So there is a part in the little engine that could – where the engine is working up this hill with the mantra “I think I can I think I can” — and then there is a part in alot of the fast and furious movies, with the engines reviving – and also happy days from way way back – where the multiple engines are going – and I hear that sound of the little engine – much like the Poop from south park going “Hiddey ho” – I think the poop is the same voice as the little engine or atleast it is in my head – that voice “I think I can” with all those reviving engines knowing they can – I’m like a combo of that voice, and those engines – its a race against myself – we are winning. We are going to win – its just there are alot of little battles along this path.

There is something ironic about my believing that the “Hiddey Ho” voice and the little engine that could “go” are the same – with the overall constipation I’m feeling – Come on team! Lets go, lets go!

I digress. Had my first massage since the incubation days in home exile. Also had my first Acupuncture treatment. Both were wonderful. Helpful for so many of the little things – little symptoms that have been bringing me down. 80’s song reference here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4c_SkROzzo -Aint nothing gonna break my stride.

Water the spice of life – it always makes me think of Dune – Arakis water planet. In past moments in my life circa de cancer – I would remember, anytime one of these minor little “tifts” would show up in my body – that it was a signal for “hey drink more water” – I don’t know why this has shifted, now more than ever I NEED more water. The little “tifts” are the same – weird pain here, weird headache or pressure there, weird crap here — all “drink more water” make the thing go poof. But now, they all trigger my mind to worry – rather than saying “Hey go drink more water Charlie Brown” – by the way, thats my grandfather channeling in – which he was never a good water drinker which is what kinda makes it pretty amusing to me for him to be telling me “go drink more water” but his favorite flowers, Marigolds – they are – well I think this flower would honestly enjoy having one of those perpetual drips on it for water – I know I feed it a gallon of water a day plus the rain its been getting and it is just LOVING it. So lesson assimilated – atleast for the moment – until I next – soon – channel dory and “just keep swimming” – Drink more water.

I got P to watch Finding Nemo – and he had so so many aha moments about my using Dory as my champion for these days. All the times that I have said “just keep swimming” or – sorry honey, I’m dory today – now they make sense. Thank you universe for allowing me to get him on board with watching this – it only took 1.5 hour foot massage – something I enjoy doing anyway.

Overall life is great. I am feeling better, just still so weak. I know this will get better. Each morning I wake from a sound long sleep feeling just a little more like I have some umpf to take into the day. It is definately a fight right now, There is a mantra that Deepak Chopra Quote: “Every decision I make is a choice between a grievance and a miracle.” I feel many times each day that this is the place where I am. I had accepted this mantra years ago, and the truth of it is setting me free right now. Ever one of these moments of being less strong, less endurance, restful, is a choice to enjoy the miracle of of my being alive.

I got to see the sunset the other day, and the sunrise too. I can’t go out and hug them yet from a distance without covering my head – still have to keep it covered from the last radiation. But soon I will be able to embrace the sun from the distance for these wonderful blessings it provides of beauty, warmth, comfort, constance, and happiness. I am so grateful for its love and the love of all the people and places it touches.

I am transliterating someone else’s work in this paragraph – mostly because I do not know the name of the source, and P is working. He reads Stories online – and he told me one of the ones he has been enjoying. It starts with the main character dying and going to heaven. Where he encounters Dog. The character says “Dog? Really” – and Dog answers him and says, of course Dog – why do you think I sent all my angels down to earth to comfort, soothe, protect, and provide you with my unconditional love. — This made me cry, thinking of all the dogs/angels I have had in my life – and the current love I get from my current angel Starbuck. For me it’s totally believable that dogs are angels. While it hasn’t been a part of my belief system – it doesn’t seem to conflict or work contradictory to the things I believe so my angel pup is just the one I have for now.

Looking forward to spending time with peeps for the long weekend. Looking forward to enjoying the time together. So blessed for the many treasures in my life right now.

We got to do some mini projects for P the last few days, and while they were in tiny bitsized time/effort things, the results are huge. The house just feels so much more – nicer – he feels it too, and I’m hopeful to keep on taking these projects down in small bits.

Just want to share the love I feel for all the bright people, angels, and generally hopeful optimistic spirits in my life. Thank you, your heart, prayers, love and positive thoughts are a blessing I appreciate. Thank you for filling my soul and helping rejuvenate my body. I’m a work in progress, keep believing, I am.