Published 2 old drafts that had kept me from progressing. Listening to a book these days… very good book actually, through Audible, that basically reminded me that when you figure out something that you are supposed to be doing, and are passionate about, your the only person that keeps yourself from doing it.
So I’m doing it.
Habits and patterns are tenuous things – they sprawl around in our lives, causing all types of action and consequence.
Harnessing the good ones, and minimizing the bad ones, or overwriting them is what I’m working on now. Its sort of like clearing out the rubble before you can plant a garden.
I wonder how people do that every year without feeling the frustration I’m feeling now. How do you clear out the same space over and over again, and feel empowered by the effort instead of kicking yourself while your down.
That concept of fake it till you make it only takes you so far, I’m very good at faking it – Yeah Baby. I don’t want to fake it, doesn’t really serve me.
This book, it helped me seize the day, the moment for a brief moment in time, and I realized how far far away from it I was…. stepping into that whoosh feeling of being connected to the universe, and spirit, and creation — and I was crying. Realizing how much I’d missed that… Its a simple thing for me, to step back into that moment, I know precisely how to take myself there in a breath, a heartbeat….. but I get so distracted by the mundane, I had failed to realize how truly long it had been before I’d frolicked in that moment for a bit.
I consciously spent many hours pushing myself back into it over the course of this week, and I am feeling so much better, its hard to understand why I continue to let myself drift away from it.
The glitz and glamour of the distractions I guess…. Shiny Treasures. So so easily distracted, its a wonder I can stay focused on anything – including this post – for more than a few moments.
About to be an Aunt – for the 5th time, but somehow this time feels alot more like the first, I wasn’t so close to any of my other nieces & nephews births or wee lives, and they all live a distance from me even now. Plus being able to share in the joy of these two is … priceless. Its such a magic thing, and I am hopeful to see that sweet little angel soon.
This is an odd year, 2015. Its a culmination of a 2 year growing cycle, and as I reflect upon this I see some of the correct paths I’ve trod, and some of the less beneficial ones I’ve dabbled along. Spirit has sent me many guides and messengers to let me know that I’ma bout to embark upon the next 2 year cycle, and I’m very very curious.
We have some strange things afoot at the Casa this year – things I’ve been wishing and hoping for over the past few cycles, will likely come to fruition this year. Its a little overwhelming and frightening to be honest; its always amusing to me how I put these large goals up on a height, and then tirelessly work towards them, only to be scared to death once I actually get close to achieving them. Its like my consciousness is this naysaying ninny, that has no faith in my subconscious and ability to manifest. I_Know_I_Can_Manifest. I have done it so many countless times in my life, the only thing I lack is focus.
I’ve read many times about people learning the bow and arrow, and how you focus, you have to clear your head and be the target, same with firing a gun I’d imagine, but something about firing a gun still feels very very wrong to me. Gunpowder is not meant to kill people. That focus, that single minded intent of clearing your mind, centering your breath, stilling your body and being one with the target, in order to reach the target. That faith and believe in your own accuracy and aim and that removal of second guessing or hesitation.
Thats how you manifest.
Eye on the prize, heart centered and focused.
Time for me to pick a new target, right now, I’m floundering in a sea of possibilities, with out an oar or compass.
Had this weird thought the other day, there are a few people that are alive that I’d like to meet. I’d like to share tea or in a few cases a beer with them. I’ve had meditative conversations with all of them a few times, and I know its a possibility to cross our paths, but I hesitate to manifest it because I’m hoping the universe will provide me with some goal or purpose that will match up with this desire. Other than the sheer vanity aspect of being able to say “I had tea once with … “… I mean, I do have a vanity streak, but I’d like to believe I’m not quite that vain.
Yoga teaching keeps coming up in my meditations. I like yoga, the way it makes me feel, the empowering sense of connecting my mind with my body and breath and the centeredness of action in spirit. I very much enjoy teaching – I’ve just never really seriously considered this path as constructive for me…. Maybe its time to ponder on this one some more.
I think this is a good start for re-joining with my passion, so I’ll leave here, and go off to take P out for some much needed refreshment.