Prequel – this post is sad. Sorry – very sad. Please don’t read this if you aren’t in a position to handle it. Love you – posts won’t always be sad, sometime I’ll get back to the bouncy happy things. Life has just thrown me a few bones yet, and I haven’t figured out how to make soup yet.

There is a song – (as usual) that sorta culminates in what I’m feeling right now. …. Lyrics here – Pure Energy by Information Society – many many thoughts on my mind.

Had an incident with Starbuck last night, probably me thinking he was awake and he wasn’t. Normally we do a quick cuddle in the middle of the night when I wake for the nightly reminder that I’m alive and that I’ve had enough water. When I come back to the bed, normally I check in with him this time he bit me. Five spots, three broke the skin. Scared me but overall, just made me very sad. He has done this before with strangers, and even with other people when they have gone towards him in a way that I thought was him perceiving it as dangerous. Never before with me.

I don’t typically watch or listen to the news. P & D keep me advised thru social media and also thru general conversation of “things” when they are ones I should know about…. They have recently filled me in on all of the things that make me quite sad to be a white woman these days.

One of the projects around the house that P and I have been working on was in the newly empted back bedroom – as R has moved out, so we have this space that we are defining. We moved the games out of his office, which was great as it gave him space badly needed for his components – we moved the games into this space, and it turns out one of the shelves we thought was sound was not – turns out it ripped a big chunk out of the wall and everything was humpty dumpty all over the floor.

So many little things, so many big little things, so many things in general. My heart hurts. I’ve been letting myself cry a bit, which is a rare thing for me. It still feels alot like feeling sorry for myself, and reminds me of a conversation I had with my grandmother when I was very young, and is probably part of the reason that I don’t cry very much – very often – until now. Trying to let go of some of this pent up stored up emotion that has just been kept inside.

Makes me think of this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNodHg73TO4 – Come on people now smile on your brother, everybody get together try to love one another right now.

I think about all the people who I love that are stuck doing things that are normal things but at this point are so much more dangerous. Like my cousins in law enforcement. My sister in medical. My brother in retail – yeah retail – exposure is exposure. Just makes me wonder and worry a bit.

I am grateful for the good things, the blessings in my life that keep me sane, that keep me positive, hopeful and happy. I am grateful that P works in a place where he will be able to work remotely for a few more months – where we can continue to grow and bond and drive each other nuts here at home. I have a deficiency in my hug quotient. P is working to fill this, but he isn’t really a huggy person and he is one man. Maybe this will evolve him, maybe I will turn him into a big huggy bear after all. The thing about hugs, is they are scientifically proven to release the good hormones in both people. More hugs, more health, more positivity.

We are all energy beings, so I suppose energy hugs are just as effective as physical – but I don’t know if that has been scientifically tested or not – maybe someone will use this time as a test for it. I just know, there is no such thing as “too many hugs”

Hug on people, hug on.