Category Archives: General

Books, General, Health, Learning, Stream of Consciousness

Fall Dayz

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Inspiration hit me today, like a brick to my head. I feel alive, I feel inspired. I feel like a mexican jumping bean ready to bounce out of my clothes.

Now to hold onto this, and let my muse guide me. Muse in the oddest place, in the seriously oddest location. More on this some other time.

I’m in a good place, and my head feels happy.

Today was workout number three of this week, trying to get back to hour long workouts daily, but its a slow process.

It was identified through several sources to me over the past few weeks, that this healing I’m doing is a multiple year project. 3-5 years, of working on curing. Two parts to that, the working, and the curing. The curing comes naturally from the effort and work I’m putting in, but the working was something that I identified, and now it has a i/o to go along with it.

Aha, inspiration you are a tempting old soul. Always lingering so close to touch, but then dancing away like a fairy on a nectar buzz, but not this time. This time, I have you held close, bundled up in my mind of a crafty writers ploy that I already know will work, and I am just so so happy.

Time to sit back and roll around in this feeling. I understand now why clean dogs roll around in the mud, because it’s this feeling, this wonderful feeling of knowing something that all I have to do is enjoy it. Well, welcome to my mud. Thanks for sharing the roll.

General, Health, Learning, Stream of Consciousness, Travel Journaling

Impressions of the Software Variety

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First day of Collaborate 2016 conference. This is a conference for my muggle job – the one that pays the bills.

The day started painfully early – this being any time I am required to rise before the sun – 4am being this “time” today.

Flight was scheduled to depart from Austin at 6:30am – this is the first time I’ve ever “not” arrived at the airport 2 hours prior. This was un-necessary stress that I will likely avoid in the future – it was not that there was any issue, or that the time was any less productive; it was just the stress of being nervous in the line for security, verses knowing that there was ample time. The feeling rushed to head to the gate verses ambling along down to the spot. The boarding being so quickly after arrival at the gate.

This flight was on SWA – an airline I tend to avoid due to the cattle call style seat assignments – this was the least expensive (by alot) option and best/direct flight. It was a no brainer, and a necessary evil for me. While I had looked at the option, and almost accidentally upgraded my seat to business class (491.00 additional charge at 5:35am when I had not had coffee – being as Starbucks had not been opened when I had passed them) it wasn’t really a viable option.

I’m guessing, that the fact that it was a Sunday morning, and so early – would the the reason that my flight was not entirely full – just mostly full. When I boarded, in boarding group B – even having paid the 15$ upgraded boarding – B55 – I headed for the very back of the plane – this was for two very distinctive reasons.

The first being my late arrival had prevented me from using the bathroom prior to boarding. And the second being that I wanted an aisle seat and the others were all taken. This also worked out well; as I normally check my bags so as not to navigate the airport with them, knowing the conference was starting half an hour before my arrival to the hotel, I wanted to be able to get to it as quickly as possible, and didn’t want the delay of waiting at baggage claim.

This small choice made for a synergistic combination – I exited the terminal and headed to pick up transport to the hotel. There was a shuttle, fairly reasonable priced, and I boarded. The very next lady to board was also hurrying along to the conference, and was also from Austin – she was also attending as her company is doing the same upgrade this year, and she also works in Finance.

The fates, as usual had been kind and blessed me with exactly the opportunity that I needed – someone to network with; that was super happy to have met someone so quickly with so many like circumstances.

I was charming – this was due to the fact that the shuttle driver had hit on me, and been very flirty and I had greatly enjoyed this attention – and the fact that I too felt the connection and kindship of meeting a fellow Texan/Austin attending for precisely the same reason.

We got to the Mandalay Bay hotel; and it was right around 8am. We headed through the gallery style entrance, and eventually winded our way over to reservations. I paid for the early check in on my reservation and was able to get into my room right away, this turned out to be quite a boon.

We headed over to registration and got checked into the conference and got our first batch of ribbons – hooked back up with my new conference BFF (hence forth known as D) – and we discussed the many many many options – we headed to Starbucks – there are 2 full Starbucks inside the hotel – as well as approximately 12 full restaurants, two food courts, several casinos, two full convention centers, an extensive beach, multiple show rooms, clubs and bars, shopping center and just general an incredible amount to see and experience all in the confines of the hotel itself. We discussed options, and attended divergent paths, in order to pool notes and share information.

~~ More notes here —

In hindsight, I wish I had continued to make detailed journal/logging like I did this first day, and wish I had finished the first day of information. This didn’t happen.

It was a great experience, the week was incredible valuable, uplifting and inspiring and I had the chance to engage and collaborate with so many different individuals from so many paths, so many companies, so many different experiences, all sharing the experiences with working with Oracle. I learned many things to help me with our transition.

More what I learned the most was that I need step out of the box experiences to rejuvenate. I need solo trips, where there is one purpose, and I am allowed to be completely spontaneous for everything else, because while this experience was exceptionally tiring, it was also very very uplifting to my spirit.

Books, General, Learning, Stream of Consciousness, Travel Journaling

Fortune Smiles

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Luck be a lady tonight.

This blog, is going to be out of order from my posts, I still have a couple I need to finalize, but meh they are not fun, and this one is fun.

Sometimes there are things that require attention, and this time this one does.

As I pen this post, I’m sitting in a coffee shop in Seattle, one of my favorite cities on the planet. Something about this place just sinks into my skin and makes me content.

