So I cried a bit today – thru an ego fit… about ridiculous things. We were cleaning up the house, and making it nicer, putting some stuff away and doing some of my “this spot needs to be cleared/cleaned” list of things. We didn’t do that much, we didn’t spend that much time, but I wore myself out. Used up all of my energy. I sat down, and while I wasn’t go to sleep tired, I was just rundown. This made me so sad, I am so used to having energy reserves, having Umph to call upon for that thing I wanted to do or needed to do or that felt like I should go go go to do. I had none, it felt like I was not good enough.
P immediately took efforts to try and help me balance this, to help me reframe it, and I was having none of it. He asked “are you going to keep having your crying pity party or are you going to embrace the good things we got done” – and I in the midst of my childish fit said “well, clearly I’m going to keep having my pity party” – about that moment R texted telling us he was coming over. My pity party ended, I picked up the phone and called him, and I explained the situation and it suddenly made me feel better. The universe always helps me with whatever I need. I just needed my brother to give me the ultimate reality check, to say “Yo you got this” – P has me all the time, but sometimes I just need my brother to slap me around.
The energy has come back, just by sitting and relaxing. Its not gone, its just used, I just need to remember that I’m okay, its okay and it will come back. I just forget in the moment, like a child, this is a huge learning thing for me.
Yesterday was the last session of the RR workshop and it was incredible, the ending was as great as the entire thing. I may try and attend this thing again soon, because it was just so helpful for me, and the activities were so beneficial, and while I took alot out of it, I’m certain even with my notes I missed more than I took. I am so blessed to have had this opportunity made available to me.
This last session covered social support group, and provided a reminder that there is a huge need to learn to get good at receiving – allowing other people to give to help support my needs. They also provided a lot of information and links for resources for social support that is readily available. It was an incredible journey and I met quite a few really cool cats during these sessions.
Alot of little personal epiphanies lately, learning to balance these things, and remember to stay calm, and let the universe unfold as it needs to right now. Overall I feel pretty happy and pretty blessed.
Seems like I will get to do an Acupuncture session next week, and I’m pretty happy about that! It has definitely been one of the the healing things I have been missing. It just helps so well, and puts my body in a fast healing mode.
I slept so well last night, but its just a testament to how much I need it when I wake up feeling great, have some meds, have some water, and realize I could easily go back to resting/sleeping again. My body needs the routine, but it also is learning to love these long sleeps. I’m beginning to finally understand what the people I love have gotten out of these sessions. Sleep is great!
Had some very odd/interesting dreams. They conveyed some very personal messages to me, that helped me see things so much better and well. Its amazing to me how much clearer some of my dreams have been lately.
I am very much looking forward to being able to take some trips next year, but I’m also no longer dreading my staycation time this year. Its helpful all these reframings and learning to heal, and learning to love myself more, and learning that relaxing is not giving up doing, its choosing to enjoy the moment without expectations or judgement.
I feel I have always loved myself, but I feel as I get to know myself now, in this new reality, that I love myself even more. I’m great, and I have so much to do and give.
Life is good.