Yesterday I slept for twelve hours, and it was glorious. The only downside for sleeping so long, is the fact that the day is shorter, and going to bed at your normal time feels too early. Because of this, we stayed up a wee bit later, and so this morning I am suffering, a tad for less sleep. I could go back to bed, I could take a nap, but then this getting out of routine would slide further and further away from me – and the routine of sleep is important right now.

P has been cooking up a storm – we had the most amazing sautéed cabbage last night – this is something he has gotten to cooking on the regular and its so so yummy. Just a little butter, onions, salt and pepper and it makes the most delicious dish.

Today I’m supposed to make chai and cook his poppers – and I’m find myself bogged down with sleepy and the cedar trees coming to invade my sinus’s…. Every year here in Texas there is this time, when the cedars decide to “come play” with the air…. and my sinus’s call “uncle” they are out….. Its the best time of year for travel….

I think I have decided that we are staying in this house, just gotta do some of the projects here that will make it be more perfect for us. Its a slow and steady project. It will require getting plans drawn up, and finding “that right” contractor … we have had a couple of “not the one” guys in the past, and our projects haven’t exactly turned out as intended.

This week, I intentionally have three days “off” from all doc appts, and it feels glorious to be able to just chill and relax. There are so many obligations in my dance card. Had a little bit of a “thing” after my chiro appt on monday, sufficed to say that one will be off the list for a bit. While its helpful, three confirmations to put it on hold are enough for me to fully listen.

Had a thing happen in my game last night that just made me crushing sad. Was doing a new dungeon, that I had queued to do with strangers for twenty minutes. I got lost, and the rest of the “team” had done this dungeon many times before, so rather than help me get “found” they chose to “boot me” from the dungeon. Was the first time that has happened in years, and it felt … well very bad. But friend to the rescue, when I mentioned it to a friend, he immediately put us in the queue again, and took me on an escorted tour of this new dungeon…. protecting me from a repeat experience again. Life is better with friends. Particularly ones that understand the drama that is your life, and circumstances. It was a hugely positive thing, and helped return me to some semblance of great. While I know I shouldn’t take these things so harshly, its hard to have “been” in one place, and now to “be” in another…. I’m learning.

Have had alot of revelation type talks with P lately … realizing that feeling I get when I make chai or when I bake…. its not exactly comfort but its some feeling of being closer to my Grandmother A… whenever I visited her… and probably in my entire life was less than 15 times. I would always get that feeling of being safe, of being loved, of being cared for…. and she would always be cooking something in the kitchen. This feeling, culmination was the revelation from last night, that my nostalgia for those experiences is what I feel when I cook.

Here is hoping that 2021 is filled with so many fabulous experiences, and so many things to build incredible memories that it shines bright in this decade of gratitude. I’m grateful for having a new year to experience, and having my life filled with incredible people.