So I had a birthday yesterday – and it like everything in the world right now was fraught with incredible highs and incredible lows. The advantage of being in my “middle years” is recognizing that this is the balance of living in the chaos.

I could chose to “not” live in the chaos, but I’ve found atleast in my life and experiences that while this is ridiculously boring and monotonous, the balance is not particularly any more pleasant here just less extreme – like you still have just as many bad and neutral encounters, you just miss out on so so many of the sheer bliss ones – because they don’t balance with what and where you are currently residing.

I’ve also seemed to find that healing lives in the chaos. Or atleast the healing I am using to keep myself alive. I have plans. Alive is the only way that these come to fruition, so they are sorta a requirement that is so baseline as to be neutral. “Step one: Alive Step two: Step three Fruition/profit” == going to take a transliteration from the underpants gnomes and live my best life, with a plan in mind.

This weekend will be my S’mores party. So so looking forward to this!! P made me a test run one last night, and we have decided Double Stuffed smores are only for the marshemello inclined – also seem to need to cook less – it was such a great gesture, and made me smile.

Flowers came yesterday and its so amazing how pretty it brightens up the space – my rose bushes in the front reminded me that the cold didn’t bother them too much – still crossing fingers on the rosemary.

Overall, life is good.