Sometimes my brain self sabotages. Okay, yes thats a thing, and its not as much sometimes as often. This is one of the infinite cosmic powers it possesses. Its trained to be a balance, to help me from working too hard on something.

That being said, as I’ve grown older – perhaps wiser or atleast thats the goal – the tool or trick is to recognize, and to gentle guide it back into the light of no doubt.

Its rather amusing to me the power of faith. Nearly anything is possible with enough faith and believe in the power to accomplish the thing. The brain is the magical cosmic tool to prevent things from occuring by attempting to convince you that they aren’t possible.

Its a crafty one, the brain, sometimes it uses stealthy methods – often. Things you don’t recognize as necessarily direct sabotage, often they even seem to be quite enjoyable or quite helpful….. but then suddenly I find myself off the goal path, and in the field of poppies.

In my personal experience I have found that my brain will use all my best powers of subtredge – and I’ve gotten pretty good with these in my 40+ years to “mask” or “shroud” the direction of the thoughts – so to be quite pleasurable; until they are so far from the goal as to suddenly be obvious.

My job of late has been to be completely healing my body. My brain has been finding me underhanded methods of trying to convince me this isn’t possible. Ways of little bread crumbs into giving up. I am more than one part of me – my brain is one part, and it doesn’t get to make the decision to give up. It can make the decision to get on board with all the rest of the little children or it can make the decision to be quiet and be still. No longer will I willingly allow it to derail my progress by pulling us off into tangents of contemplation or pathways of activity that don’t work towards the goal or path.

I can do this. It is possible to heal my body, it is possible to be whole and strong. While I have in my years gotten older, it is apparently quite possible to live healthy strong and happy to 99 – or atleast thats the example of one of my heroines, Betty White – whom Phil pointed out to me really is older than conventionally created sliced bread. I believe, and my faith is strong.

There are alot of things going on inside my body right now. The mickey mouse sorceress apprentice is strong with this one. The brooms are coming and going so fast with all the water, sometimes its easy to forget that I control them and that sometimes slower is not only better its more effective. It just still doesn’t necessarily feel best.

One of the little “tells” I have found about myself – when I get into “stress” mode – which is apparently how I have been for much of my life …. my “showers” – you know the times you go to get clean under warm water with soap – are ridiculously fast.

I have always found it odd … well more correctly stated, I had never really had a perspective of understanding in the past… that people were able to relish or take long showers on the regular.

As I have found relaxed mode… as I have become one with recognizing time as salt-water taffy (digression for another blog) — I was sorta amused at myself for taking a long luxurious (as I considered it in the past) shower. Meaning one longer than 7-8 minutes….. I don’t actually know how long I took in the shower, but I do know it was a 5 song shower. With the average song length around 3 minutes, thats 15 minutes or double my normal time.

The amusing part to me, is that I didn’t do anything different. My hygiene routine was precisely the same. Somehow relaxed mode is just less cognizant of “hurry” and therefore enjoying the moment more. I can’t say it was a “better” shower or a “best” shower – it wasn’t really either. It was just a shower, but it was absolutely more relaxed. It left me with a feeling of clean – not that stress showers don’t, but peter and paul were left un robbed and unpaid. Mostly just different.

Being able to see the pleasant ness of the change in perspective is growing for me, but its not growing at weed speed, more at fruit tree speed. It makes sense to me that I’m a fruit, this is something I’ve always known. Tangy, fresh, sweet, sour, and overall somewhat nourishing in an odd eclectic way… thats me.

Today is a good day, all be it way too early – I’m certain that sleep will bribe me to come back to enjoy it again soon.