Why must there be so many sinfully tasty sweet things? We had round rock donuts today, too many of them. This is not the first time for this type of encounter, and while it should be less frequent it seems to keep happening. It started as a desire a for a donut unrequited, and turned into a massive binge of more carb than a weeks allotment.

Its back to this emotional eating, bad creature pattern, but very very difficult to remain diligent against, as I keep observing more and more things that are triggers. It would probably also help if I weren’t feeling so burdened by so many things – hence the desire for blog posting.

Lots of stuff for work, lots of stuff around the house — lots of challenges all over the place, and very little light hearted laughter material.

Speaking of that, when did it occur that the mud became more prevalent then the pasture? In discussions today it came to my attention how much we cuss, how much we point out the negativity, how much attention we give these things — its not that we are alone, quite the contrary, more we are the norm. What happened to being gentile ladies and gentlemen? I know it became unvogue, but maybe its time to become a rebel and social outcast but trying to revive these traits?

I remember even as a very young girl there were just certain things you didn’t do or say around my grandparents. It was out of respect. Cussing and raised voices were two of these things, it was okay to get passionate about things, infact it was something they seemed to enjoy, but there was something that just naturally made the time spent with them seem more sacred. More pure.

I think this purity is something I’m craving. I have spoken with others in the past; and they have mentioned they feel this at church, maybe this is the appeal of these places for some people – I never really felt these at churches in America. It was interesting to notice it a little in some of the churches I was able to visit in Europe. Maybe it was about the age, or maybe it was about the casualness.

I do recall, my grandparents maintained a certain decorum about most things. There was a proper way to press a blouse, shirt and slacks, and there were certain topics that just never came up. It wasn’t that they were taboo so much as just not something that was discussed. I remember talking to my grandmother about sex. The conversation was in private, in the comfort of her bedroom, with just the two of us as we folded laundry. It wasn’t that the subject was off limits at all, more that there was an appropriateness of time and place for the conversation about intimate things.

While I recognize that there is truly value in the freedom to express ones beliefs, and thoughts and exhibit both public displays of affection and even public displays of outrage, it just seems like these are more the norm then common decency. Call this maybe a personal epiphany that if I want to see this obtain a revival, I need to be the first one to step out and begin doing it.

Since its June and I haven’t really set my resolutions yet for the year — long story on this one – perhaps this will be one of my resolutions for 2014. I resolve to work to be more gentile, to moderate my tone, my actions and my words in public settings and consider the appropriateness of my actions and attitudes to the environment I am in, to strive to encourage others to do likewise.

In the course of discussions today, P & I ended up talking about some of my personal history. It made me acutely aware of an outstanding debt I hold to someone who was above and beyond gracious to me at a time when I was a spoiled punk kid. While the universe, from the continuing discussions, has provided me with many ample opportunities to pay this forward that I have graciously taken advantage of, I need to return this debt with interest to the original provider.

We also talked about several other things, its hard to tell how much of the ground work I’m laying is actually going to take root and bring forth trees, but I can say that the acorns seem to have been planted in fertile ground. Only time will tell on this, requiring practicing of ample patience as always.

When your doing the wrong thing and even if the reasons are correct, does the fact that your very good at it justify continuing to do it? This is not the first time I’ve asked myself this question, and the enigma keeps coming up – I personally believe is the universe telling me that its time to stop doing it. Working towards doing other things, just more patience again.

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