The weather here is what could accurately be called abysmal, dark, overcast, grey, and perpetually alternating between cool and warm with the waves of humidity, wet and dry — although more often wet with a slight chance of soaking wet through the perpetual drizzle.

Still somehow, this is perfect for me, it represents everything about humanity in my eyes. Deeply troubled, struggling for purpose, answers, logic, with no idea what lies just beyond the edge of the horizon. Stuck down in the midst of the perpetual turmoil of existence, thriving and seeking always seeking, knowledge, passion, source, heart, answers, always seeking.

Since my love affair began with this city, about 5 years ago on my very first visit, the universe has blessed me with an opportunity each year to return, at a slightly different time, to confirm as I have suspected, that this is a place I could call home.

This year like the others, an opportunity arose, and once again I pounced on it, in cat like form. D had a conference here she wanted to attend, and being the ever supportive big sister I am, I offered to tag along and shelter part of the bill to make certain she could enjoy herself in this trip and not have the added burden of financials to worry about.

As the conference she is attending is at the airport hilton, we are staying at that hotel, which is quite an advantage over all. It has afforded me the chance for a respite from driving, from a vehicle, while still offering the luxury of convenience travel. Its literally across the road from the airport, and the light rail, a mass transit system for the city that goes from the outlying areas into the heart of Seattle.

Today during this week long adventure into an art form I have only been exposed to through the development and career my sister has been traversing for the past few years. And I must say, its quite enjoyable to watch the camaraderie and interactions of both the known and the unknown and generally the people becoming so much more self aware, and confident. This art form is a blessing for many of those in life, this world we share, that have issues, as I did previously being comfortable in their own skin. It helps with teaching the embodiment of positive self image, and empowerment through a truly beautiful device. Its a nurturing community, where people of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds can come together with the joint purpose of art.

Also, the beautiful men and woman make for magnificent eye candy all around the hotel, and convention center, god bless you each and every one for being so willing to showcase your bodies with such confidence for my feasting eyes. Yeah I guess this means I have some perv tendencies; there is something quite intoxicating to me in people having self confidence in their bodies, its like a drug, may I never get enough of it.

In this trip, I have set several goals. Some of them more intimate and personal, others more generic and on behalf of others. There is the goal to pick up a Seattle mug for a colleague for her collection, my collection already containing several. There are the gift cards I promised to my usually coffee hang out manager. Then there was the goal of meeting, greeting, hugging and feeding a kind soul I’ve met online that has listened to me lament my life struggles and has calmly offered a willing ear.

Today, this meeting was the goal. I popped across the street to the light rail and hopped on board to travel down to the preselected meeting place, Pioneer Square. Having requested that BK select the place for our meet up, both tasking him with selecting the restaurant, after several hashing out conversations of types of food, style of food, we both agreed on Thai – a favorite for both of us, and something with ample quality selections. Being as how this is his haunt, and I would be intruding in his work day, I requested that he pick the locale for our meeting also, hoping he would – as was the case – select a place close to the restaurant, and easily accessible by the rail.

On the rail, which was surprisingly easy both to get to, get into, purchase a ticket for, and to negotiate. As well as being surprisingly fast, it only took me about 40 minutes – about the same amount of time if I had been in a private car for the actual drive. I met an interesting lady, that chose to sit next to me on the ride.

We struck up a conversation, and talked about this that and the other thing on the ride. She asked for my feedback about a personal relationship matter, as she had been seeking an outside sounding board for her thoughts, and while I laughed at the whole interaction, I felt blessed to have shared. She was kind, she has a trip planned to visit her grand children next month, that she was quite excited to share. Her son had recently purchased her a smart phone which she was still trying to learn to utilize. We spoke about a myriad of subjects as we traveled, and there was a kindness and comforting sharing to the whole exchange. While we didn’t share names, we didn’t need to, she was “kind lady on the rail”

As I exited the rail, I got a little twisted around, but armed with my handy cell phone and my mobile google maps, I felt quite secure at my 3 block walk to the assigned meeting place. Passing by numerous coffee shops, including this one I’m sitting typing in now, I resolved to do this blog after the lunch.

Sitting in Pioneer Park, people watching and waiting, my wait for BK was not long, as I had arrived early, and sent a quick email, he immediately responded and walked over to meet me. We had exchanged pictures, so he knew what to expect, and I knew it was him. He has a smile that is contagious. A soft gentle temperament, while I can imagine him being enraged, or impassioned about things, its not his general nature, and his face shows the calm sweetness of his soul that reflects in his approach.

Having read his profile, I had already determined to ask him about one of the items he had mentioned, which ended up being a delightful learning opportunity for me. I love brain food. Those conversations, where – in my case – the technical details are so far above my head, that my brain struggles to grasp and map out the details to the roots and structures in my head that they are grounded in – (having a solid foundation in science, mathematics, programming, english, and history) – and allowing new trees of of wisdom to blossom. I love these types of conversations, and the universe has afforded me many times to meet up with fabulously intelligent individuals that are a wealth of good, fulfilling and fruitful knowledge, usually timing it serendipitously for me in such a way that I can grasp the concepts, and build upon them into other areas of development. This conversation was no exception.

While I will not go into the specifics for many reasons, not the least of which is that this content is BK’s alone, and while I feel blessed for him to have shared it with me – not only will I get the specifics incorrect, inaccurate and wrought with fallacies, I will generally likely be infringing upon his intellectual property.

