This week, is finding me detoxing and getting off some pretty nasty meds, including a steroid. Detoxing from meds is never fun, and never comfortable, but I have to say I was excited to get off the steroid. For me personally, this med does some just horrible things to me, not the least of which is total disruption of my sleep cycle and patterns.
I have always been an avid dreamer, and taking this drug nearly completely eliminates my dreams. There is a question of if I even manage much time in REM. Its not uncommon for me to wake soundly ever 4 hours.
The unfortunate thing is as this drug gets out of my system, my body crashes, hard. It is with great excitement that I was able to get like 18 hours of sleep yesterday. I woke pretty much every 4 – 6 hours did my personal routine when wake, and then back to a sound sleep.
it felt glorious. This is a new thing, a new appreciation of sleep. In the past, pre-cancer I had this feeling/belief that sleep was stealing from my time. I would actively work to try and sleep less, to control how much sleep I allowed myself to get. During my first experiences with cancer, I still stuck to this debilitating belief. I have come to realize that sleep is not only critically important, it also feels pretty great.
Such a shift in my thoughts, I remember being angry with myself for times when I overslept, when I didn’t wake up as early as I’d planned. Now, I am super excited when more sleep comes, when I am later than I had hoped I’d get to sleep.
When we sleep, when we rest our bodies, the cells get to do the healing. They get to do their job of making our bodies stronger. As we relax our bodies, our organs, our bones, our muscles, our cells, our dna and all the other parts of our energy body get to harmonize, and do a dance of healing that restores us, revitalizes us, and brings us into harmony.
They have told me that the radiation will take 2-3 months of a taxing thing on my energy. That I will be extra tired, and extra heavy from the radiation for this period of time, generally. I am looking forward to being able to nap and rest to heal back up.
I am wondering what it will be like to be a stronger person, that gets the most out of rest time, allows her body to revitalize fully, before pushing to the limits again and again. I am excited to meet this part of myself, that I have effectively gimped for so long, gotta do the work, and sleep.