Song for today: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0x1yBiFiUw
When I was working for Walt Disney World – one of my earlier jobs coming out of high school, we used to watch the fireworks every night. The position was in the Laundry, not as glamorous as some jobs, but it was always busy, and there were a few aspects of it that were pretty cool….. Like getting to see fireworks, everynight. It became kinda “old hat” – like “nah I don’t need to go see them tonight” – I wish I had watched more fireworks. The parks would have incredible displays for the tourists that maybe this was their only night to see fireworks – having traveled X amount of distance and spent X amount of money to be able to enjoy this magical experience. For me, it was just another night of fireworks. The music was always good, the display was always great, but it was the same night after night. Or atleast very similar.
Last night I had my first “hot flash” – I had been thinking that maybe the other experiences were hot flashes – but no, now having experienced one, I KNOW what a hot flash is – and I also know WHY its called a hot flash. Its rather like no other exact feeling. The closest I can describe, is that its like that feeling when you have a fever – that feeling of being “hot” except your not hot on the outside, your skin is cool or cold or whatever temp it is to the touch. Your whole body is normal on the outside, but it feels like your blood is Hot, and its a – well it came on me like the paparazzi snapping a picture – Please no more snaps, I’ll just go back to sleep kkthx. It didn’t last for too long, but man its like – internal hot, not external – so so very bizarre. I went back to sleep after I woke up P to explain “Oh oh oh – I know now what this is, and why they call it this” — I’m sure he was thrilled 🙂
We went for a drive today – to Lake Granger – I didn’t realize how much I needed this…. something about driving thru the wide open spaces, and getting to the Lake, and driving across the bridges to see the water, and just enjoying the view of the water, the colors against the sky. Its just relaxing, clearing, and humbling all at once. That nature has taken a glance at all that we have going on the world, and said “yeah I think I’ll just sit here and go for a swim thanks” – so relaxing.
P is pretty funny – he knows more than me when I need to get out – I’m trying to work on cultivating places at home that are an “escape” for me – like my travel has always been – but its not an easy thing for me – my body, my heart, my soul wants to just fly around and explore and experience things. Today he had to practically drag me out, but I am just so blessed to have him, and so grateful he did, I feel so much better than I did – the escape is important to me, like the hugs. Gotta have more of it.
Its an amazing Fathers Day – so blessed to have so many amazing fathers in and around me. Its so incredible to be loved and appreciated by them, and to be able to share my experiences, my joy and my life with them.
Got a bunch of hugs from my mom today – we did some errand delivery for her and I’m so happy to have a touchpoint of a place to get my hug fill. I get one more week of getting strong before the next chemo. The sadness in the world is hard right now, I’m super sensitive to it, and I’ve found myself just choked up and overly sad for seemingly little things, or nothing at all. Need to find more laughter. Need to find more things of Joy.
I took a video on our road trip today, so I can just curl up with a blanket – well atleast until the next hot flash decides to descend upon me – I wonder how often they come – only one so far, and even it was kinda short – either way I’m sure I’ll figure it out – but I can enjoy this video and just sink into the relaxation of the day.