I would however, like in general terms to explain the general ideology that we discussed. He explained in quite specific and detailed terms – he is quite a talker when he gets comfortable about the subject matter – the brain methodology for visualization. Basically how our eyes work with our brains to provide the images and things that we call sight. He further went into the details about the gaps in these, and how our brains fill them – this is similar to that old joke story that passes around often about if the letters in the first and last position of every word are correct, the rest can be jumbled or transposed, and the brain can still read the words completely. This works the same for vision. There are gaps in our vision, that our brain effective makes up to fill in the emptiness and provide meaning. This further expanded into a parallel conversation about psychology of superstitions, and the brains need to find patterns, to seek the patterns, and make meaning of them. In the absence of the natural or true patterns, our brains, our creative minds make them up in the form of superstition and belief. This sidetracked into many spiderwebs of conversation, learning and general idea exchange.

BK is a very kind and smart man, I also made him eat quite slow, and somehow something I said or did at some point was off-putting, I’m not entirely certain what I said, or how I had said it but his demeanor changed at one point. I made an observation, as our brains often do, and I’ll ask him about it later, when its in a little more comfortable environment – virtual, the environment where I typically talk to him about these things. Overall, the conversation was very pleasant.

I had previously commited to buying him lunch, and while he, being a true gentleman reached to pick up the tab, I snatched it back and covered the bill for us both. The place was a wonderful choice, the thai food was amazing, and I would highly recommend Ferry Noodle House as a staple choice for tasty Thai in Seattle.

After a thank you hug, we parted ways for him to return to work, and me to continue my trolling of Seattle.

Stopping on the way back to the rail at a really fun bookstore, it reminded me of Mysterious Galaxy Bookstore in San Diego; Seattle Mystery Bookshop – I found a treasure to take back and enjoy – even if I have promised to stop buying paper books, it was just too good of an opportunity to pass up. Plus I love bookstores, I love walking through them, its like visiting old friends.

Leaving the bookstore, it was time for a cup of coffee, and a Starbucks to document my tale. Low and behold I found a BK and coworker picking up a quick drink on the way back to finish out the day. Life is full of small surprises 🙂 great and wonderful, and it truly is a small small world.

Thank you Seattle for hosting me yet again, I plan to enjoy more wonderful bliss the rest of the week, and savor this warm cool wet dry weather when I return to Austin next week.

General, Learning, Stream of Consciousness

Crowded Spaces

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So yeah there are times in life when you have periods of extended ecstasy, these are easy to recognize in hindsight when you are in the periods of the other things, which we will lovingly define as challenges. Sometimes the periods are longer for either of these and sometimes the period is shorter for these, but then tend to ebb and flow from one to the other, and only retrospective defines truly whether they were one or the other. Atleast this is how it has been for me…

Until now.

Now I seem to be stuck in what I’m hoping will be considered in hindsight a challenging period, because if this is a period of ecstasy then I’m thinking its time to turn in that hat, and never walk that pathway again.

Some things, and stuff have happened, and areas I had figured were going to be sleeping silently decided to wake and show their shiny faces…. so I’ve been exploring all new areas of myself that I hadn’t known existed, and I’m finding some I like and some I don’t know what to do with…

For example, I’ve finally decided I like beer – not like before where I enjoyed some beers – more like they taste different now. I can taste layers of flavors in them that I had never noticed before.

Coffee tastes better, it has alot more depth.

Garlic – something I’ve always been epic in love with – now suddenly burns, not in the necessarily horrible bad way, but surprisingly not in the amazingly good way either.

Hot foods, which I’ve always had a high tolerance for – memories of ghost pepper burgers with extra sauce from only a few years back ringing in my mind – are now squashed – much above mild is now so hot I burn in a rather painful way — not that I’m anti pain for the sake of some things, but pain in taste, where the pain is overriding to the flavors is not a good thing.

Its like I can suddenly taste pheromones….. I can walk into a room or bar, or club and taste the feeling of sex and discontent on the air… I can sense it with my mouth – its the oddest feeling, but I can sort of feel it now, and its a very very oddish weird feeling.

While its appealing in many ways, when I am sitting at a happy hour to just feel the relaxation and the … exchanges going on around me — its quite disconcerting when in a conference room with dissatisfied individuals – or at a doctors office.

I’ve been overflow in my head for months now, but I’ve managed to avoid having to blog about this, by perpetually spamming random friends with a stream of consciousness to clear overflow. To all of those friends that I’ve overwhelmed with randomness of the moment, my bad.

Just trying to figure out a topic to keep my mind in one place long enough to clear mental cache and move on.

Met some interesting people though – through the stream of consciousness. One of them is even biblical. More on that later.

I need to figure out somewhere to drive my van – yes I have a van. Its Square, and its been recently cleaned and its ready to rumble, just haven’t figured out how to drag race with it yet – and until I do I think it will sit comfortable parked in the garage.

Family, General, Health, Learning, Spiritual, Stream of Consciousness

Shake it up

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Song comes to mind “Shake it off” by Taylor Swift — I seem to be doing A LOT of this lately.

Even as I type this…. sometimes, I’ve found and I’m trying to learn — its best to keep the personal diatribes to yourself.

Sufficed to say, I was a bit too outgoing with my thoughts, and ended up with more work.

