Here I am

Feel a little like the picture of a boat sailing in choppy water, where the ocean is threatening to overcome the sides of the ship on the left and the right. Cannons to the left of me, cannons to the right.

Just have to keep on target, and sail thru these choppy waters.

There are many good days, I’m surrounded by good days, days where I feel pretty great, almost so much that I forget about things, and I’m able to just be a rational, kinda human being. Where things all feel, well, mostly comfortable and normal.

What is normal? I’m not sure I know anymore. I’m not sure it has a definition either, normal seems to be the state of the union for my body, and that is in such a constant state of flux.

On the not great days, sometimes I have to remember that weather still happens, and my sinus’s will still be sore from pressure systems. That I’ll still get headaches from pollens, and molds. I’ll still get headaches randomly from loud noise, or conditions that are anxiety ridden. That these have nothing to do with the state of the union. They are not a failure, rather they are a – perhaps calling them pleasant is a bit too much, but they are definitely a reminder that I’m alive, and still fighting.

I cooked today, its a pretty great day, I made this stirfry stuff, and it turned out fabulous, it’s like a curry sauce, with a slight bit of heat, just a tiny bit, enough for a good flavor. I like being able to do this, to harness the produce and things I’ve bought, and actually bring the plans to fruition.

Some Days aren’t like this, some days I have to take a detour on the way to albuquerque and take a nap. I’ve come to a white flag with naps, and I recognize their value far exceeds my abhorrence for taking the down time. It helps that I normally wake refreshed and comfortable after a nap as well.

I’m very thankful for the people in my life. I’m surrounded by happy people that perpetually make me realize that life is good. Which is why last evening, when I was suddenly caught in the middle of someone else’s torment of life, that I was reminded that other people’s drama is not mine. Time to focus on my spoons, and let them just be…. They will sort themselves out, or not.

Have been looking and studying quite a bit about music therapy things. There is some interesting science about the harmony/vibrations of particular hrz in terms of cellular resonance. I’ve been dabbling with some playlists on spotify, that have particular ones, and I must say, that some of them work differently for me than anticipated. Data analyst part of me is still working with this, but I will say intuitive is very much along this path, and calling for this type of information.

Its pretty interesting to me, that when you are “in the zone” that when you call to things in the universe, in the universal consciousness, or “God” depending upon how you view/believe. Its interesting to me how quickly response is provided, if it’s actually something you need or should be working with…. So many examples of this right now, where I ask for a particular thing, and suddenly its here, just waiting for me to use it. – Many universal thanks again to my step-mother – or rather “mom #2” – for the Merkaba she provided me with – its great, and precisely what I was asking/needing.

I wonder where the term “step” came from. I have a step mother, step father, step sister…. I think originally “step” allowed me to have distance, so maybe thats where its from – a way of separation. I have to say, I’ve sort of come to believe that none of these people are really “step” anything to me – just because they aren’t biologically the title, somehow they have characteristics that make them a part of my human experience, but it does get confusing to have multiple moms, dads, and siblings with different parents.

I guess data analyst is always looking for labels. Something to classify, and sort. I suppose I could just call them all “loved ones” its a bit generic, and tends to encompass people that aren’t just family. I have alot of adopted family that definitely fall into loved ones, but that wouldn’t actually or legally fall into family regardless of title.

Sometimes the labels seem to serve the purpose of providing an artificial separation. A way maybe of viewing people are more separate. Its a classification, but a way of creating division perhaps, I dunno maybe today is just wax poetic about nonsense day – but wait thats everyday! 🙂

Starbuck and I meditated today – its one of a few times he was allowed into my meditation room. He is doing dogi chi right now, as I ramble. Watching him go from play to relaxed is always something I’ve enjoyed. Its rather amazing to me how versatile animals are, there are definitely things to learn from them.

Here is to learning, all sorts of things, from all sorts of sources, and remembering that after the showers come the flowers.

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