The tickle that I get inside, that tells me “you should write something” – is not something I know how to share, if its shareable. I just know, that its one of those things, that seems to grow and grow like a jabba the hutt until I let it out. – insert random probably mis-quote here “toe to solo, hahaha” – meaning its time to write.

This weather is again, that lingering sense of endless winter. There is a part of me that thrives in this dark, wet and gloomy. Not sure its the best or the brightest parts of me, but it IS the part of me that has everlasting longevity.

Interesting thought occurred to me the other day during a meditation. Science has come to the revelation – not really something new to the rest of us, but yeah science for catching up – that only 10% of our bodies is “us” or rather, the DNA that they have always considered “us” — now this revelation… is that Cancer is mutation of those DNA cells. So in effect, when you are developing or growing cancer, its with the smallest portion of who you are, and as it grows… its effectively trying to take over the part of you that is a thriving community. Its also worth mentioning in this thought, that part of “solving cancer” is that your body has to replace those cells to keep your “healthy” DNA at 10%, and cancer is constantly trying to mutate/replicate – get the hatfields to join the mccoys so to speak. While all the natural fungi, bacteria, and things that grow and thrive in your body are just living in this war zone much like the gaza strip.

Things that make you just shake your head and go “vaya con dios” – My whole life is all vaya con dios (go with god) – have always had a strong believe in god – not so much as a person – too limiting, or as a singular construct, but more as an infinitesimal limitless essence that makes up everything – every cell, atom, – there is no part of me that is not of the god. So when I say “God is healing my cancer” I mean that its being healed from everything everywhere, all at once, and within the perfect time for what is required to get the job done.

There is something about clean laundry that just has always made me happy. The machines beep beeping to tell me that they are done, tossing and turning the cloth around, and that it will now smell fresh, crisp and clean – and be warm and ready for folding, or wearing, or putting into place. Something about this is just magic. I can’t imagine the days when laundry had to be done by hand, but I can say hanging in the sun – of course not on days or weeks of days like today – but hanging in the sun is a little superior to the dryer – a little – only because the smell of fresh from outside is pretty non replicable but also not the warmth that comes from the dryer itself. I tend to be a bit of a hedonistic person, and do a little laundry every day just to feel this freshness around me – its much like knowing that I’ve given a clean fresh shower to my linens, clothing, towels, curtains, rugs – whatever is in the rotation for the day.

Doing house chores, on a pretty predictable schedule has become the norm for me – I like routine, it keeps me happy and it lets my body feel like it can get into a rhythm with healing. I feel stronger, and it helps me stay happy and that helps me healer better and better.

Intuition is based upon spirit guiding me towards information that is out there in the ethers that maybe isn’t quite present to my physical body at this moment in time. I’m relying alot on intuition these days, because so many other things are failing. The natural clumsiness that I have had since early childhood – I think partially teh reason my grandparents gave me gymnastics lessons as a young child was to try and help “train” this clumsiness out of me – and it only worked to regulate it into a less normal pattern. However, due to current physical things, and my absolute necessity to do only one thing at a time after years and years of multitasking – I can see now often, thanks to intuition, how things are going to fall apart and be an under mess, if I fail to take the one at a time mantra as my edict for life. For example, I’ll have two drinks and a plate to carry. Former self would have tried to balance these things, and I can see the “method” for balance in them even now, but as I go to pick them up, intuition will show me which item will fall and where it will slip and fall if I try this method. Much better to just take two or three trips and carry each thing carefully to its destination. The little bit of extra movement is good for me anyway, and much faster than the time to clean up the mess. However, sometimes, I get that sense “no way, I can be more careful than this, maybe it won’t happen” so I try – and sure enough xyz happens and then I can spend the next X amount of time cleaning up the mess I knew was coming. Just confirmation after confirmation. Listen or be silent, but either way, follow directions or your bound to end up a hot mess.

Being smart doesn’t always mean you do it correctly the first time, nor does it mean you do it the most efficient or the best way. It just means you have the capacity to do it right, and efficiently. But then, everyone is smart – some of us just chose to actively be dumb unintentionally. Its kinda a subconscious game we play with ourselves. Have been finding many and many of these subconscious games all over the place with P and I – also with many family and friends. Its pretty fun and interesting – being a gamer to find these things – however makes me a little frustrated and sad, when often I find that they are not doing us good, but rather we are allowing the games to have been morphed to do us great harm – like, if your losing, that’s okay just don’t punish yourself in addition to losing. The loss is punishment enough. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and try the game again – just like every game, eventually with practice, you will get better and you will win more than you lose.

Even if this weather is all mush mush of sloppy wet goo, it will pass eventually, and the beautiful tree in my backyard – which came back a season after we thought it was dead – and finally six years later has buds, and fruit on it – The fruit will eventually rippen and we will have it in a few months to enjoy.