On the one conversation, the work might be productive, and end up resolving the issue, however its messy and annoying and will be uncomfortable throughout the process.

On the other conversation, the outcome is just annoying, and it left me more frustrated then resolved. Now not only do I have this thing I want to hash out, but I have the drama associated with having let someone else in on the information.

People, generally are annoying. I’m not saying they suck or don’t suck – they both suck and don’t suck as may or may not be applicable and appropriate at one time or another — I mean I know I suck sometimes — I did cut in line in front of that guy, and pretend that it might have actually been my turn, even though I knew it wasn’t really my turn. I did say that thing that was brash and blunt and caused the person to be annoyed, frustrated or hurt. I’m not exempting myself from the annoying and sucking or not sucking part.

Just having one of those days, that I wish I were a squirrel. Let the pup out a few minutes ago, and as I was talking him into doing his business — yes you heard me correctly, he likes to be persuaded, otherwise, he will play the game of “Oh oh I need to go now, no wait…. Oh oh , its now… no … maybe…” for the next few hours. So I was persuading him to do his business.
When a squirrel on the other side of the fence all the sudden started chirping at me.

I feel like I need to chirp at someone. Just you know, sorta let it all out – not in specific context, just let myself be freed from the annoyance, frustration, and indecision.

Open myself to the infinite possibility of being in the moment, and realizing that none of the other stuff matters. Sure it seems like OMGITHASTOBETHISWAYORELSE … but really, in reality — and I do mean True Reality. It doesn’t matter.

Yellow will still be yellow, and pink will still be pink, and the sun will still rise in the east… Infinite cosmic power, itty bitty living space.

Breathe.

So it was another day, I got to hear from a very good friend of mine today, and listen in on her dramas. Sometimes, well often in fact, its nice to do this … Just sit back and listen, and be thankful that the experiences of others are not mine. Both for the challenges and the triumphs… not mine. Mine are my own, unique, and utterly insignificant to others 😉

Human, the ultimate spec of dust.

I did have a funny epiphany on the way home – as I was suffering with a mean mean case of emotional eating craving… I think that needs an acronym going forward.. EEC, yeah I had a bad case of EEC. What a world it would be if I could turn my compass, and direct my EEC at exercise instead of eating. I’d be the most fit person in the whole world. Maybe this is what my friends – the ones I’ve dubbed “fitness nuts” are really doing – maybe there is some secret power to re-form that EEC… I remember snip-its — yes I’m getting old — of a scifi episode where the were a mutation re-writing dna and mutating people into other things… maybe I just need that thing-a-may-bobber to change my filter from food to fitness… from hungry to healthy… from weight (the belly type) to weight (the lifting type)… Flab to Fit… hrmmm amazing how many of the letters are so close together… why has this never occurred to me before?

It must be another one of those imaginary lies… you know the type … I have had many in my history… maybe emotional eating really used to be emotional exercise, but people were having heart attacks or pulling muscles, and so they decided “just eat away that pain”… hrmmm I can’t even fathom how that could have occurred, but imagination is a wonderful thing.

Will have to give this some more thought.

General, Health, Learning, Spiritual

Taste of life

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The taste of sunrise, the taste of morning breath, the taste of that first sip of coffee, the taste of the feeling of having overeatten, feeling miserable overly full… The Taste of relaxation, the taste of tears from overflowing rush of emotions… the Taste of sorrow, of Grief, of Joy, elation, excitement, of surprise… The tastes of life..

Books, Family, General, Health, Learning, Spiritual, Stream of Consciousness

Mad Caucus race and other round maps

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The Caucus Race

Another good quote is: “Everytime she finds a minute thats the minute they begin it” — From Disney’s Cinderella.

Time for a brain dump, or so my guides have indicated to me. I seem to be a bit of a slacker about this, and seem to like to be overly melodramatic about “waiting” to post, when really its just pure slacker.

Reading a very interesting book about Habits – why we have them and how to shape form mold them. “The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and …”
It is definitely providing some much needed food for thought about where I am and how to get to where I want to go, whilst also explaining the where I detoured and what caused those patterns.

Many things going on, not sure where to start. We took the trip to NY – and it was educational – it is not a place I would chose to return, hopefully the universe does not require this of me. It was not a horrible trip, in the sense that I accomplished what I had hoped, and found pleasure in the little things – it was however much more of a working trip then a vacation.

Speaking of working – Stress is an interesting beast. Its definitely a lower elemental form, and while it is a highly enticing title and description to utilize, best to not give this one any more power than necessary. There is really no such thing as stress for me, there are conditions I am able to accommodate with the tools I have at present, and there are conditions that are beyond my ability to handle and require me to learn rapidly new tools. This year has been greatly filled with the latter, and while it would seem like a welcome condition to request more of the former, I am evolved enough to recognize that there is a balance in both, and while I do not perceive the balance at this moment in time, it is progressing as it should.

We have a new pool – its P’s pool really, for me its somewhat a chlorinated heavily hot tub. That is not to say I am unhappy about the pool – more that its urgency and need was not my own driving force. It certainly is nice, and it will especially be nice on cold winter evenings and weekends. P has been using it extensively, which is quite nice to see – score another one for me about knowing and timing.

Right now it feels to me like I’m on one of those very very long road trips, where the journey is more than halfway over, but the brunt of the trip is still lying ahead. There are some lag times, long times of very little scenery and quite moments ore reflection, but they seem to be frequently punctured by the noise of horns, blares of sirens, and general ambient lively distractions.

