Oct 11 2018

New day, new format, new thoughts.

Today its clear, after so many days of rain in a row. I’m not sure if I prefer the rain or the clear, but I very much enjoy the change from the one to the other. Its also significantly cooler today, fall having fallen, this I love. I love the cooler weather, when the windows can be opened, and fresh air pours through the house with the sound of the windchimes, the birds, and just the general breeze fluttering about in the air.

I really enjoy most everything about fall. Its cornucopia of holidays, all about getting together with loves ones, and sharing goodwill. The falling of the foliage, bringing its brightness of red shaded colors. Cool nights, for cuddling, and wrapping up in a package of warmth. Delectable dishes out of pumpkin and the smelling of cinnamon and cloves wafting through the air.

As a part of my healing therapy, I’ve decided to try incorporating some daily writing into my routine. It can be a place for me to be comfortable and speak the thoughts that are rattling around in my brain.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that my new mantra is an old one that has been resonate throughout my life – Carpe Diem.

Today the car is at the dealership to get repaired, and the thought crossed my mind, as I drove home in the lexus loaner car, that maybe after 12 years, its time for a new car. I know this idea or concept will be very much lost on P, but it is a thought that crossed my mind, and I regarded it with careful consideration. It seems to stem more from a restlessness inside my head, a desire to “make something new” to allow me to feel like conditions are changing.

Along this same thought was another of its ilk, of the fact that perhaps its time for me to “put down my foot” and demand that alaskan cruise that we have been talking about for more than ten years. Glancing at ever so often, and fantasizing and pondering about here and there over time. But I realized, in the course of this thought popping up on the cusp of the other, that this is just another attempt of my mind to provide a diversion from dealing with the conditions that are at hand.

While its not at all that the idea of the trip to Alaska is repugnant, far from it. It is however, not something “I” actually want to do right now. Realizing that this is the case, that my mind gravitates towards things to escape, that aren’t’ even things I want to do, that afford me a target to be disappointed at, and allow me the luxury of a self pity party when they are rejected, is a humbling piece of knowledge.

There is many an opportunity for growth and development in these words, and I think thats enough introspection for today. Off to other adventures.

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