “present”

The moment we are in, alive and living – is the “present” of the present. The past is all the memories of joy, bliss, opportunities, and other times that maybe weren’t so amazing. The future is things of possibilities, nothing is written – its all “maybes” from the universe. This is just not the case of the present.

It’s here, now in this breath, this heartbeat, this blink of an eye. Its an infinite amount of time to laugh, smile, hug, dance, to feel the joy of the moment. It won’t be here forever, because it will be “another” in a moment. Its limited by our time, by our constraints, but its also circular. Coming back to us with each heartbeat.

I’ve been asking myself over and over again – what is my present? What do I want to be doing in this moment. I find myself laughing more, enjoying sitting on my porch and just watching the birds – feeling the heat – yes the heat.

Texas heat isn’t like other places. Its like a rollercoaster. it comes up super quick, and then it topsy turvy turns and falls to a manageable level. Sometimes its dry heat, that pulls moisture from your bones, other times its wet heat that makes your clothes take up permanent residence on your body, like a grunge dancer. This week has been a perfect example – record heats that just make you almost delirious with the feeling. Somehow, in my present, its been my present to spend a few moments – not too long – in this heat and go “wow thats the heat again” and feel my body go “Yep thats super hot, maybe we shouldn’t be standing out here in it” – and just counting another breath to experience it.

So so many experiences. Just feeling that heat upon my arms, and my skin kissing it with this super hot brush. Then walking back into the house, where I’m immediately surrounded with this freezing cold internal temp. AC is quite enjoyable, particularly after that heat.

There is just something enjoyable about driving in this heat, with the windows open, feeling the AC brush past you as the hot air brushes in, both mingling and providing this cornucopia of temperature sensations. Especially when the drive is providing vistas of wide open spaces, with wind blowing off the fields – hot wind.

The allergies have also been high – go figure “grasses would be high” when the weather is so up and down – lots of rain to feed them, lots of warmth to help them grow – lots of people to cut them 🙂 — Heads pounding from too many sensations for my sinuses, reminding me I’m alive, reminding me that in this present, there are “things” actively going on around me – nature is having a dance party and my nose is invited to dance with them.

Had the tests this week – the contrast injections are becoming a bit harder to flush out of my system – I slept super late today, and its made my day feel a little wonky. Was almost late for an appt scheduled – thank you to P for waking me from an amazing sound sleep to bring me awake to the Present. Thank you for my present.

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