I did a stupid female thing the other weekend. I was turning and missed an extra median in the road, and drove my little electric car over the curb – popping both the front and rear driver side tires. While I was quite blessed that it was only the tires that were popped, having no damage to the car itself or even the rims, it was a quiet respite, it was an unusual condition to have some what of an enigma in the sense that I had done something “dumb” that afforded me the luxury of something I had highly craved. Quiet time to contemplate.

They are doing renovations at my “Muggle Job” – to coin a phrase my dear sister has started using, and I decided I have found it endearing. My Muggle Job is doing office renovations. They managed to blow up enough dust and dirt to make nearly the entire department sick. Many of us were out for almost a week – I guess this is what comes from turning a warehouse into an office with the lowest possible margin of cost. Not to say it was cheap – heh far from it.

This would be the same Muggle Job that sees fit to give and to take from me nearly in the same breath on a repeating schedule of oddity. Promote here, Punish there – Reward here, Chastise there — I don’t get it. Sufficed to say, I’ll leave it up to the muggles to figure it out, and spend more of my time and energy focusing on the important things in life.

As I mentioned previously, the universe is driving me towards decisions about a few things, but presenting me with challenging opportunities to clearly decide things. For example, for this coming weekend, there were actually 4 available opportunities for me to allocate my time. Two of them being clearly down one path, and two being clearly down the other.

Each day, I begin to feel more and more like Alice in the wonderland of life – verses feeling like the caterpillar or the Red Queen – both of which I have felt in the past for extended periods of time.

I remember a play many many years back that I saw in Orlando – a semi small stage performance of a re-written version of Frankenstein – there was one part of the production that was particularly dramatic – the main character was huddled down, and three other performers were circling around as if the voices inside ones head, chanting loudly “Who are you, What are you, Why are you” over and over to a beat of a crescendo. Lately I’ve been feeling more and more like that huddled figure. Not so much that the questions are the same, but that sense of overwhelming space enclosure has been amping itself up. — This was a queue from my mind that it was time to blog, and I chose to ignore it until it reached a numbing point.

Life feels alot like a roller coaster, from the line through the wait, through the anticipation, the picking of the seat, the start of the engine, up the first hills, around the bends, and over the fast turns and twists, back to the station and exiting to start at the line again. Endless cycle of known possibilities repeating in a fresh perspective over and over again.

The barista at my favorite Starbucks the other day tried to explain to me how Starbucks Green Tea had more caffeine then coffee — and I laughed and tried softly to educate him to the difference – did some research, and while I realized I was indeed correct it has significantly less — less than 1/4 the amount of caffeine of an equal amount of coffee — I realized that it just didn’t matter. At the moment when we were having the discussion, in the drive thru line when he was trying vehemently to get his point across — to the point when I bothered to take the time to look up the actual numbers. Being Right doesn’t matter.

Commissioned an artist to create a Soul Mandala for me back a few months ago, and reached out to her because it seemed as if it were being delayed. She expressed that she had some difficulties, and had restarted the work twice – apparently my soul is more varied then any she had previously worked with – and while she was struggling with some personal challenges, it was assisting her and helping her to develop tools. She expressed gratitude for being able to do this work for me, and at the opportunity to meet with me and my soul. The work is still not finished. While I have no doubts that she is the real deal, in terms of having seen and experienced other of her art work – and I also understand the need of an artist to have an open window of time, the business person that my Muggle Job has cultivated — this person never existed before this particular Muggle Job – is struggling with feeling the need to be overly protective. Its an odd sensation to be balancing two sides of my personality to find a happy medium. I embrace the need of time for achievement of the highest possible good.

We have had the same cleaning lady for many years now, after a string of cleaning staff that stole from us and or did not perform a very adequate job. This lady is kind, and a hard worker and her rate is both within what we can afford, and a rate that we feel is adequately compensating her for her time. We have a cleaning lady because cleaning is not something I particularly relish – and while she doesn’t do a spot on perfect job, she does the rudimentary tasks of cleaning, allowing for the time to expand upon her works for both P & I while still affording us luxury time – the benefits of having a muggle job that can afford this luxury. This cleaning lady has a mischievous side, she likes to move things around in the house in the interest of “straightening” – and she has trained us both to clean up before she comes, for fear of having her “hide” things we might need in the immediate future. Overall her regular routine visits have kept our house presentable, tidy and trained us into some nice habits. Lately however, I’ve been having this sense of doubt. Like its time to stop having her clean the house. While I recognize part of this is from the need to take on some of the actual cleaning portion she performs – I would be much more acceptable to this, if it weren’t for the Muggle part of my mind starting to infringe on my head with all sorts of nonsense doubts about the value of the service and whether or not our house is safe.

Have been seeing alot of Dragonflies and Dameselflies lately – looked up the meaning in animal speak and its spot on – I suspect this is a new animal totem for me. It is also the reason that it became part of my tattoo from the trip to NY – the pink lotus with the blue dragonfly representing a balance to the experience and the rite of passage being achieved.

S has been quite interesting lately. It seems he has decided he would like another dog. He has decided until we get him another dog to micromanage, he will micromanage P & I both. He has exhibited more behaviors of trying to train us. While I still dearly miss both Rommel & Sasha, he is an interesting family Member to have around.

