My head is doing a caucus race – something it does on the regular and I’m beginning to learn how to better catch, redirect, clear this. Still quite a challenge.

Went yesterday to get the next chemo, really really didn’t want to get it – when the doc asked “how are you doing today? ” I laughed – as I normally do when people ask this question – let them think whatever they want for my reply – its the most honest way to reply to that question. It is saying so much and nothing at the same time – no violation of my internal ethic system maintaining the pure honesty I feel is an absolute – but at the same time not taking on the burden associated with telling them verbal answer to their actual question – which is normally not what they were after when they asked. I answered in words “welp I don’t want to take this chemo today”

She, in her infinite wisdom – the reason she is on my team — small spiderweb here – when I spoke my response my little kid inside immediately got her little kid out and she replied “we aren’t doing chemo today” …. but I digress, she wants to start me on a new “protocol” — the pc way of saying — we have some other drug that we think will do other things that might be better for your circumstances “Protocol” —

Should be mentioned, when you go to the doctor they basically take a outline of where and what you are – with where and what your cancer stuff is — and then they match that up to the “flow chart of medicine that they have established thru university trial and error and thru predictive insurance approval.” — So you start with A, and move thru the alphabet depending upon how dangerous it is, and how drastic it is and how effective it is……. So lets go back to me –

When I started the protocol I specifically requested, I jumped ahead a bunch of “letters” — mostly because a friend recommended the lecture about this med, and I was actually inspired by the research symposium because the professor of the students presenting their research/findings – was joyous with the response. The FDA fast tracked this drug, and I requested it – as did my oncologist at the time, and I started it. Effectively I skipped ahead from protocol C down to Protocol H —- That isn’t to say that protocol D, E, F, G would have been any less effective for me – but this H seemed like what I wanted, and my oncologist agreed. So now we will be going back …. well a new medicine was released shortly after my H protocol and they actually put it earlier in the listing. Its now the new “G” – so we are stepping back to go forward.

This is an interesting thing in my life – and the most positive confirmation about this new protocol there is — for the best possible results life moves forward and backward – often for me the more challenging the problem the more I have to step back and clean up the room before we continue to go forward to place the new things.

So this protocol will suck — alot and have alot of very not fun aspects — however, I looked at some of the stats and some of the possibilities and it is somewhat remarkable. As I have indicated many times, chemo doesn’t kill cancer, the body does that job — this drug however, gets in to the cells, does the similar thing to the past protocol of “preventing replication” and also makes the cancer cells dazed and confused – and the outcome is they often self destruct. This should be helpful to my body in eliminating these self invaders, but will be alot more taxing on my system in terms of elimination of the bad and the chemicals.

There are alot of pictures on the web of “how this medicine impacts the cells” …. and there are a slightly higher risk associated with this medicine then the previous – but I still think its fairly low — bad if you won the lottery of symptoms —– but I think I already won the lottery because I’m here to type this 🙂

We will “fast track this new protocol” and the hope is that we get to start it next week – little kid is still a little upset about more icky …. but we all grow up and learn how to embrace that child and navigate thru the climate we are privileged to exist in…

Overall, and with great abundance – Life is Good.