Silly Ole’ Bear. Right now, sometimes my mind is filled with Fluff – and I feel since this was a desire of mine years ago – to be more like Pooh – that this circumstance is allowing me the opportunity to get that wish, and see that while its conducive to some things, its just not the nature of me that I want for the every day.

Happy Mothers Day – to all the moms in my life, that have shaped me, raised me, taught me – and provided a living example of what it means to cherish. I haven’t always liked all of you, there have been times, when my mind has struggled to see the logic of the things you have asked me to do, have instructed me to do, or have cajoled me into doing – Not all of them always were the best for me – but they were always with the best of intentions, and with the full force of your love. Thank you, for all of your love. Thank you for all of your support, and praise, and for always being my strongest and most heartfelt cheerleader. I have always known that whenever I am down, and need someone to show me that I am great, and that I have the strength to do what I need, no matter what the goal in mind, you have always been there. Your calm and sometimes not calm lol – your presence and guidance has been like a lighthouse beacon thru the storms of my life. There is no other person in the world I can most feel like I am sheltered from the storms that I ride, than with you. Thank you for being my friend, confident, and above all my mother.

Life is such a powerful thing. We went driving yesterday – P had to put miles on two of his cars that don’t see the road that often, to ensure that they maintain good function. The little things, you notice as you drive, the birds, the squirrels, the small animals, the people walking their dogs – I wish they would be walking their cats, but that’s another whole story. The just sheer joy in life. Its amazing to me. We had the windows down, as it was cool enough outside to afford this luxury, unexpectedly for a May afternoon here in Texas.

The sound of the wind, the feeling of its force and its power has always been one of those forces within my soul. Its like a friend that neither wants to help or hurt you really, but just enjoys being. Fluttering in and out of your life at whim to shower you with chime sounds, or a dirty front porch filled with leaves. To cool you with a soft breeze from the heat, or to blast you with the hot vibes of a smoldering day. Its like both sides of the Ying Yang – both the black and the white. I think for me, it’s more than just one lesson in learning how to balance those sides. To keep my calm and my raging storm — To quote the gambler song – to know when to hold them and to know when to walk away. — Oh and to know when to run 🙂 Which kinda seems to be pretty frequent right now in my life. – An oddly sardonic thing considering I am physically not in a true condition to run.

Got to spend some time yesterday talking and video chatting with some people I love dearly. Was a great, brief period. I guess Video Chats are our lives these days – Tech has to come up with a better way of sharing hugs. This lecture series on Radical Remission has sparked a curiosity in me about whether or not someone has actually done the scientific research on the value of hugs. They quoted the other day some studies on the physiological benefits of laughter, and got me energized about finding some “Laughter Yoga” classes from the benefit of the small class we did with a ten minute session. I digress – I wonder if there has been research about “hugs” — I know there were some studies with babies, about thriving – but I don’t remember the details – maybe this will be a directional point for my mental searches sometime soon. To scour PubMed for studies on hugs – I mean I know they feel good – I know they have spiritual, and intuitive help from the top of the head to the tip of the toe – but would be sorta well another ribbon on the knowledge map to have some physiological scientific backing for them being a benefit.

Matcha Green Tea is something I happened across – well okay I was introduced to this stuff years ago – but much like my original introduction to coffee – it didn’t sit with me. With Coffee, I remember tasting my grandmothers coffee and immediately thinking “why on earth would you ever drink this stuff, it tastes like dirt” – and I now, in hindsight can understand my sentiment at the time, but after years of my tastes evolving – it happens that I enjoy the taste of dirt… well, I enjoy the subtlety that exist in the flavor of the beans, in a way I never could in my youth, and now I can move beyond the earthy (aka dirt) taste of the coffee into the rich subtle flavors of the fruit. Matcha seems to be smiliar.

My first introduction to Matcha was in my 20s – and I remember thinking “why would someone ever drink this grass” – because it tasted just like grass to me. Now years later, I can taste the subtle phytonutrients (aka grass) flavor, but I can also taste the richness of the leaves that represent the tea, the care with which they were harvested and prepared in the lightness of the flavor. I’ve started having these on the regular, and something in the nutrients my body deeply needs. I have a cup every morning – Ceremonial grade, which is – well there is like a hint of the fruit that was in bloom at the time the tea was harvested, very subtle and light, but the fruit and flower flavor almost caress the leaves – and when the grind it down to a powdery pulp it just has this flavor that is distinctive and somehow my body has made it seem pleasant, and I look forward to it. —- Almost more than my coffee. I feel the nutrients in this Matcha are helping heal my body, and that is definitely a crave worthy experience.

I love when the universe provides me with rich and vibrant dreams. When they are there to give me lessons, warnings, signs, help guide me to plans, and goals. Its soul fulfilling in a way that very few other things are – often on this journey I’m traveling now, my dreams have been out of reach – the medications somehow put a stopper on those dreams, but now as I heal some, I’m finding my friends back in my nightly sleep sessions, and its a very empowering thing. I think more than many of the small wonders, this one has more hope instilled in me.

Finally got P to watch one of the 3 movies on our list of “must see” — and by must see – Its a purely A&P must see thing, its movies I have seen that I just can’t believe he hasn’t watched. This list includes Casablanca, Finding Nemo, and the one we watched the other day – Thor Ragnarok – yeah I have weird “must see” tastes. It isn’t that these are the “best” movies ever made, they are just ones that somehow I feel shape aspects of my life in weird odd ways. So we watched Thor Ragnarok, it’s one I’ve seen maybe 10 times, so this time, I worked on his feet, and he watched, and it was just a great movie – as always. Mostly I was glad to have him finally having experienced a movie that comes up so much for my mind as a “that part” type of movie. I wonder if other people have this happen. — Where a movie becomes like a weird parallel for things happening in their lives, there experiences, for a time or in general. Movies aren’t the only thing that this happens for me as, songs OFTEN are this way too – heck paintings are this way also – pretty much all forms of art, somehow there will be one that just sort of … captures the sense of where I am, or where I’m going, or what I’m experiencing — in a weird parallel sort of parable sense.

I really wish I could enjoy reading philosophers more – I enjoy talking about them, and learning about them – but when I start to read a philosopher it somehow seems alot like editing my own work – aka I started reading my own blog from the beginning recently and geez I whine alot. I guess thats sorta the way I feel about other philosophers – I would love to engage and talk to them – I do love talking to people in general, and rapping and learning about philosophy, but reading it is like – well I’d rather have a tooth pulled. I guess this is just one of my shortcomings – mea culpa.

So maybe to sum, I don’t really want to be more like Pooh Bear anymore, I’ll just enjoy my aspects of Pooh, My aspects of Tigger, my aspects of rabbit, my aspects of Piglet, my aspects of Eeyore – and above all my aspects of Christopher Robin – try and learn to balance them and continue on my journey.