General, Learning, Spiritual, Stream of Consciousness

My first concert, and other forms of destiny

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Lyric from a Billy Joel song “I’m in a New York state of mind” — this lyric Finally makes sense to me now…. Heh, somehow I don’t know if thats a good thing of not yet. I decided to follow some unrelated yet seemingly to me completely related advice a friend gave me about keeping a journal with a name on teach page.

The advise was actually about doing distance Reiki – and its extremely effective, but I also decided, since a small 3×5 moleskin is easy to carry, it makes a good stream of consciousness filter for me.

First, mea culpa to any of my friends for negative spew the past few days – I can’t promise that its over, but I do feel it will be significantly more minimized at this point.

So, we have a vacation in NY – well its a complete vacation for me, although technically spiritually its a working vacation – does one every really get a spiritual vacation prior to death? Not certain I really want to think too much more about that, because the answer doesn’t really matter much for my life.

In anycase, this is a learning experience for me. Sometimes in life those are positive, many many times they are challenging. This is one of the later.

Learned a very interesting tool, for distance traveling – to utilize distance Reiki to make the trip — Smoother? – that seems like it, easiest way to specifically scientifically quantify it, like when the stars align and things go just right… One small minor hiccup was that in sending the distance energy through visualization, I somehow or for whatever reason neglected the “actual” take off and landing… So the energy ride was sort of bumpy in those moments, as my consciousness shifted in and out of the stream I’d prepared for the journey. Wild trip.

From the moment we got to the park and ride, things were just – easier. The shuttle picked us up as it usually does, but was a little less crowded, the people were a little more subdued, and were a little less busy body then usual. There was no line at the Jet Blue check in, and we were able to instantly get our bags checked, tags written and labeled, and boarding passes. While we had the upgraded seating for the speed pace, there was literally NO line through security. We walked right in and the TSA was waiting for us to arrive. Only had a few things to pull out of the bag, and the whole check was in a blink of the eye. The gate was close, and we got water right outside of the security. Bathroom was on the way to the gate.

We parked at the gate for a little longer than normal, due to having literally no delays in arrival. The plane was early! We were last to board, due to being in the front, and we boarded literally 5 minutes before take off, and the flight left a wee bit early. The steward not only greeted me, but made a human connection with me, and getting the seat belt extender for P was no trouble at all. The stewardess was friendly and kind, the drink and snack service was fast, and while I had realized early Friday Morning that the episodes of NCIS I had on my IPad were ones I’d already watched (I love watching NCIS on plane rides, its sort of a personal ritual tradition) – Jet blue had TV, and the first channel I flipped to had NCIS playing at the beginning of an episode, which followed with 3 other episodes. Sure I had commercials, but even those weren’t terrible annoying – most were for web sites, social media, or for future tv shows. Was sort of surreal. The snacks were even mildly healthy.

Flight landed 20 minutes early. Yes, I typed that correctly 20 full minutes early. We got to the luggage area, and even picking up the suitcases was a breeze.

We got a cab and the only snag was Phil decided spontaneously to add an extra stop along the way to see his old neighborhood. It took us a little deviation on the trip, which caused us to hit more traffic and not arrive at the hotel for another 2 hours.

The hotel – ah the hotel – such an enigma. If I were a single women, this would be THE spot to be. It is truly an artists paradise. The decor and charm of this place are on par with the hotel I stayed in with my boss in Malmo (The Savoy right off the train station)

The room is quite small. When I say this I must confess that having 2 bodies trying to share it – two tech bodies trying to share this space makes it stepping over each other. (As I type this I’m enjoying a spot of tea in the lobby) P & I both agree that the entire room is about the size of our bathroom at home. Its approximately 150sq ft with a Queen bed in the middle. There is barely enough room to walk around the 3 sides of the bed, and literally no storage space. There is a small closet area by the door, that has a mini bar, and a small suitcase stand, and a hanging rack for clothes. I’ve commandeered this area and unpacked my clothes onto the upper top shelf in the space. It feels very much like stepping over each other. The bathroom is not a bad size. There is actually a nice amount of room in there both around the sink, and in the shower. The tile is marble and its really elegant. The fixtures are all bronze, and they are well cared for, and old style – the sink especially with a nozzle that turns around, its very — well it makes me feel in touch with the writers of old that have stayed in this place.

We enjoyed a fabulous dinner the first night in the restaurant, local organic fare that apparently changes on a regular basis, and was all very very good. The service was also quite noteworthy, all of the staff at the hotel have been more than kind, seeking to make the experience very intimate and cozy at the same time. They have these enormous Key’s with the concept that you leave your room key when you step out for the day or evening, and pick it back up when you return. In this day and age, its a concept I have difficulties adopting, but the 50$ lost key fee does make it alittle enticing even to me.

The hotel also provides a complimentary continental breakfast – and this is actually a quite nice one. Its a nice take on a choice between yogurt/granola/fruit & pastries/jam/honey — both with a choice of coffee/juice. We have splurged both mornings and supplemented breakfast with an egg/chicken/kale dish that has been well worth the price. All of the portions are generous. They also have a house made almond milk cappuccino that is divine.

Its really not possible to find something unpleasant to say about the hotel other than the size of the room, and this is only uncomfortable from the perspective of being able to hide away from the bustle and game 🙂 so I suppose this is the universe telling me “No World of Warcraft for you” — I actually was able to log in and play, but sitting on the bed, with the laptop on my lap and trying to balance my mouse is just not “fun” in any stretch of the word.

