So I’m doing this radical remission workshop – and there was a day I was truly dreading – yesterday – it was on exercise and movement. Its one on my “I need to give more attention to this” so I should have been excited, but I was nervous. From the beginning of the session my nerves went away, as with all of the sessions, its being handled with loving grace, and this was no exception. Both of the teachers were great, but the second one had a sharing/activity and it was so so amazing. She was doing a seated yoga/qigong/lymph drainage that was just amazing. I started this session in mild pain – around a 3 or 4 – and after this exercise, not only was the pain gone completely but I was super energized, it felt like rays of light were flowing down from the heavens and floating down all of my chakras and filling me with this incredible healing energy. It was just amazing. I was also nervous about the session tomorrow on diet – until she mentioned it was going to include a cooking demonstration – now I am super hyped.
Its amazing to me how my mind can build up these mountains of things that are just silly. Even my mind knows them as silly but its so so difficult to try and convince myself “these are silly” – luckily with the fuzziness right now, its often just easier to say “yeah I don’t care enough about this to old on to it” – I wish this technique had more long term sister techniques that I could master – if they are there, they have not been led to me yet. I can feel that the “not caring” method will only work where we are at the bottom of this mountain, once I have more reserves rebuilt I can see that my mind will try and fight this, thank gosh for new climbs to atleast scrub some things off the plate.
So potassium level was good yesterday! Yeah team. Now I can start to reduce a little, which feels great – I skipped dose last evening, and I laugh about this now, but apparently its Magnesium I really need, because I woke up after 4 hours of sleep and had to literally fight my inner child about “we are NOT getting up now” – but but but “No, absolutely not” – after about 6 meditations, I finally fell back asleep for another few hours, and woke up with some semblance of reasonable amount of time in bed, resting. Inner child loves to “play” and that involves getting up and embracing the day. Its hard to tell her no, she is so positive and so vital to my life.
So many amazing and powerfully positive people have come into my life lately – feels pretty amazing. They have all these gifts and sharings for me, and its so so helping. At a time when my reserves are so low, the universe is bolstering me – its almost like its saying “I got you girl, you keep fighting” — Winning has never been so tiring 🙂 It does feel like I’m doing a marathon though, and I’m definitely over halfway 🙂 feels pretty great to know that the hardest, worst parts are over, just gotta keep fighting thru to get to the next step of my life at the end of this chapter soon.
Got to engage with an incredible woman last night in my breakout sessions that gave me hope in a way very few people can do – She was 78 and I would have placed her by look and her energy life at my age – or younger. She was so vibrant – her cancer journey was many years ago, and apparently she is one of the survivor stories in the first book – Radical Remission by Kelly Turner – She got to share a little of her journey, and some tools relating to our exercise that night, she was very knowledgable.
P & I have been doing just some amazing things – our relationship is going thru one of those highs right now – its almost like a rebirth. He has been so so helpful especially when I am feeling so low, to help pick up the slack and keep me positive. I’ve been able to help him work thru some of his own challenges and while they aren’t gone, he is just alot more aware of them and able to wrestle them on his own.
I have so so many friends and family that are just overwhelming me with support, its so helpful. Was talking to my therapist today in our session about the fact that I’m starting to recognize when my mind is threatening to overwhelm me with woes. And I’m starting to be able to redirect this using the tools I have available. Also came to a realization last night in talking to P.
I’ve had a challenge with medicines. I don’t like taking them. I thoroughly understand the side effects, and I don’t want them lol so easier to avoid them. However, that being said, right now in my situation, the medicines are not only necessary they are more good than harm. While this may not always be the case, I have had to tell myself over and over again to STFU and just take it. To stop trying to control the quantities, and the dosage, to stop fighting the doctors to reduce remove and such and just take them as I need them. The revelation last night was that I don’t view supplements the same way. I take between 16-24 supplements daily – have for 3+ years, with the exceptions of times to allow the chemo drugs to work better, or to allow radiation to be more effective – where I have removed ones that would conflict with the treatments, or stopped for X number of days during treatments.
Back to point – I take these supplements, and I do not view them as “get this out of my life” – I view them with constructiveness of “I need these” – and the reframe was “the medications are the same right now” – I can’t say I completely am onboard this train, but it did open up a path way or two in my mind to silence things. We will see if it allows me a tool to make my mind join the team and calm down for a bit. Its very interesting to me, because I know I have the energy tools and my intuition is NOT the one telling me to worry about these meds right now. Its purely my mind, I have for many years cultivated this “no no drugs” in my mind – and for as smart as my mind is – well present situation excluded – its kinda a lemming – it follow the path until I block or remove it with a reframe. — Thanks Dr B for helping me recognize this tool.
So I’m learning to help my mind relax – somehow my meditation doesn’t always do this- go figure. Learning how to help it find less manic states, and learning how to embrace that slower is better – often for me right now.
In the words of Scarlett O’Hara – Tomorrow is another day.
One thought on “contingencies and then hope”
Your posts are a good reminder to each of us to assess, relax, reassess and allow positive outcome. I thank you!