As I lay in bed this morning, awake at 5:45 – trying to convince that voice inside of me that is incessant at some times, trying to make me wake up — trying to convince “her” to sleep – please go back to sleep…

I did the normal attempts – prayer, meditation, breathing exercises, bed stretches — these all helped to make me feel calm, and relaxed, but this voice – today was having nothing to do with more sleep.

She promptly started talking up a litany of blog topic/subject things…

A few months back, someone asked me about “how do I blog…” – I said its just stream of consciousness that I type as I think it – I’m a pretty fast typist…. so my thoughts become my words and they make it to the page.

I’m not really a writer, I’m a speaker – because writers manipulate words, and rehash them, mold them like clay into art – and then they revisit them, reshape them and turn them into some vision of beauty. This isn’t me. It’s not that I’m incapable of this, quite the opposite. It’s just not something I enjoy.

Thoughts are my artform. My expression is blogging.

When I fight this “she” that is “me” trying to convince me to wake, her thoughts become more and more tangent in places that are sometimes not good. She/I had an analogy today that both made me laugh and shake my head at the same time. ….. Blogs are like poo that come out the other end….. And there is … I don’t know if its sadly? oddly? Strangely? — its something – not sure how I feel about this but its something…. There is — atleast for me, maybe not for a writer, but perhaps even there… there is some definite undeniable truth to it.

This is the place where I empty my head. Where all the experiences that load in from my intakes – from the news, stories, people, appts, experiences I roam, the nature I see, the sights, the music – where all those things culminate into a symphony of thoughts rising into a cacophony and melding into a brain overloaded – this is where I release them, and set them free from my mind.

Today’s thought started out as a pondering that has been tossing around for a few days – probably some of it will still be tossing around after this blog — How do you handle when someone has different conceptions of who and where you are mentally – and they try and confirm you to their anticipated pathway – when you are no where near that road.

A left field example of this that my mind has brought forth having nothing to do with the reality but feeling much more safe to utilize – Like when someone finds a flavor of ice cream – chocolate butterscotch that they feel “saves the world” – it has an amazing taste, texture and incredible notes of subtle flavor – they have found it is the new health craze – that it provides a cure for every possible human ailment – and they try to convince you that you MUST try this thing – that it will save your life. Totally oblivious to the fact that you are lactose intolerant and abhor – and have for the majority of your life – butterscotch. How do you handle this with grace, tact and shrewd wisdom that does not offend, hurt, and yet enlightens? Still struggling with this silence is golden is the adage that comes to mind. Or honestly a quote/song from the Musical Hamilton — “Talk less, smile more” It eventually led to problems for him – but I have no aspirations of politics so feel I should be fine 🙂

My crepe myrtle trees we planted years back are finally starting to become true to their nature. Its an interesting thing to watch, they are not a full bloomer yet, but they have realized “Oh this is how its going to be, fine” and they have bloomed in bright happy colors this year, which makes me quite happy to see…

My newest sister in law – well that’s what the kids are calling her these days – especially me — made Empanadas – with a recipe from her Gram – and I have to say the things are heaven – Pumpkin Empanadas – and the BEST part hands down or worst part if you are trying to be healthy and limiting things in your diet – is that she didn’t enjoy them so I got 3 times as many of them as the other ones — Apple which I left all too P because they were just NOT as good as the pumpkin. Life is just full of so many great blessings – thank you Gram o T for the bestest yummies I’ve been craving and got to have in a long time — now that pancakes have betrayed me, I am holding my “Iron Dessert” its like iron chef except for its all in my head and tummy – where tastes battle it out for the right to reign supreme. I have to say Empanadas have clearly taken the lead -now to find out if its something I can replicate or not. — This is a very hard competition to hold for me, when your trying to minimize bad things in your diet…. like each competition has to be X time apart which makes it harder to be truly unbiased about voting for each thing as the winner — go figure I guess I’ll get to spend a lifetime re-evaluating each of these 🙂