To all the ducks I’ve loved before

Okay so I know the lyrics are off, but its an amusing thing to me – and today is in need of more amusement.

There is this thing about tact being something lacking in our society.

One of the things I’ve found for myself, is that frequently I don’t act at all because it seems “more” tactful to fail to act, then to act in error. But I think thats more from conditions where I grew up than anything else.

I’ve found today in particular that alot of people don’t come equiped with this filter. They just throw it out there and whether they don ‘t have tact, or whether they don’t care at the offense, it is all good for them. This is a skill the “all good for them skill” that I’m trying to … well gain an appreciation for……

My life, has often – most often to be fair – been focused on whats good for everyone involved, myself second or last, depending upon the conditions.

There is a book I’ve seen recently called “leaders eat last” …. and I think, that perhaps its partially my leadership skills that have forced my focus on these things. On whats best for all – not on whats best for myself.

Not so much selfishness, more self focusedness. I’m learning to embrace my inner self focused self, and not chide myself as being selfish.

The universe is perpetually providing me opportunities to practice/master this skill. I’m very bad at it. Focusing on the “good of all” or the “good of the group” seems much much more natural. It isn’t that I’m incapable of being self focused, its just that it feels bad.

Somethings, I’ve been able to be self focused on in my life. They are things where I do not perceive any possible negative ramifications for anyone else in my life by being self focused. But at this point, its not about the possible ramifications for other people, its about the positive ramifications for me; and while I don’t quite feel free to disregard other people, I do feel alot more unencumbered by the need or desire to placate or please everyone.

Growing is a little uncomfortable and this is definitely one of those areas, its kinda like growing an extra limb of “be selfish, be selfish”

Watching other people with what seems like their best of intentions for themselves do things that are just insanely amusing to me at their ridiculousness is a good reminder that its “okay” to be human and to put myself first.

Many thanks to the universe for so many incredible people that are NOT selfish in my life to share this crazy rollercoaster.

Life is good.

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