There is a song from one of my favorite musicals – Camelot – when the new / future queen is going to meet Arthur – and she is singing “its May” – Great song and it always seems to pop into my head this day – every year – this one is a particular one since I’ve found out that so many of my favorite people are expecting – the result of the lusty month of May a bit early 🙂 Babies to come all around.

Have had some weird interesting things lately – most of them just too bizarre even for me to blog. Suffice to say the rollercoaster of emotions is real, its been a up down and circular event for a solid week.

I go twice a week for a treatment/steroid shot and blood work – at this facility, they ask a litany of questions, and take my temp before I’m able to enter the facility – there was a new list of “questions” today – which I bust out laughing about — its not a funny thing – but the lady asked me “how is your appetite? are you experiencing a lack of hunger?” – I laughed because no, no I’m not. Can confirm, cookie monster is now living in my belly – well he is sharing space with the plant monster from little shop of horrors — feed me Alethia, feed me all day and night long.

Just perpetually hungry. When I eat, to the point of being “full” almost stuffed – which is actually kinda hard to do when your chewing every bite 35-40 times – you get full pretty quickly. – When I eat to the point of “full” or “stuffed” – it takes about 45 minutes before my stomach is like “we could eat again” 0r “man that xyz thing…” – usually heavy carb, sometimes with bad things in it – “… sure sounds tasty right now” — if I ignore this feeling – it tends to amplify over the next hour or so – and the longer I wait, the harder it is to redirect it to a “lets have a carrot or something else healthy instead”

Praying helps some – asking for divine intervention to get my cravings under control is helpful. Angels are the first to understand the bad temptations. So asking for some assistance, usually works pretty fast, and if its a true need to feed thing, suddenly something a tad healthier sounds a tad less icky.

Carbs are on the menu right now, only because something in the meds they are giving me – either the ones to prevent seizures, or the potassium/magnesium mega dose, or the chemo or the hormone suppression – something about this cocktail is making it so that the “bar” is serving carbs. This is great, I like carbs, we have been friends all my life – it seems fitting for them to be helping me heal.

I do feel like I’m healing, but man this chemo is harsh. This is the good week though, so just enjoying the time and the bliss.

Have quite a few friends, and most of them are staying safe, but some of them are having a more harsh time with the realities of quarantine. Truth be told it isn’t a walk in the park for me, but being as how I have to be out so much of the time for treatments I feel blessed to be able to have a valid and true reason to get out and enjoy the sun a couple times a week.

I remember in high school was the first time that the christian church heavily published a “day” when the end of the world was coming – it came and went and it made the next few times seem alot less prophetic. This however, does seem very revelationesq – maybe its noteworthy or a time I should re-read – just hate all the re-publications of the bible – the recent interpretations are … well they are alot harder to sift through the interpretations or propaganda and get to the message from god.

I read the quran a few years back – and it was interesting – like all hermetic texts – the messages in it were — well clearly inspired holding beauty and truth in allegory and prophetic text. Its worth noting, that my perspective on the bible should probably apply to this text as well, as I’m certain it has also had many interpretations that have in an attempt to make it mass ready and to convey a message been … transliterated with the best of intentions.

I wonder if there are any books that get revised that are NOT transliterated. I wonder which of them is more true in the transliteration. Makes me wonder about the bible as a whole, as it was translated so so so so so many times during the middle ages. Would be an enlightening and humbling experience to read the older versions. – Guess I’d need to be a catholic priest to have any hope of that – wrong sex I suppose.

Got a new spiritual job today, not exactly allowed to talk much about it, just supposed to “do” – actions always speak louder than words, and the comfort for me is – if your getting jobs, it means your not dying 🙂

I realized when I told someone this earlier today, the truth of it, and how it sort of inspired me – sometimes I do need an ego pat on the proverbial back — it was two years three months ago when I was given three months to live – still kicking – I’m like the human energizer bunny – I run on caffeine and hopes – Thank God the coffee still flows in this rough times – think god for P for finding and fetching me some of the creamer I most prefer for my coffee. Life is good. Keep me caffeinated and all things are possible

Many thank you’s and blessings to all the wonderful people in my life. I love you and I’m blessed to have you here. People make the world. Its people we enjoy, compete with, speak of, talk to, hug, adore, love, care about, worry about – they drive most of our emotions, most of our actions stem from them. Its people that drive us nuts, make us impatient, make us angry and drive us to do crazy things. Have to remember we love them, they are part of us, we are part of them, and with their help and love all things are possible. God watches us and has a plan, but he also gave us free will to make it harder or easier on ourselves. Gotta come together right now…. (its amazing to me how circular all lessons, all experiences and all emotions are…. Gotta keep flipping the circle back to best possible outcomes.)

Much Love, Much Light, much hope for days filled with overwhelming joy and boundless blessings of infinite possibilities.