P & I both had a list of things we wanted to see here in NY – there were precious few that made both my list and his list – one of the rare dual objectives was a trip to the secret stash. So yesterday, we braved the highland ferry and a cab ride to Red bank to make a visit to one of our favorite director/comedian/actor/comic book store aficionado’s infamous comic book store. The secret stash. The place was well worth the trip, it was nostalgic to walk through, not to mention I picked up a few Neil Gaiman books for the flight home 🙂

The trip taught me a few things about myself, about NY, about NYers, about NJ – and did I mention yet we had an amazingly racist cab driver on the way back to the Ferry? He apparently owns land in Texas, and I guess the fact that we were white seemed to give him license to feel comfortable expressing his very toxic views. Small world indeed.

The ferry at sunset was truly an inspiring site though – seeing the bridges with the lights, and the statue of liberty lite up – she is much smaller than I’d imagined. Its hard to think of her as small, except she is dwarfed by the skyline of skyscrapers literally overshadowing her.

Truly funny moment today, and an odd thing that occurred. We have a joke in Texas that before anything gets built, there is a pile of dirt. This is a notorious “pile of dirt” – because it basically takes until the dirt starts to have green grass, and sometimes trees sprouting out of it, until they will actually start breaking ground on the construction. Riding past a construction site here in NY for a “new” skyscraper – there was a huge huger hole in the ground — so apparently before construction starts in NY they get a crater. Pile of Dirt = Texas Hole in the ground = New York.

The second thing on our mutual lists, is what filled our day today – to take a city tour. Basically to “find” where his conference is this week, this was a snap – then find where we picked up the city tour bus and ride it around. While I am having some trouble with the sheer crowds of people, I’m having many many moments of simulated panic in my head from the feeling of being trapped on an island with more than 8 million strangers. The city tour actually helped me put that a little bit down. Being on the top, in the back of a double decker bus, it was easy to “see” and “experience” the city, from the relative safety of a slightly elevated perspective. It was probably one of the best things we could have done for me.

Had a friend tell me before this trip that the “food” here – if I avoided chain restaurants – was “fabulous” — well, I understand what she was intending by her comments, but I did have some interesting experiences. The first was the steak dinner P & I had last night in red bank – I mean I know we both tend to be a little frisky when it comes to spending when we are traveling, particularly when we are out trying new places, but the bill including tip was over 300$ thats a tad high even for us. While the food was good, some of it quite good, it still seemed a little bit higher than the value. Today, also we sort of got overcharged for food – which apparently included an over priced tip into the bill, where the service was lacking. Its not the food was “bad” its just it wasn’t as good as the other stuff I’ve had, and certainly hard to justify for the price.

Still have a few other “things” I want to try out while we are here, not the least of which is a slice of true NY style pizza. — I’ve also been told to have cheesecake at Carnegie deli.

Some other quote/impressions from my journal below:

~ Day 1 – Drank enough last night at dinner to knock me out 🙂
~ so so so many people
~ P = weird dreams
~ me = many interruptions
~ busy –> always in motion
~ sunrise in NY = earlier
~ Too many cars makes for sickening cab rides
~ too many heartbeats = too much chaos = nausea

