Rabbit holes, not the way, no no Alice, stay at home.

Quote: “Cats and rabbits Would reside in fancy little houses And be dressed in shoes and hats and trousers In a world of my own” – lyrics according to google by: Kathryn Beaumont – I just know them from the alice and wonderland movie.

My potassium level is low again this week. went 4.4 to 2.6 in one week. My body just having issues with this mineral. Back to the super high dosage of potassium and back to holding my breath each week on a lab work till they tell me what it is at…. The doctor that called me back today, wasn’t my doctor, was a back up doctor calling/filling in…. she mentioned something – rabbit hole thing – that sometimes chemo drugs can cause “a thing” to kidneys that “does this” – she wasn’t intending it to be a rabbit hole – but my brain – data analyst has spent the past hour searching – unsuccessfully – for this information. I’m certain, this is accurate, I trust this doctor, she came to see me at the hospital in January = she is a good cookie. However, rabbit holes are so so bad for me right now.

I’m dropping this and leaving it in the hands of the greater powers in my life and healing circle to find me a resolution – something to “heal” whatever it is that is causing this issue/concern/difficulty with maintaining a healthy potassium level.

Got a chiropractic adjustment today. This has also been a source of well, true scared/danger for me. — Let me unravel this scared feeling. – and yes we are intentionally calling it scared, because Scared is based upon logic, fear is based upon emotion. There were three. One – this particular chiropractor – a long time member of my healing team who I adore and respect highly – his intuition is spot on and he is incredible. Early in our time visiting, he told us a “joke” type of story to cut the tension in one of our visits about a guy that basically broke his own neck trying to crack it. I have no idea why this piece of knowledge stayed in my head but it DID. Its there, its part of my “wow you can kill yourself by trying to crack your neck” permanent knowledge base. So I have a concern about my neck being broken, and this killing me. I also have a concern about degradation of the bones in my pelvis – they already had issues prior to cancer, they were a “bad spot” on my chiro adjustments always for years, cancer has well – one of the things chemo does is take good things out of your bones and make them less strong. So I have a concern about my pelvis, and getting an adjustment that would “break it” or suddenly put me in paralysis. I also had a third concern – while my doctor explained to me the logic and fallacy to rest these fears, and put them away in the “not valid” category – the third one was about being “the patient” that he inadvertently had “bad things happen to” – I have no regrets for my life – but I can tell you – I adore this doctor, and if I were to get to spirit at the end of my life, and this doctor had any part of that ending – I would be terrible regretful. — This last one, even more than the other two is what caused me in January to “not” get an adjustment. P however has really good intuition and he has seen me be in well little pains add up – be in “little pains” for the past week, and he finally said “Enough of that, go see Dr. Rock” – so we did, I got an adjustment and OMG – even if there was validity in my concerns, I feel so much better. Mea Culpa.

So today was alot about thinking. About trying to get my mind to stay in the relaxed zone, which is oddly alot more difficult than one would expect – silly things move me out – like the sound of the Fan suddenly, or music unexpectedly/suddenly – sounds or smells often move me into the “rabbit duck and cover” type of mode. I’m not certain what to do to rewire this – but it will definately be a conversation point with my psychologist tomorrow.

Maybe its a sign its time to watch Alice in Wonderland again – I’m trying to get P to watch another of the films on our list – we will see how successful this is later today.

So many new appts, had to get one for eye doctor – my glasses have been the wrong things for months and now they suddenly seem to have microfractures on them making it difficult to see at all with them – and I’m still in need of correction further than my hand away. Appt with dentist – one of the “wonderful” side effects of chemo drugs is doing horrible things to your teeth and gums – I’ve always been pretty vigilant with brushing/flossing – but its been almost 2 years since I last went, and this new meds is alittle more harsh, have been feeling my teeth say things like “aha we could use some TLC” – so in I’ll be going.

Also super super excited to be able to go back to the acupuncturist this week, it won’t be till Friday but I am so so hopeful she will be able to help with so many of the things – maybe she will have the aha thing for the potassium! Here is hoping.

It always feels a little meh to talk about how I’m doing in this blog because I just don’t feel like super woman much anymore. I mean I feel like the cape is dirty, and the underroos have magic holes that seem to pop over to the least coverage place everytime I try and sing the theme song or get lift off. Overall – I’m not doing bad. I feel like I’m progressing towards healing. There was a game on the price is right – the yoddling guy that would go up the mountain. Right now, I feel like that little yoddler, or even better – from the sound of music – the yodeling goat song.

In any case – be safe, be healthy, and above all be Happy – I am.

One thought on “Rabbit holes, not the way, no no Alice, stay at home.”

  1. Give my daughter a break 😀 Rest, take the meds. Sleep in hopes of allowing the meds to help your mission.
    Take some time to spend with the sand you received. It is qualified to share some stories. It has spent most its existence inside the ocean and suddenly, each grain has relocated to your home. Sent as a connective gift.
    Big pictures, tangible touchable opportunities.
    Sending you love and light.
    I have to go to sleep soon. ❤️

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