So I have animal totems, these are – well this is a good link – not 100% my thoughts of the wording, but pretty good. Animals that have lessons or information for me in my life journey. Microsoft, has started doing these screen things to show pretty pictures. My picture today was of a snowy owl – one of my totems. I have enjoyed the fact that the picture takes you to a page to learn more about “the picture” – so I learned some interesting things I didn’t know about this particular “animal guide/totem” for me.

They have, snowy owls, when fully spanned – a 5 foot wing span – basically the thing is almost as wide spanned as I am tall – I’m a little taller but geez thats big. Crazy big for a bird that is somewhat small in stature and appearance. Sorta made me reflect and contemplate all of my animal friends.

I have known for a while that I need to be getting my animal tattoos to go on my life compass, but its challenging because the risk vs reward is high at this time with the health challenges. The reward will be great once its done, but the risk of infections, exposures, or “things” is not worth it right now. So I just have so much information coming from them from other sources that is sometimes hard to process, and I have to “Just keep swimming” – aka “Alethia does Dori”

Yesterday I helped P accomplish a goal that was super important for him to do this past weekend, and I didn’t realize in the moment that I way way overdid it. I realized about twenty minutes later, when my body flooded with all the things that normally wouldn’t be bad, but for me are really not particularly good. I was suddenly just feeling horrible, and tired. Good news is, I recognized it was probably just having overdone it, but man it still didnt’ really feel like overdoing it.

Its very hard right now, because physical exertion is just well, its very very easy for me to overdo it. I slept for a solid 12 hours last night, and woke up well sleepy and tired, but feeling alot better – but also sore and realizing “Oh thats why you felt like crap yesterday, you overdid it” — its so nice to be able to understand the feeling like crap even when it is in hindsight. Suspecting something, and having big signs that say “this is what it is” are two entirely different things. It was just kinda nice to wake up sore – which just seems funny to say. I also felt better from overdoing it – but man better vs feeling like crap is a hard hard pill to swallow. Gotta take it slow. Babysteps is an understatement.

It feels more like I’m taking in vitro steps – or better – the Genie in the lamp – infinite cosmic power, itty bitty living space. Smart me however, recognized the not feeling well and did a meditation on my biomat.

I use this software, Insight – and I’ve been doing this meditation by David Ji which is soothing and incredible. I have also not quite committed soundly to his 56 day challenge to change the structure of the brain – but I have done his meditation – well probably that many times in recent months. It is an incredible body scan meditation and his voice is just so relaxing and soothing. The biomat amplifies any intentions, and also its like the best heating mat ever. He allows me to relax into my breathing, and harness my chi to relax and resolve many of the little poky physical discomforts that are pulling at my sleeves.

Tried an experiment last week – have been going to a psychologist weekly for a while (I think its over 2 years at this point) and discussed/decided to try a week off to see if I’m ready to go to every other week. While I feel that it might be possible, right now in these society times where there is so much isolation, I think its probably best to keep it with the once a week times, and I’m super happy/excited for the session with her tomorrow. I have so many things I’ve walked thru, and I’m still tinkering over in my head – My head likes to loop – that is – my head likes to loop and loop and loop – with thoughts, ideas and things, and she is very good at helping me reframe, which by design of being something different, allows my head to release and let the thing go – for good, bad or indifferent – usually taking something bad and seeing it from the good, or the possibilities. My sessions with her are always helpful, and I have always left with a feeling of resolution, and positive possibilities.

Looking forward to the lecture series section tonight – its on exercise and movement – and I feel, with my particular enlightenment on “somethings are too much” from this weekend, it will be a GREAT opportunity to talk about this or get some possible suggestions. How do I get “some” without getting “too much” – how do I recognize “too much” before or in the moment so I don’t end up well, to use the spoons thing, my body let me know clearly yesterday – and unfortunately it was first thing – super early in the morning -that not only had I used up all the spoons for the day, I’d borrowed from the next day already, so tread lightly. It will be nice to have other peeps that have traveled along these challenges, or are in them now, to share their thoughts, experiences, and suggestions – there maybe some bread crumbs of wisdom to lead me along the path to my own further enlightenment. I am truly blessed to have this experience to poll from for my mind.

Now back to resting, and relaxing and recovering, before I figure out the next figurative mountain to work on climbing right now, that hopefully won’t overtax me but will challenge me in a way to build myself up physically. I’m excited to be helping my body heal and recover.