But sometimes, it doesn’t make it any less sad. There was an inside Joke about “knowledge is power” when we used to live in San Diego there was this knowledge is power billboard – it was an education billboard and had math on it. He immediately took this as a thing and said, “yeah pie R squared” – in the format of Malcom X supporting the power of the people to rage against ignorance by math. It was one of those things we shared for a long time and then there was a comic that said “No Pie are round” – so its been one of those things we have enjoyed for a long time. “π R²”

Today, I don’t know why this happened today, but it did. I’m having a very very sad moment, an ephiany long in coming for me, that I – well bluntly I feel I could have lived my whole live without this knowledge. — Ignorance is bliss sometimes. But in the course of where and what I am doing, it was time for the universe to give me this knowledge in such a way that it really internalized and became a part of who I am.

Pancakes, are not breakfast they are desert. This is why they are called “Pan-cakes” I know this isn’t really probably a profound thing for most people, its a very obvious piece of information, but somehow my heart and mind had refused to accept this information until today.

I had pancakes today for breakfast, and was sitting relaxing and meditating with spirit in my overcarbed state of mild discomfort mild bliss. When Spirit says to me, Alethia, you do realize that pancakes are just cakes, cooked in a pan. While this knowledge “should” have been part of my venacular – I have had a love love relationship with pancakes for as long as I can remember. I know they are “not particularly good for me” but it never before occured to me that they are just cake, fried in a pan. Sad sad times. Never again will I be able to enjoy my favorite breakfood, and arguable one of my favorite foods of all time without the revelation that its just another form of especially fatty cake. I will let this one go, and embrace the fact that the knowledge is indeed power, and it will help me move past this but still this is a sad sad day.

Not to mention the fact that I still have the remaining half of the pancakes I got from Kerbey – my favorite distributor of “pan-cakes” in my fridge – figured I’d have them for breakfast another day – and now I’m just realizing I don’t really need the desert again – particularly not so soon. Aha cake.

Music always plays heavily in most all my prayers/meditations/conversations with Spirit. This was no exception, during this entire encounter, Stings song “Soul Cake” was playing thru my head. I let P in on this new knowledge dropped on my head, and at first he was somewhat incredulous, however my sheer tears of sorrow at this revelation clued him in on the fact that it was not a joke to me, and while I could appreciate the humor, and the fact that most of the people in my life will find this more than mildly amusing. Its an opportunity for me to realize that as much as I know, there are mountains of knowledge and epiphanies to be had.

May the rest of today be filled with comfort and joy. Good bye dear pancakes, I’ve enjoyed you so much, but if I’m going to splurge on cake, honestly there are other variations I’d probably enjoy more.

Maybe this is just a slightly more painful part of my journey coming to recognize food as a source of sustenance not pleasure. Feels like this is the case, but it also feels a little like my woobie blanket is getting taken away from me.

There is a quote here from another thing I’ve enjoyed about gracefully surrendering the things of youth. – from the Desiderata – thank you to my great aunt M for introducing this to me so many years ago, it has been a life line so many times in my life, and today it will bring me solace, peace and let me find my way back to joy.

I will mourn you not Pancakes, you have brought me much joy in my life, but its time for you to go back to the pan, and for me to find more greens, veggies, and generally healthier things into my stomach, body, mind and soul.

Thank you universe/spirit for lighting my path to the best possible outcome, and for comforting me along my experiences. I will be able to see this as funny soon, I am shaking my head at this even now. Knowledge really is power.