This was the week of scans. MRI, CT, Bone scan…. so much contrast, my body is extremely unhappy with this state of affairs, and it has been quite vocal at expressing its discontent.

I will find out, next week, in the round of doctors appts “how” the scans look and went. This week I just have to endure the circus – all be it a pleasant one from a people perspective – ARA is “good” at what they do, and they must treat their employees well, because they are in a good mood, and very willing/able to help their patients.

This has been a week of exceptional tired. Partially because even in attempting to “not be worried” about these things, I still am…. and also the actual tests themselves. Just gimme sleep … has been the mantra the past few days.

Today is a different sort of self care/health day. Its Friday! That is a get to hang with my brother and go from appt to appt. Wrapping up the day with acupuncture which is both therapeutic and also very feel good.

Yesterday I got to hang with mom and we got to hang a bit with D but all was cut a wee bit short because I was just super super tired.

I don’t recall the contrast hitting me quite as hard in the past, but I guess its a little too much to expect for them to be “less hard” with more and more of them. They do have a cumulative effect, and this was number four this year…. for each of the tests, and each of the contrasts.

I really wish with all the technological advancements that they would find a better less invasive way to “scan” things, and determine “whats going on” …. I suppose this IS a less invasive way, but its still a bit more invasive than it feels like it “could” be….

P watched the new apple video – where they introduce the new tech that apple is hanging their business model on. We only watched half an hour, and I have to say they are actually really working on racial diversity. While they have always been a company that touted this, their presentations showed a different side – a old white man network side. This one, just like the one a month or so back – showed a different side. It showed tremendous sex/race diversity. The information and the way it was presented also showed this – in the idea font being more than just “get on a stage and show off my tush, while everyone watches a video” …. which has been the norm in the past. This presentation was far more engaging, and seemed like you were personally involved with the technology.

Thankfully they cancelled the debates preferring a hatfield vs mccoy method that I was also able to avoid – having no network tv. Sometimes, its nice to remain blissfully ignorant – particularly when you know no good will come of knowledge. There is an expression which I have always embraced which is the antithesis of this concept “Knowledge is power” — but there is also a time, when power isn’t important. Power – while in a sense it turns on the lights, it doesn’t “actually” “turn” “on” “the” “lights” – there is no “action” in power, its a state of being – a construct – and it really isn’t power; its a false sense of attainment to something that is imaginary.

Love is power, and I’m certain there was no love in these futile attempts to panhandle opinions. I think Love Lost is one of the more sad things right now. Losing opportunities to share, and increase love. Its like missing that chance to hug- never know if it could be the last one.

There is so little we know… power grabs we do, and they are just — well when you watched the bully on the playground when you were little, you either walked away, you stood up to them, you went and got the teacher…. you did something, maybe you got bullied. It was still a bully, and it’s easy to recognize as an adult. Doesn’t make it any more valuable today, than it did them. Just forty more years sad. Sad they are missing out on the true value in love.

That song “all you need is love” – is frighteningly the truth. While I recognize you can’t actually “eat” love…. there is so so much food waste, that technically, if everyone was practicing the concept of “all you need is love” – you would be eating in abundance, from love.

Personally, I’ve been focusing on healing. The combination of Love and Gratitude.

I am grateful for all the blessings, and helpful people in my life. I’m surrounded by love, and I’m grateful for that, it has been allowing me to elevate my healing, and that for that, I’m very grateful.