There is a song by Jewel called Intuition its one of those songs that half sticks with you, and half doesn’t. Last night P and I did this sort of quasi experiment thing – it didn’t start out as an experiment but after about 2+ hours, I’d call it successful – whatever it actually was….

We were using Amazon – or rather, I was, to play a “song” that came to mind. I’d give Alexa a artist and title, and she would whirl up the spinner, and toss the tune on for us to enjoy. It was a rather odd mix of songs from the 70s, 80s, 90s, 00s, 10s, and this decade. My musical tastes have always been, well eclectic takes on a whole new meaning with me. Most music I like, some I have less enjoyment for over time, or, and mostly my taste is a carpe diem musical taste. Whatever strikes me at the time.

It was a pretty amusing mix from the perspective that I tried to pick mostly songs that not only did I know the artist and the song, but also I knew about 90% of the lyrics, meaning I was completely capable of singing along. I’ve read recently that when you are healing, your body loves to hear the sound of your voice. Its like a harmony that makes you calm, and also helps cellular regeneration.

This somewhat makes complete sense to me, and explains the pure value of monk chanting. Its not about “what you say” but that YOU say it. Speak more, sing more, hum more… tell your cells, tell yourself you are loved, by YOU.

Another amusing thing to me, during this time of chaotic caucus races of pandemonium. So many places have closed down, sending employees to the “safety” of their homes… and where is the first place you find these employees. Shopping! The 3 grocery stores we drove past yesterday on the way to my weekly treatment, were literally overspilling with cars and mayhem. Good work people good work, avoid the safety of your clean, and separated by personal space environment, to mad dash with thousands of your equally panicked fellow citizens to empty the shelves and rush and crowd into small spaces. No that’s not a recipe for disaster, not at all….. It was more crowded at these stores than I’ve ever seen it on a Thanksgiving holiday preshopping time. It must be found amusing, otherwise it just makes me shake my head at the utter ridiculousness of it.

Many places that should have had employees working for home, for years, are now doing this as a “good” “preventative” “proactive measure” — well good show companies, even if it is sorta a late way of getting to where you have needed to be for a decade or so…. Hopefully this is a positive out of this experience.

Had a trip planned for April with P to the coast of Oregon. It was going to be amazing. Its the first trip in our marriage that He planned and set up primarily on his own. He bought the tickets, picked the place, and made the reservations. That was one of the requirements. He is more than just not a fan of travel, he loathes it, so this was a huge thing. I have been looking forward to this trip since September, when we first started talking about it.

Because P hates to fly, he booked first class airfare. This is his compensation, for being a large man, it makes the trip so much more comfortable. Now with the state of the union, its pretty doubtful we will get to take this trip, and I’m more than a little disappointed. It was a two week trip overlooking the beach, from the beautiful comfort of a hotel room that would have just been amazing.

There are family I was hoping to see, and friends, that now will be postponed. One of my biggest, and strongest inspirations for “what I am wanting to do with my life” is travel. Cancelling this trip is demoralizing. I know I’m an adult. I know there are very good reasons to cancel, but it doesn’t change the little kid part of me being so so disappointed.

There are so many rational arguments for that little kid, its not even funny. Mostly that little kid is pretty smart, and she knows there will be more trips, but she is still threatening to throw the mother of all temper tantrums when we “actually” cancel the trip. So I’m delaying this as far as reasonable possible, and continuing to use the “might have to cancel” and the “maybe it will all work out to go” in my mind so I keep her hushed. Mostly its giving me time to come up with a strategy for dealing with offering her some shiny treasure when / if the cancellation is the best course of action.

Canceling nearly all of my activities, and restricting my contacts out of my house, is the prudent action I’m taking – I mean I’m an OCD person about hand washing – always have been – so that was never a question. Added a few more cleaning things around the house to my normal regimen to keep things clear, and also added a few more things to my supplement regime that are antiviral things. Just not overly concerned just being overly cautious to eliminate the need for concern.

I’ve recently encountered some really cool peeps that are earning a living working in their passions, this is always a pretty inspiring thing to me, and I’ll try and share more about this at another time.

Overall, I’m feeling pretty okay, the new hormone suppression med, has some really kick me in the rare side effects, for which I was ill prepared. The main one being a sense of depression that somewhat hits me in waves of doom and gloom. It also has this mechanic that is de-regulating my natural body temp, and just making my internal body temperature much like the external weather for spring. All over the place.

I did see a super cool thing, the tree we planted years ago, one of the four – a lemon, a lime, a mandarin orange, and an avocado. The one of the four that didn’t die, is finally fruiting this year! The fruit is green at present, and so so so high up on the tree. Its hard precisely to tell which it is, other than knowing for 100% certainty its not the avocado, that died super fast. P seems convinced its the mandarin orange, and he may well be right, it seems an odd time of the year for that to be fruiting – it has 6-10 that I can find, its also flowering, but I’m not precisely certain what time of year they flower/fruit. Either way, it is kinda neat to see. Fruit coming to a yard near you!

We watched a Youtube last night of coming movies, and it was pretty interesting to see all the Marvel history story movies coming for some pretty interesting characters in the universe. Looking forward to those up and coming.

Mostly looking forward to continuing to live, to find things that make me thrive, and to somehow acclimate to dealing with disappointments, no matter the shape or form they take on for me at this time.