~ Day 2 – Being thankful is a coping mechanism here
~ They spray deodorants to mask the smells of life … clog the pores & toxin increases… its like picking up one grain of sand to clean up the beach
~ missing time = long delays (we missed the first ferry yesterday by 2 minutes)
~ they rent bikes all over the place… but you have to return to the same place as you pick them up?
~ so many confusing conflicting thoughts
~ Red bank notes:
~ Too much steak (42 oz we split)
~ Too much money (300$)
~ waitress was really named Britany
~ cloggers in the street? They were good?
~ Cab Company took 45 minutes to pick us up after we called? (Charging too much in terms of time)
~ racist cab driver
~ Starbucks across from Secret Stash 🙂
~ got to see my favorite comic men people
~ People on the ferry are very very trusting
~ why do NY peeps take bags full of trash from the NJ beach and put in ferry trashcans??? Saw like 10+ peeps do this
~ Everyone on the ferry buying the overpriced greasy ferry cheese pizza.
~ everyone drinking and drinking and drinking
~ tab water in NY isn’t bad? how weird is that/!?
~ Staten Island bridge & Connie Island all light up at night are beautiful

~~~~~~~~~~
Thats enough for now, sufficed to say– Definitely get the “NY state of mind” now…

General, Health, Learning, Stream of Consciousness

Failure is a step in the process

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Lessons are not always a pleasant experience. Sometimes they are painful, gut wrenching, heart burning, stress inducing situations. It is from these most unpleasant gems of existence that some of the finest more treasured diamonds manage to spark forth.

To quote the finale title of a favorite series “All good things…”

The beautiful part about that is, whether its a good or a bad — every lesson eventually comes to its close. The goal is to have learned the lesson, mastered the skill or message, and not have to experience precisely that same situation again.

Sometimes I’m hard headed, sometimes my ego decides I am above the experience, above the lesson. This is not the case, in these instances, I often must repeat the lesson, to help me gain better clarity. Usually these repeats are somewhat more nasty and more grueling then the first time.

Atleast in my life, I’ve found — if I’m able to accept gracefully the lesson I am being taught, the outcome is usually significantly more favorable and desired then if I’m dragged kicking and screaming to the outcome. The outcome remains the same, but my experience and resistances causes a loss of other opportunities.

I’ve been led to a crossroads recently – a fork in the road is not exactly appropriate, more the expression would be the Tower from the tarot — “The necessary removal of something” – its time for me to change jobs. I have been “wanting” this crossroads for a significant amount of time, but it wasn’t until just recently that the stars have aligned in a somewhat manner of speaking to show me a pathway towards this new experience.

Much like many new experiences, I’m nervous. Not so much afraid, I have plenty of support in this decision, and it will not be a fast process, it will likely be a up and down emotional process for the whole interview, application, screening, waiting process — but its time. There is no uncrossing this bridge now that I’ve reached it.

Was talking to a friend, and former colleague about this today over lunch. How choosing to remain would be detrimental to my health, it is more taxing on me each day I remain. I count it as a blessing that the time to transition has arrived, I hope that it works out with haste and grace.

This transition should remove me from an environment that has become stagnant for an area of my life I had not realized required transition. I’m glad that this realization has come to me, and that I will be able to journey down this new path. It will be a difficult road to traverse, but I have confidence that I will persevere.

General, Health, Learning, Spiritual, Stream of Consciousness

Wild Ones…

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And other things from Florida — or rather Flo Rida – who knows– maybe its all the same thing.

My brain has decided, when I go too long without taking a moment to download back up to this blog, it will start to suddenly give me memory crashing errors. Twice today — You know those moments when you suddenly completely, in the midst of expressing something specific completely lose the thought, the whole ball park of where you were going, and what was intended….. or when your walking somewhere to do something – ask something specific — and you get halfway there and can’t recall why, who, what, where or when you were going… at all – no trace, no bread crumbs.

Here’s to bread crumbs! Not only do the make amazing meatloaf, but they also do pretty well for so many other things in a pinch.

Riding tonight, there was a sexy guy on a bike; you know the type, tight jeans, black bike, cowboy boots, quite quite fit, with a black billowing t-shirt with angel wings in silver on the back. Including the sword. When you think about whether or not angels are among us, stop asking if, and start considering that maybe they aren’t exactly where you expect or what you expect to see.

It made me laugh no doubt about it.

Books: reading one, I think I actually read it a few years back, however my mind decided it was time to pick it up again and start it over again. “Many Lives, Many Masters” by Brian Weiss — great book, many thoughts about this one….

So I’m taking a reiki certification class in two weeks, and my mind is still running though the lessons I need to refresh before this class, trying to clear and cut and go in with a fresh perspective. I do think its an interesting phenomena that once you start down a path the coding in Google sort of starts sending you all sorts more of that particular path, its sort of like “Hey you liked that one link, how about these other 50billion?” …. Really? I already decided that I was going to do this … no need to inundate me and make me question my decision. Where are the links for synergies instead?

Tried an interesting — ODD — yet interesting restaurant today. Inchin’s Bamboo Garden — They had a buffet for lunch, which was priced reasonable, the service was quite good – it was just sort of an enigma. It was Asian style Indian food. Sort of a fusion of Indian and Chinese, with more of a significant lean towards Chinese. Quite tasty selections, just quite odd.

Got an invitation for a crystal class this weekend at Natures Treasures, and am sort of torn about whether or not to take the time to attend. Lots going on right now both with home, work and spirit. More information while always nice, is threatening to exceed overload.

Dunno, have been sort of having difficulty lately with priorities. There are so many things to do, that it just seems like I want to sit back and watch for a while, and laugh and smile more. Its not so much a lack or undesire for motivation, its more that the laughing and smiling just seems higher priority then focus and resolve.

So many happy things going on all over the place, so many changes so many interesting evolutions in life going on.

Had a conversation about missing someone the other day — with the husband about his mother. I indicated that I missed her, but not as much I miss my dog. I qualified it to express that it wasn’t that I didn’t miss her, I do a good deal, but I miss the comforting presence of my pooch more. This caused him to consider and he indicated he missed her more than his pooch. It was just one of those somehow comforting conversations where discussing together brought more peace about the missing. Kind of like one of those misery loves company sort of things, but more of a positive type, where there was comfort in knowing that it was a shared experience.

Have a trip planned for August to NY – and I’m nervous. Its not in my top 10 list of places, while its probably in the top 100 — I don’t actually have a top 100 list yet, maybe thats a project for another day…. Its probably on the list. Still Nervous. We are not renting a car, and its crowded with many many many people. Not a huge fan of dark cavern like things of subways, and not a high love of mass transit or taxi’s. Guess I’m in for a culture shock in my own country! Coupled with the fact that its not likely I manage to get to do the few couple of things I’d actually like to do in NY – hook up with a friend from the Ridge last year — see the Statue of Liberty — Go to the Met — Go to Gordon Ramsey’s restaurant…. Since its unlikely I’ll get to do most of those things, I’m equally not excited. There is a conference there, which is the reason for going. I’m just a tag along, so its not especially costly for me to tag along, and it is a trip.

Tomorrow we head over to some of our family people’s house for dinner, very looking forward to the catch up time. We have been trying to get onto a routine the past few years, somewhat sporadically successfully — spotty at best, but time passes one way or the other, and we have such great family. So much to learn from each other.

Enough for now, my brain feels like its empty – maybe next time I’ll listen and blog before it decides to pull a Cntrl+Alt+Delete on me…. Lesson learned, I got the message, kkthx.