So the title of this post makes me smile. I’ve come, more and more to realize as I grow, as I learn, as i evolve, that the rock in the shoe – the small annoyance that keeps blistering my feet; this IS the path to ultimate powerful spiritual fulfillment. Somehow its the ability to recognize that the rock is there, and what its providing, and to be happy and satisfied in that moment. To breath, and let it go, and in doing so, to realize that it slowed one down, and made one more accurately aware of all the other blissful things that were surrounding in that moment.
There have been multiple examples for me this week of some tools I have been given, provided that I am trying to use incorrectly. The most profound one for me is my mouth, my voice. Have always had a very strong internal voice, and the ability to call forth for the things that I need and the things that I want, but somewhere along this life, I was taught that if there was an expectation of someone providing it it was good to actually actively physically vocalize that need, that want. The lessons I’m being taught now; the lessons I’m struggling with, is the knowledge that while this tool of vocalizing is effective, it is also redundant, and many times elicits much more of a struggle than there need be in obtaining the things that I need.
This time in history, this day and age, people are for the most part open. The energy is flowing at a rapid rate, and things are provided according to needs, and desires. Vocalizing these needs and desires, not only creates the potential for struggle, it also creates the potential for misinterpretation, and conflict. While its appropriate some of the times, for the most part for me right now, the things I need, the things I most want in life; its counter productive. It is pushing those very things further away.
Finally set some goals for myself for the next period of time, and I’m happily on the path towards them. They require tolerance, patience, confidence, and creativity – all skills I possess in great abundance. In awakening to the awareness above, it has been as if a burden has been lifted off my shoulders, I feel lighter. I feel happier. This does not mean or maintain that every desire of my heart will be granted to me, nor does it mean that all of my needs will spontaneously be met, but it does mean that I can relinquish the need to maintain control over these things, and in doing so, find enjoyment and contentment in the experience.
Techniques that I find for me work. Breathing. Its such a basic thing, such a fundamental thing, such a critical thing, and such an overlooked and wildly wickedly amazingly inspiring powerful tool. Its amazing how many disappointments, hurts, losses, fears, anxieties, struggles, conflicts, heartbreaks… just an extra breath, and then another, and then another, deep and profound breaths, pressing life force in and out of the lungs, feeling the lungs expand and contract, feeling the blood flow through empowered by the breath. Its amazing how comforting, and empowering that breath can be — While Love/compassion can overcome all trials, breath can overcome all emotions.
Its important for me to type things things out, to remind myself to use these techniques. The same as I’ve found myself teaching a few strategies, techniques, and simple information to a number of souls. Each time that I share some small insight, I have found that new layers of that insight swell and take root in my spirit, allowing me to even more deeper apply the lessons to my own life. This is not a path to enlightenment I would have imagined, but this is the path that I’m on, and I am blessed, and humbled and open to receiving further direction.
There have been many times in life when I have asked the universe to provide a teacher, some cosmic person with all of the answers to all of my questions, to direct and to guide me down this path. What I’ve come to realize is that all of the people that I have brought into my life at one time or another, they have been those teachers. My internal spirit is strong, it knows where the path lies, and it has guided me along this road through a weaving web of experience. This is not to claim perfection, more finally to claim understanding of the fact that I do not, in this lifetime require someone else as a leader to my self directed learning. The more I try and put people into this role, the more I will continue to find them to be human and lacking, verses gleaning the wisdom to which they have been led to provide. The time of my self reflection of all things past is rapidly coming to an end. it is too hard to stay centered in the present, by dwelling on the beauty and dregs of the past. Likewise, it is also too difficult to stay centered on the present, when one is tapping and delving into the promise or the potential of the future. The present moment is all I have, and I will be working harder to cherish it, to thrive in it, and to seek the beauty, love and wisdom in the moments.
Have always liked the expression that life is an hourglass with grains of sand that fall, its been a beautiful analogy for me for a long time, something visual for my mind to lock onto to try and realize the symbolism the import of that one moment of passing from the future to the past, that one instant in the center when time stands still and there is just being. There is also somewhat a flaw in this analogy, because in the awareness of the future leading to that moment, and in the awareness of the past of having been in that moment, there is a loss of the actual experience of being in that moment. That moment is all that matters, the rest, is inconsequential and is a distraction designed to do exactly what it is most effective at doing, keeping one from maintaining that state of blissful center in the moment.
Went to the movies yesterday with D; she went with me, because it was something I wanted to do with her. Specifically. When I arrived to pick her up, it became aware that things were not as they should be, so I lent her some of my Reiki to help bring her a little bit more harmony a little bit more balance. I was actually able to quiet my curiosity, my mind from bombarding her with questions trying to get to the bottom of the reason – to explain the why things were not right; as I was told quite acutely by my internal guides, that this was precisely the wrong thing to do in that moment – or any other for that matter. It was both this piece of information that brought me to awareness of the fact that I often; through simple curiosity – a trait I’ve often found to be one of my most favored, one of my strongest skills; pulled other people out of that place in the moment through over utilization of this curiosity. It was a humbling moment, and rather than dwell on the past experiences, I chose to nod at the knowledge, and to internalize it for application in future moments when it would be needed.
D seemed a little better, and the movie was fun.
Sometimes the books that come to me, are not meant for the moment when the book comes, but to be buried treasure for some point down the line, and my job is just to not struggle, and to embrace the book when it arrives, and gracefully wait until the time to read it. This is the case with the book I’m very much enjoying now. Its one I have struggled trying to read since it was first published, its been out more than 10 years now. Many times, I have picked up this book and put it down, and many times I have forgotten it completely. This time however, in the moments when I am finding great pleasure in enjoying it, its like it was written by me in this moment in time, at precisely the words my heart needs to speak. One of the quotes that most struck me today is the following “You have no idea how strong my love is!!!!!” — in the passage, the author is having a breakthrough moment passing out of the ego in meditation by taking the helm with that expression. While its not one I have personally utilized, it resonates so strongly with me today, for this moment in time.
Its funny to me that the most comforting things to me in all of life are so small and so seemingly innocuous – just like that small pebble in the shoe.