Last night P&I did an unusual thing – unusual because its not something I incredible enjoy – but he was excited to share it with me, so I went along for the ride…. we watched a concert. He had two options, and I went with the one I figured he would more enjoy …. the Sting & Shaggy 44/876 tour concert in Moscow.
I should say, I’ve had this head addiction to that song 44/876 – since I first heard it…. my head, that voice in there LOVES numbers…. and it loves cadance just as much. And this song services both incredible well – not to mention it has those incredible meaningful and moving lyrics of a typical Sting song… “I try to free my mind, live a life stress free – the politics of this country are getting to me….”
The concert was really fabulous – I’ve always enjoyed Sting as an artist, and this was no exception. Watching him on stage with Shaggy – another artist I enjoy – was just fun. Enjoying it from the comfort of my living room with P was great! There were a few times during the concert, that particular songs elicited super strong emotions for me.
Music does this for me, more than any other art form. Something about the tone, and the lyrics just — its like in the Disney movie Sleeping Beauty – where the fairies are arguing over making her dress pink or blue — my brain picks up on these things and just dances them down the hallway of emotion and my heart just can’t help but pick up this beat and is suddenly overwelmed by a feeling that the song holds.
Sometimes the feelings aren’t really from a personal connection to the emotion, just a sense of what the artist intended when he wrote them. There are not alot of famous people I feel I would enjoy meeting. Most of the time they are not what they are personified to be…. Sting however is one of the handful I feel strongly I would enjoy, because his songs — just tell so many stories that often feel like my garden is being tended. (Heart Garden)
Its kinda funny for me to call it a heart garden – because a few years back when I went to the fitness camp, and I had a session with one of their … I don’t know what he was officially called but he was a type of massage therapist that also did “healing” … this was before the big C took over my life – and in our session – he mentioned that my heart Chakra was blocked, it was overgrown with Rosebushes that hadn’t been tended well… It was such a profound personal thing for him to say, and it struck me – and suddenly I could see and feel what he ment.
Since that session I have strived quite diligently to tend the rosegarden that lives in my heart chakra. Its a beautiful place, and its always in bloom. Some of these Sting songs just bring sunshine, or rain or a soft breeze to this place, and my heart sings.
Today is a chemo day. I always get a little nervous about these days, more so since incidents in January – but overall. While I recognize that its not an unbased fear, or irrational fear – I do feel that many times it just doesn’t serve me. I have not had any specific warnings or concerns that have told me its time to stop this chemo, in fact I’ve had confirmations that this is the time to be doing this … for the moment. Still gives me pause…..
There is a country song I came across a bit back called “What Ifs” by Kane Brown (great video too btw)- that seems just to be the mood of my mind today… plus his voice is like a warm hug. ….
I think part of the worry about today, stems from the little kid in me – the one that is finally feeling better from the last treatment, worrying that I won’t get good days again, that as “billy joel says – These are the days to hold on to… cause we won’t although we will want to…” …. I keep telling her its okay, that we are doing better and better, but she remembers days of running through a playground, and climbing up trees… I don’t know that I’ll ever be that vibrant again – but I will be more vibrant, my light will shine brighter… how do I tell her that its enough? How do I feel that its enough? I’m not 7 anymore, so its not really fair to expect my body to behave like a 7 year old… but what does it feel like to be 47? Is it supposed to feel like this? How does “healthy at 47” feel?
These are the questions my mind ponders. Answers are not readily available – but Hey! seems like maybe the fridge IS working this time 🙂 so there is light, always light, at the end of every tunnel…. and I’m certain treatment will go swift, and easy, and I’ll be doing right as rain in a couple of days … again.