So these good choices, are apparently going to be so inspiring so as to wake me from a sound speak with the need to be told.

Good choice that I would probably actually call number one, even though its showing up as number 2 which has a lot of ironic things in my world, but I have to say, call it one or two or call it overall “OMG ITS MOST IMPORTANT” one. It woke me, from a sound and restful sleep with a need to be told.

Good choice number 2 is a Therapist. A Psychologist that you pay money, weekly to sit down and listen to you whine, bitch, scream, cry, laugh or just lament about all the good, bad, amazing and life altering things that are going on in your life.

First I would like to point out, that anyone that knows me very much at all, would very easily laugh at me calling this a good choice.

I have been very very self aware for a long time, and I have a very profoundly well developed ego. So in my world, in my life I viewed this as a truly unnecessary thing. Fate tried, thru kind small movies and actions to lead to release the error of my ways. There are alot of really good Youtube and Ted Talks about how important this is, and how it really somewhat relates to having a bandaid on a bleeding wound. Having a therapist is just a no brainer.

It wasn’t until I had a recurrence of my cancer, and found a study in Germany that found that 85% of woman with a recurrent of hormone responsive therapies, being a particular personality type, and that personality type being Type C – which effectively means “people pleasers that are resentful – that please other people at the detriment of their own needs, goals, and aspirations, and recognize these as bad, but keep doing it anyway”

It wasn’t until I read this, and realized that wow, 85% meant it was “probably me” and the type C didn’t seem so far off from me to be a possibility and to recognize that after 46 years if I didn’t have a fix for this, maybe I need to at least consider that I wasn’t as much an expert as I’d thought, and maybe I needed to at least consult with someone who had spent their life work finding truth in life.

For me, Therapy started as me hunting for a therapist that was covered under my insurance, was less than 5 miles from my home, and had a Doctor – a PHD. Because personally, that vanity aspect, if I figured if I was going to talk to someone and share myself with them, they were going to have done enough annoying schooling and jumped thru enough hopes to be “qualified”. I figured a reporte was something that would come later.

In my findings, I happened to have a comical experience at first, because apparently my DR – there are 2 with the same last name, both doctors both covered under my insurance and both 5 minutes away from my house, and my GPS took me to the wrong doctor the first day. She was super kind, and while it was clearly not the right office, it was an office that could also have been the right office.

When I found my doctor, the one I had made the appointment with we laughed about this experience that first day and instantly a reporte was built.

I have been seeing this doctor weekly for over a year. And I can honestly tell you two things. One I have never had a bad therapy experience. There has never been a time, when the hour was up that I did not wish for more time, and that I did not l,eave in a lighter, happier more profoundly fulfilling space than I started. I have walked thru alot of dark places, and shared alot of really intensive information, but it has hands down always felt better to share it.

Second thing, I can honestly say, that this single step is one of the most critical steps for curing cancer, and for helping me as a person. I feel better after these sessions.

Its also worth mentioning for those with no therapy experience, and I can not speak to anyone else, or any other experience, or any other therapist, but I would imagine that my experience is how much “should” probably go. She doesn’t talk much. In the course of our meetings, our discourses, 90% of the talking is all me. Unlike my fears, or expectations she did not have a crystal ball of knowledge that she felt the need to share to “fix” something that was wrong or broken with me. There isn’t anything wrong or broken with me, I’m just fine the way I am. Her job this entire process has been to allow me to have a voice. To be heard. To speak my truth, and to hear it back myself. The few words or times she has spoken, has been to reframe or offer an alternative to how my thought process has evolved. To allow me to see a different perspective about something I am so sure is correct. This different perspective has always been without any agenda or intent, and I have felt quite confident that it would not have made any difference to her if I agreed or disagreed with her opinion and shared information. I am paying her for a service, and that service is to listen to me share my thoughts, privately and selectively and unbiasedly with her. I did not realize how critical this was, I did not realize how life altering this was, and I didn’t realize just like all those ted talks told me years ago, how much my world would improve by just these small baby steps.

Every week I go to her, spend my 35$ copay – at this point free since I have met my out of pocket deductible for the year, and I am so so thankful the universe put this in my path. I feel I will cure my cancer, and I feel I have learned so much about it and myself thru these simple little one hour of my own effort of nothing more than conversation, every week.

Please find a therapist, please go schedule an appointment and please go regularly. Mental health is not a small thing, it controls your entire universe.

Good Choice.

And now I’ve blogged and I can go back to my sound sleep – more good choices to come over more days, I’m super happy to be able to share this one, and the future ones, maybe they will let me get back to my part 3 of the cancer blog again soon <3